Stuart and the Story of Raoul the Annoying Non-Mexican

Here as promised a small piece of writing that I find humourous. Why? You might ask. Well, largely because the following events actually occurred. Most of the kids featured here are kids that I co-directed in the Fernie Secondary School production of Bye Bye Birdie, with the exception of the one who appears largely to be a dick and have something against the fine hardworking peoples of Mexico (and Antonio Banderas). But enough with the back story, read away:

FADE IN:
INT. SMALL MOVIE THEATRE
the theater is fairly packed by there is still some maneuverability as people are packed into groups. STUART is by his lonesome but wears an expression indicating that he is not bothered by this fact and is simply there to enjoy a movie. He is in his early twenties wearing a zip-up hoodie with a t-shirt underneath and jeans. He looks around to see if he recognizes anyone there. A group of younger boys seem to recognize him. ELI speaks up waving towards STUART.

ELI Hey, Stu!
STUART Eli.
ELI How's it going man.
STUART Oh you know not to bad.
ELI You here all by your lonesome?
STUART Yeah, all my friends are out of town.
ELI You want to join us.
STUART (with a bit of a smirk) I don't man I still haven't quite yet decided if I'm want to see, the comedy or the drama.

One of the boys, RYAN, steps forward.

RYAN We chose the drama. C'mon.
STUART I was kind of leaning towards the comedy.
RYAN Oh too good for the drama eh. There'll be comedy. I am comedy.

STUART takes a step back and looks over at ELI.

STUART Woah! What'd you do tell this guy I was a film student and now he's trying to get me to put him in my movie.
RYAN (to ELI) I thought you said he was a producer.
STUART What would you want a producer for? Director's cast the movie. Producer's just fund the the thing.
RYAN Oh oh so you're a director. Well then cast me. C'mon man I got range. Look at my range. You think I got range don't you?
STUART Maybe. But you look too young. You could play anywhere between 14 and 17 I need 19 to 22 for my movie. Besides its already cast.
RYAN What? You think I'm not old enough here look at my ID, I'm 19.

RYAN hands STUART his wallet open to his driver's license.

STUART looks at it and his expression shows that he thinks it is a fake.
ELI It's a fake.
RYAN See. April 26th, 1986. I'm 19.
STUART Yeah...No. Even if you are 19 I said that you look like you could play 14 to 17 so it doesn't matter how old you really are.
RYAN oh so you're saying that I have the range to play a 13 year old or a 17 year old. right. But not the range to play something older.
STUART (sarcastically) Yeah something like that.
RYAN How about you right me in a part. I can be... (he adopts a mexican accent) Raoul.
BOY #1 Yeah be a Mexican.
ELI yeah.
STUART Your not Mexican. Your a Prince Harry looking mother fucker.
RYAN I can too be mexican. Listen I am... (bad mexican accent) Antonio. Ban. Deras.
STUART (again with the sarcasm) That's funny. You're real funny. But I cast actors not comedians. So there will be no Raoul.
RYAN Whatever. I don't need you. I'll have my people contact your people and you won't like what they have to say.
STUART Oh, you have people now. Who's this guy? (points at BOY #1) Your agent?
BOY #1 That's right.
RYAN That's right so watch out.
STUART Watch out?! oh really, what if I black list you. How about that? You've just been black listed.
RYAN You can't black list me.

STUART just walks away lifting his arms in the "it's out of my hands now" gesture and shaking his head. He has a smile on his face that can only mean "what a bunch of tools."
FADE OUT.

Here's to possibly more writing and maybe a photoblog here if I ever do anything exciting.