Friday, September 30, 2005

The Warm Seat: Now With Less Journalistic Integrity

Okay after last night's lesson, which taught me that when sleep deprived I gain journalistic integrity and lose what little funny I have, I have decided to take another crack at this self interview thing. This time I have come prepared with a bottle of caffienated beverage and pre-prepared questions. It is also earlier in the night which should help. So let's start this bitch off (cause swearing is funny) with a question suggested by Mr. Haas.

Fictional Interviewer: Who the fuck are you? and why should I care?
Stuart Popp: I'm the guy who writes this blog and you probably shouldn't and/or already don't care.

FI: You have a comic that you co-write and draw so what do you think of webcomics in general?
SP: I think that more people generally need to read my comic because there are a lot of shitty comics out there that are all blah blah emo blah blah anime blah blah livejournal. So why should my shitty comic be left behind?

FI: I get the sense you don't think very highly of livejournal/blogs.
SP: No there are some excellent blogs out there that are quite enjoyable to read. They also provide a way of keeping friends who are far away up to date with what going on with you without having to talk to everyone individually. That said, there are a lot that are simply, to quote a friend, BlahBlahBlah Let's talk about me.

FI: While I've got you on an opinions streak what are your thoughts on a)organised religion and b) America?
SP: Those are some complex issues. It will be hard to be funny and also not piss off people by generalising here. So let me explain what I think...no that'll take too long let me sum up a) Faith = good but organized religion = not all that super and b) Bush administration and lots of the shit that is going down in the states = bad, but lots of Americans = decent to pretty cool. Or alternatively: OMFG AMRICA SUXXORZ LOLZ!!!1one!

FI: You are going to film school soon. Do you see yourself becoming famous?
SP: Yes, but I think most of the people that go into this industry hope for that. Even the strictest artists do because they want people to see their art. Plus I've got the triple threat: talent, looks, and a big head (I'm talking huge!), also I've already had one failed celebrity romance so I'm halfway there already.

FI: Continuing on this film tangent, what is the deal with The Off-Season. Will it ever be finished?
SP: Not anytime soon, and definately not with live actors for the remaining scenes. I will either refilm the entire thing someday or when I have time do the last five scenes with hand puppets. I figure if I go the puppet route I'll have a better chance of making it in a film festival because people love irreverant things.

FI: You seem like a decent guy yet you have claimed on many occassions to be an asshole. Why is this?
SP: See everyone else thinks that I am a nice guy because I always seem polite and say I am going to do nice things...This is a trap. The politeness is a ruse and the nice things never happen. For example, I promised Devin a cookie in return for MS Paint art on his blog but there will be no cookies, I'll probably just punch him in the face when I see him. Why? Cause I'm a dick.

FI: As a self-proclaimed nerd who do you think would win in a fight: Ninjas or Pirates?
SP: Well that is a complex issue. On the open seas I would say pirates because ninjas aren't exactly known for there seafaring ability. Anywhere else...Ninjas. Unless the ninja in question was Batman then he would be able to take on the pirates on the open seas. Cause he's mother fucking Batman.

FI: Speaking of comic books characters, let's talk about yours. Many readers are asking will MA and Muffin-Gal get together?
SP: Well most likely yes. That is what I intend to happen, however, the characters are all based off my friends so in the case that I start dating a girl who has some quality I can exploit for my own amusment and profit I will likely change the love interest of MA accordingly.

FI: Other fans have been asking whether the Punk Ninja will get his own series.
SP: To them I say, "Shut Up Devin!"

FI: I'm now going to ask you some questions from your readers. How did you meet the biggest influence and life long friend, all together great guy: Devin Misner?
SP: see above answer. Devin is a good guy though and a great friend. We actually met over Pokemon. I was playing some old school Red on my gameboy, cause let's face it everyone loved that shit when it came out, and Devin gave me a business card for his Pokemon fan website. You all laugh now, but I bet if I asked you what type of Pokemon Marowak was you'd know...and at least half of you knicknamed yours Boner. NERDS!

FI: Moving on, Sterling asks, "What director had the biggest influence on your film career choices...and none of this bullshit about how there are just too many brilliant directors asshole. Just give a straight answer."
SP: That question provides enough humour that I can give a serious answer here, if nothing else then for fear of painful repurcussions. The answer is definately Kevin Smith. Say what you will about the man I am a fan of everyone of his movies, each for there own reasons, and it was he who first made me realize and think about what goes on behind the camera. He is the reason I even considered going into film.

