The Warm Seat: Now With Less Journalistic Integrity

Okay after last night's lesson, which taught me that when sleep deprived I gain journalistic integrity and lose what little funny I have, I have decided to take another crack at this self interview thing. This time I have come prepared with a bottle of caffienated beverage and pre-prepared questions. It is also earlier in the night which should help. So let's start this bitch off (cause swearing is funny) with a question suggested by Mr. Haas.

Fictional Interviewer: Who the fuck are you? and why should I care?
Stuart Popp: I'm the guy who writes this blog and you probably shouldn't and/or already don't care.

FI: You have a comic that you co-write and draw so what do you think of webcomics in general?
SP: I think that more people generally need to read my comic because there are a lot of shitty comics out there that are all blah blah emo blah blah anime blah blah livejournal. So why should my shitty comic be left behind?

FI: I get the sense you don't think very highly of livejournal/blogs.
SP: No there are some excellent blogs out there that are quite enjoyable to read. They also provide a way of keeping friends who are far away up to date with what going on with you without having to talk to everyone individually. That said, there are a lot that are simply, to quote a friend, BlahBlahBlah Let's talk about me.

FI: While I've got you on an opinions streak what are your thoughts on a)organised religion and b) America?
SP: Those are some complex issues. It will be hard to be funny and also not piss off people by generalising here. So let me explain what I think...no that'll take too long let me sum up a) Faith = good but organized religion = not all that super and b) Bush administration and lots of the shit that is going down in the states = bad, but lots of Americans = decent to pretty cool. Or alternatively: OMFG AMRICA SUXXORZ LOLZ!!!1one!

FI: You are going to film school soon. Do you see yourself becoming famous?
SP: Yes, but I think most of the people that go into this industry hope for that. Even the strictest artists do because they want people to see their art. Plus I've got the triple threat: talent, looks, and a big head (I'm talking huge!), also I've already had one failed celebrity romance so I'm halfway there already.

FI: Continuing on this film tangent, what is the deal with The Off-Season. Will it ever be finished?
SP: Not anytime soon, and definately not with live actors for the remaining scenes. I will either refilm the entire thing someday or when I have time do the last five scenes with hand puppets. I figure if I go the puppet route I'll have a better chance of making it in a film festival because people love irreverant things.

FI: You seem like a decent guy yet you have claimed on many occassions to be an asshole. Why is this?
SP: See everyone else thinks that I am a nice guy because I always seem polite and say I am going to do nice things...This is a trap. The politeness is a ruse and the nice things never happen. For example, I promised Devin a cookie in return for MS Paint art on his blog but there will be no cookies, I'll probably just punch him in the face when I see him. Why? Cause I'm a dick.

FI: As a self-proclaimed nerd who do you think would win in a fight: Ninjas or Pirates?
SP: Well that is a complex issue. On the open seas I would say pirates because ninjas aren't exactly known for there seafaring ability. Anywhere else...Ninjas. Unless the ninja in question was Batman then he would be able to take on the pirates on the open seas. Cause he's mother fucking Batman.

FI: Speaking of comic books characters, let's talk about yours. Many readers are asking will MA and Muffin-Gal get together?
SP: Well most likely yes. That is what I intend to happen, however, the characters are all based off my friends so in the case that I start dating a girl who has some quality I can exploit for my own amusment and profit I will likely change the love interest of MA accordingly.

FI: Other fans have been asking whether the Punk Ninja will get his own series.
SP: To them I say, "Shut Up Devin!"

FI: I'm now going to ask you some questions from your readers. How did you meet the biggest influence and life long friend, all together great guy: Devin Misner?
SP: see above answer. Devin is a good guy though and a great friend. We actually met over Pokemon. I was playing some old school Red on my gameboy, cause let's face it everyone loved that shit when it came out, and Devin gave me a business card for his Pokemon fan website. You all laugh now, but I bet if I asked you what type of Pokemon Marowak was you'd know...and at least half of you knicknamed yours Boner. NERDS!

FI: Moving on, Sterling asks, "What director had the biggest influence on your film career choices...and none of this bullshit about how there are just too many brilliant directors asshole. Just give a straight answer."
SP: That question provides enough humour that I can give a serious answer here, if nothing else then for fear of painful repurcussions. The answer is definately Kevin Smith. Say what you will about the man I am a fan of everyone of his movies, each for there own reasons, and it was he who first made me realize and think about what goes on behind the camera. He is the reason I even considered going into film.

FI: Will asks, "As a giant corporation we like to abuse our employees. On an unrelated not if we required you to wear a purple mowhawk to work would you find our secretary attractive?"
SP: That all really depends on whether the secretary is a Wugalo aka Willing, Ugly, and Legal (see all the asshole things I say) or not. Also if the dye from the mowhawk could be a factor if it seeped into my brain and affected my judgement. Generally, though, I just don't hold with ugos (what an asshole!).