FI: Will asks, "As a giant corporation we like to abuse our employees. On an unrelated not if we required you to wear a purple mowhawk to work would you find our secretary attractive?"
SP: That all really depends on whether the secretary is a Wugalo aka Willing, Ugly, and Legal (see all the asshole things I say) or not. Also if the dye from the mowhawk could be a factor if it seeped into my brain and affected my judgement. Generally, though, I just don't hold with ugos (what an asshole!).

FI: Your former co-writer Ryan L. writes, "If your penis fell of yesterday, and today terrorists were threatening to cut off your balls, what would you do?"
SP: Well I generally considered the penis and the balls to be included in the same package so I'm going to go ahead and assume that they would have fallen off as well. Also I would assume that they [the penis] sort of just pinched off like a cell dividing because I didn't die from blood loss. So that said I would taunt the terrorist knowing that if they were making such threats they hadn't taken a peek under the ol' androgynous hood. I would then hope that they would be freak out at the sight of my barren genital area or they would think that I tucked 'em back like that crazy fuck from Silence of the Lambs and be even more freaked out.

FI: Another reader writes, "Why do the ladies love you, Stu?" (I'm serious, it was Ron. Ask him yourself, I'll give you his email if I have to)
SP: Well it probably has to due to the fact that I invested in a gene splicing company a few years back and had them put a gene in me that causes my pheramone glands to overproduce. I have to shower like 7 times a day or I stink like shit but the ladies love it.

FI: Brendan would like to know, "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?"
SP: First I would like to say BOOOORING...then I would like to answer. I see myself living in a huge Hollywood mansion married to some hot young actress spending most of my time drunk, surly, and snorting the finest china white of a hooker's back. For those of you not in the know... that was a joke. Or was it?

FI: Mr. Lewis also asks, "If a tree falls in the woods and kills a mime, does anyone care?"
SP: I don't know, but I do know that if a tree falls in the woods it will probably kill something. And that is AWESOME!

FI: Kim wonders, "What are your biggest strengths? Weaknesses?"
SP: What is this...a job interview? I have a hard time believing that anyone cares. Next question!

FI: Hans wrote in, "Would you ever consider returning to geology/paleontology as a career option?"
SP: I've said it before, but I'll say it again. The UofC natural science program literally killed my inner-child. They pulled it out, tied it behind a horse and dragged it around for a while, and then they shot it. Actually the professors were quite good but the way the program itself was tailored just turned me off sciences. I still love paleontology and would love to continue to pursue it as a hobby but not as a career. Film is where it is at for me and that is that. Good question though.

FI: Cathy's question for you was: "If you could date one celebrity who would it be?"
SP: Colin Farrel, he's just sooooo dreamy. Seriously though, Scarlett Johannsson, I have a silly schoolboy crush on her. I am also tempted to say Lindsay Lohan now that she is no longer a fucking stick person and has red hair again, but she smokes and making out with smokers is just an instant turn off. Unless it is Scarlett cause goddamn she is attractive.

FI: Our final reader question comes from Paula, she asks, "What would people be surprised to know about you?"
SP: I have a 14 inch penis, though I know some people who won't be surprised. OHHH SNAP!!!Seriously though, I once choked a baby giraffe to death while eating a 5-foot hogie, riding a Siberian Tiger, and making love to 7 supermodels all at once. I also kicked a gavial in the eye as I rode by because gavials are stupid. (Honestly I couldn't think of a real answer for this one, unless the ladies are readin this...then it's the penis thing)

FI: Okay so I've just got a few final questions of my own before I let you go. You are from Fernie, so do you ski or snowboard?
SP: I love how whenever this question is asked it is always whether I do one or the other and not whether I enjoy winter sports. It's like a pre-requisite to living in Fernie is that you must either ski or snowboard. That said, I snowboard and am somewhat of a geek about. I get giddy over Freshies or First Tracks as some of you may know them.

FI: So do you want to go smoke some weed after this?
SP: No! Jesus I hate how everyone assumes that because I am from Fernie and a snowboarder that I must automatically smoke weed. Just because there is a head shop right beside the biggest board shop in town and more than like 20 grow ops have been busted in the homes of seasonal residents who just so happen to be boarders doesn't mean a things...GOSH!

FI: Ok...Final Question. What's next for Stuart Popp?
SP: Well I've got a few more pages of Issue 6 of The Masked Avenger in the works and after that it is onto scripting Issue 7 with Ian. Also I'll be going into Film school so I'll be working on my "prententious asshole" voice to take the place of my "just a plain ol' asshole" voice. And also I should have three short movies out of post-production by the end of October 2006.

FI: Thanks for your time.
SP: It was a pleasure this time.

Weeeeell I think that turned out better than the last try. It was long and if you made it through the whole thing I commend you and your a real friend...not like those other assholes who gave up halfway. Also, there may be some unintentional Dane Cook references in there. I wasn't trying to rip off his jokes or anything, I've just been watching a lot of his stuff and thus similar ideas may have seeped in.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Interview Shminterview: Tyler Durden or Why I Shouldn't Write After Midnight

Shortly after typing the title of this post I learned that Tyler Durden was actually a figment of character played by Edward Norton's imagination. Distraught but also inspired by this shocking revelation, yet too lazy to change the title, I decided to talk to myself; see how I was doing; do an interview with me in the hot seat. The results can be found below.

Me: Hello
Stuart Popp: How's it going?

M: Hey I ask the questions here!
SP: (laughs) sorry...ask away?

M: Let's start things off with your comic The Masked Avenger. What brought about this strange and wonderful beast.
SP: Well, for the past three years I have had a roommate who liked to tip over things in my room and also steal things such as my watch. It was mildly to not very annoying but I decided to put a stop to it once he started leaving rhyming riddles which pertained to the whereabouts of the stolen items. I feared that this would be the start of a supervillainous career for him so I needed a superhero persona to end his reign of mild annoyance to society. I wrap a t-shirt around the lower half of my face, donned a blanket cape, and proceeded to confront him as The Masked Avenger because it was the most generic sounding superhero name I could think of. He repented by fashioning a ninja mask out of a t-shirt (instructions available somewhere on the interweb), calling himself the Punk Ninja, and offering to help find the stolen goods. Thus the Masked Avenger and his sidekick were born.

M: How did it make the leap from one improvised costume to full on comic mythology?
SP: Well, the idea proved humourous and became a bit of a running joke around the household. Shortly after the original appearance the first drawing of the duo came about as a result of another roommate and his drunken friends playing shitty music and thus evoking my artistic anger. The drawing washastily and poorly done and featured character design which would not be repeated. After this I began to use The Masked Avenger as my MSN screen name which prompted my friend and early co-writer Ryan Lee to act out a scenario of MA vs Random Arch Nemesis, later to become Garage-Man due to his screen name at the time "The Garage". I began drawing up character designs for the heroes and then one day a group of people in a UofC club who's club office, which had several comfortable couches, really annoyed me with their overbearing nerdiness. They had been given the nicknames "The Super-Friends" after the group of nerds from The Simpsons. I drew a picture depicting a comic book cover in which the Masked Avenger and Punk Ninja fought "The SuperFriends" which inspired my friends to suggest I should draw a comic to go with the cover. Some were even willing to pay. Blinded by money I drew 4 short issues and sold them for a dollar each. I made around 50 dollars which basically paid for my food that month. I also quickly ran out of people I hated and started basing villains on my friends. The comics have since become an underground cult sensation at UofC and SFU.

M: Is any of that true?
SP: All of it. I swear to whatever god actually exists.

M: Will issue #1 of your comic ever be released?
SP: I actually drew a 6-page origin story for MA as issue #1 about a year after issue #2 was released but destroyed it once I started to revamp the comics. The story that was held within those pages does remain canon however and sometime in the future I may redraw it as a full size comic.

M: What is in store for MA next?
SP: Well I have a new co-writer, Ian U. who will be helping me shake things up a bit and also help me to avoid the problems that came with writing a comic as I drew it which I tended to due and resulted in shorter comics because I got lazy. Rest assured however it will contain plenty of superhero satire, pop-culture references, and visual nods to Batman who is my favorite superhero.

M: Just How big of a nerd are you?
SP: a huge, HUGE nerd, but I am also a ninja nerd able to conceal my nerdiness for extended periods of time due to my boyish good looks, sideburns, and ability to talk about less nerdy things like sports and music. However, I also recognise that calling myself a "ninja nerd" doesn't make me seem like anything less than a complete loser.

M: Sports eh? How do you think the Canucks are looking this year?
SP: Fuck Hockey! Basketball is my sport? Ask me about March Madness and then we'll talk.

M:Okay tell me your thoughts on March Madness.
SP: I think it is in March and thus too early to tell anything. Chances are I will start off rooting for Gonzaga and then end up rooting for Duke once gonzaga loses early on. Also, I was only half kidding about the hockey remark. While not my favorite sport I have started to follow it since befriends some serious hockey nuts. As for the Canucks it looks like they will be able to hold on to most of their team post-negotiations so I think they have a good chance at taking the Cup this year.