FI: Your former co-writer Ryan L. writes, "If your penis fell of yesterday, and today terrorists were threatening to cut off your balls, what would you do?"
SP: Well I generally considered the penis and the balls to be included in the same package so I'm going to go ahead and assume that they would have fallen off as well. Also I would assume that they [the penis] sort of just pinched off like a cell dividing because I didn't die from blood loss. So that said I would taunt the terrorist knowing that if they were making such threats they hadn't taken a peek under the ol' androgynous hood. I would then hope that they would be freak out at the sight of my barren genital area or they would think that I tucked 'em back like that crazy fuck from Silence of the Lambs and be even more freaked out.

FI: Another reader writes, "Why do the ladies love you, Stu?" (I'm serious, it was Ron. Ask him yourself, I'll give you his email if I have to)
SP: Well it probably has to due to the fact that I invested in a gene splicing company a few years back and had them put a gene in me that causes my pheramone glands to overproduce. I have to shower like 7 times a day or I stink like shit but the ladies love it.

FI: Brendan would like to know, "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?"
SP: First I would like to say BOOOORING...then I would like to answer. I see myself living in a huge Hollywood mansion married to some hot young actress spending most of my time drunk, surly, and snorting the finest china white of a hooker's back. For those of you not in the know... that was a joke. Or was it?

FI: Mr. Lewis also asks, "If a tree falls in the woods and kills a mime, does anyone care?"
SP: I don't know, but I do know that if a tree falls in the woods it will probably kill something. And that is AWESOME!

FI: Kim wonders, "What are your biggest strengths? Weaknesses?"
SP: What is this...a job interview? I have a hard time believing that anyone cares. Next question!

FI: Hans wrote in, "Would you ever consider returning to geology/paleontology as a career option?"
SP: I've said it before, but I'll say it again. The UofC natural science program literally killed my inner-child. They pulled it out, tied it behind a horse and dragged it around for a while, and then they shot it. Actually the professors were quite good but the way the program itself was tailored just turned me off sciences. I still love paleontology and would love to continue to pursue it as a hobby but not as a career. Film is where it is at for me and that is that. Good question though.

FI: Cathy's question for you was: "If you could date one celebrity who would it be?"
SP: Colin Farrel, he's just sooooo dreamy. Seriously though, Scarlett Johannsson, I have a silly schoolboy crush on her. I am also tempted to say Lindsay Lohan now that she is no longer a fucking stick person and has red hair again, but she smokes and making out with smokers is just an instant turn off. Unless it is Scarlett cause goddamn she is attractive.

FI: Our final reader question comes from Paula, she asks, "What would people be surprised to know about you?"
SP: I have a 14 inch penis, though I know some people who won't be surprised. OHHH SNAP!!!Seriously though, I once choked a baby giraffe to death while eating a 5-foot hogie, riding a Siberian Tiger, and making love to 7 supermodels all at once. I also kicked a gavial in the eye as I rode by because gavials are stupid. (Honestly I couldn't think of a real answer for this one, unless the ladies are readin this...then it's the penis thing)

FI: Okay so I've just got a few final questions of my own before I let you go. You are from Fernie, so do you ski or snowboard?
SP: I love how whenever this question is asked it is always whether I do one or the other and not whether I enjoy winter sports. It's like a pre-requisite to living in Fernie is that you must either ski or snowboard. That said, I snowboard and am somewhat of a geek about. I get giddy over Freshies or First Tracks as some of you may know them.

FI: So do you want to go smoke some weed after this?
SP: No! Jesus I hate how everyone assumes that because I am from Fernie and a snowboarder that I must automatically smoke weed. Just because there is a head shop right beside the biggest board shop in town and more than like 20 grow ops have been busted in the homes of seasonal residents who just so happen to be boarders doesn't mean a things...GOSH!

FI: Ok...Final Question. What's next for Stuart Popp?
SP: Well I've got a few more pages of Issue 6 of The Masked Avenger in the works and after that it is onto scripting Issue 7 with Ian. Also I'll be going into Film school so I'll be working on my "prententious asshole" voice to take the place of my "just a plain ol' asshole" voice. And also I should have three short movies out of post-production by the end of October 2006.

FI: Thanks for your time.
SP: It was a pleasure this time.

Weeeeell I think that turned out better than the last try. It was long and if you made it through the whole thing I commend you and your a real friend...not like those other assholes who gave up halfway. Also, there may be some unintentional Dane Cook references in there. I wasn't trying to rip off his jokes or anything, I've just been watching a lot of his stuff and thus similar ideas may have seeped in.