M: Yawn...I thought you were going to be funny in this interview.
SP: Honestly so did I, only then I got off track and ended up conducting an almost serious interview with myself. My I should start asking more humourous questions.

M: I'll ask what I want to ask. Rumour on the internets is that you are a bit of an asshole. Is there any truth to this?
SP: well certain friends have reassured me that I am a nice guy, but they also call me pretty so I'm pretty sure they are full of shit. That said I think I am the only person I've met to outwardly claim that I am an asshole.

M: Why would these friends calling you pretty cause you to suspect they are lying? Didn't you previously state that you have boyish good looks?
SP: I prefer to consider my good looks to be ruggedly handsome-esque as opposed to pretty.

M: This interview isn't very funny is it?
SP: Not really, it is also getting boring to write so I think I am going to stop. I would also like to remind people that I am currently working night shift and thus while my drawing improves with a lack of sleep my writing does not. I might try to interview myself again at a later date...or maybe someone more interesting.

M: Okay well then, goodbye.
SP: Cheers

I apologize for the lack of funny. I got really off track after the first question then tried to reel things in and it got all convoluted like this metaphor. Also if I ruined Fight Club for you then you are an idiot. I mean seriously who doesn't know who Tyler Durden was by now. Also chances are I don't know you and thus I don't care.

Tune in next time for something better (I hope).

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Childhood Paradigm Shifts A-Plenty

I spend a lot of time on the internets or the "interweb" if you will and I have noticed somewhat of a trend among many a blogger. Also this is just something I have noticed in general amongst people I know or people I read about/see on the telly. This thing is as follows: Everyone seems to have had some life changing/defining moment at a young age that has dramatically affected the way they live their life.

Now granted this may not seem so strange or even noteworthy to many of you. This is because a)you probably aren't reading this blog and thus have no knowledge of the strangeness or b)have had one of these "childhood paradigm shifts" (see how I relate things to the title) and thus assume everyone probably has...

Well I haven't. Do you want to know what significant events I remember from my early childhood? Do you? Alright, here goes:

-My younger cousin placing a pickle at the edge of the table, running around the house like a ferret on speed, returning to the table, taking a bite out of said pickle without using his hands, saying, "Crocodiles have big teeth," and repeating this until the pickle was gone. (he may have said the line before biting but the memory is a tad fuzzy, I was eight so sue me).
-I spent most of grade three a Chicago Bulls fan, like one of those fans that would paint there faces in the team colour, go to the stadium sans shirt, and threaten the opposing teams mascot with sodomy. Lucky for me the Bulls were doing well that season so it wasn't an unpopular choice.
-Finding out my grade 4 teacher left her job at the high school because, and I quote, "someone farted on her arm."
-Knowing more than my teacher on the subject of Dinosaurs in grade 2. I was a cocky little shit back then.
-Always playing the green Power Ranger when me and my friends played Power Rangers (I was a nerd even then). Then when I went away for two weeks on vacation and came back one kid was the White Ranger thus totally stealing my ranger (for those of you who were not total nerds the Green Ranger and the White Ranger were the same person).
-An irrational love of Garfield
-making a rediculously complex series of snow tunnels in my yard (like I am seriously talking a fucking labrynth) which I have not since been able to recreate.
-carving a picture of a boat into our family's mantle with a butcher's knife and catching a whole lot of shit for it.
-quiting beavers

That's it. If anyone can find anything there worhty of shifting my paradigm please let me know. Until next time: CROCODILES HAVE BIG TEETH! (it's true)

Friday, September 23, 2005

2 Year of Waiting...for this?

Hello,

I am a popular primetime soap opera featuring 25 year olds playing characters who are ten years younger and impossibly well off. I show these characters kissing and groping all the time in public places like a pair of rabbits in heat. Of course, while I never directly state it they have not had sex yet because it must be a gigantic event when they do despite the actual scene being nothing more than an allusion to them about to take their clothes off followed by a morning after scene. All without any real emotional buildup or impact.

Sincerely,

The OC

-Seriously what is it with TV shows that have teenagers remain abstinant for years. I sort of just assumed that Ryan and Marissa were doing it. Now all of a sudden the wait is over? Plus the OC just sucks it up lately. I am very dissapointed. I'm off to watch some HBO. Rome and Entourage will make things all better now.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

SNAKES ON A PLANE

seriously Snakes on a Mutherfuckin' Plane!

Also, in related news this blog is one of the better written blogs I have seen plus it has snakes on a plane.

Snakes on a Plane!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Random Thought At 6 am

Does anyone else find themselves thinking "wasn't she on YTV?" whenever someone mentions PJ Harvey?

Or is it just me?