Community Fails To Notice As Local Blogger Forgets To Update

More News at 11.

So my "real post to follow" never happened and now I can't even remember what I was going to write about.

BUT

yes, but, I will not let the lack of knowledge of what I had planned to write about slow me down. NAY SIR, I say to you, NAY SIR.

Instead as inspired by my recent pavement induced wounds I would like to impart unto you some nuggets of knowledge that I have acquired over the many injuries I have sustained. Come with me, dear reader, and let us explore the realms of accident prone-ness.... If that makes sense... or something.... TO THE LIST!!!

1. When falling, try not to fall on the knee you injured snowboarding already because that will "seriously wreck your shit", as the kids say.
Unless you like limping. If you like limping everywhere then by all means ignore this first piece of advice and be comfortable with the fact that you are a crazy hunchback who lives in a bell tower/mad scientists lab.

2. If you think that your wrist might be broken, do not wait 2-6 weeks to see if it gets better because "it might just be a sprain."
The odds might be in favour of a sprain but inconveniencing yourself for a few X-rays is probably better than having a doctor tell you three months later that "There are too many bones in the wrist to break it again and then cast it, I guess you'll just have to learn to put up with the pain."

3. Teachers don't accept a somewhat slurred "I'm a little concussed" as an excuse to show up to class and not do work.
They will tend to go on and on about a place called a "hospital" and how you should "go there." They may also point out that your eyebrow is caked with dried blood.

4. "I'll just go faster" is not always an acceptable solution when on a skateboard.
Sometimes it just means that you will fly just that little bit farther when your board decides that the edge of the sidewalk is a good place to stop moving.

5. If everyone around you is insisting you have a concussion and all you can do is mumble "no, no, I'm fine" and stare blankly at the mop in your hands and wonder why you picked it up then you probably have a concussion.
Seriously. You should really go to a hospital.

My Knees Hurt!

My knees got into a fight with the sidewalk and lost. Stupid knees.

Real post to follow.

(Royal) We Recommend.

Learning How to Cook
This is one of those immediately rewarding sort of things. Possible downside: you might be bad at it. Overwhelming upside: You get to eat tastier and healthier food than you would normally and also everyone will immediately consider you to be more impressive.

No Country For Old Men
My movie of the year. Honesty made me rethink how I could tell stories and make movies. Make sure you pay attention because this film won't hold your hand all the way through the story, cemented my belief that the Coens are geniuses.

A Nice Wool Overcoat
I know Hans will back me up on this one. They are warm and the thick wool will generally keep out most of what the weather can throw at you. Not recommended that you test that theory in a force 5 hurricane, but for Vancouver rain these are just the trick.

The War On Terror
Not the real war on terror that is slowly eroding the civil rights of our neighbours to the South, but rather a hilarious board game which is sort of like Risk. I prefer to play for maximum hilarity value by backstabbing, openly funding terrorism, and general being a right bastard (just like a real country) but you might find it equally enjoyable to play another way. Whatever your style this game has the goods.

The Wii
Funny name? Yes. Most fun I've had with a video game in ages? Also Yes. The system that made video games a party pastime deserves the praise it has received. Plus it is cheaper than the other two big consoles out there.

The Hollywood Stock Exchange
Buying fake stock in upcoming films and movie stars with fake money has never been so fun.

Letting Me Sign You Up To The HSX
If only because I get 100,000 fake dollars for doing so.

Kenny Vs. Spenny
I'll let the tag line do the talking on this one: Since the beginning of time mankind has been forced to compete for survival. This spirit of competition has reached a pinnacle in the relationship of two best friends who battle against each other. Why? Glory for the winner; humiliation for the loser. This IS Kenny VERSUS Spenny. If that didn't precede each show you would probably have no idea they are best friends (best friends don't usually fake a letter from the ministry of health saying you have AIDS to win a who's funniest competition).

Electric Organs
Or as I like to refer to mine: The Electric Fun Machine. Best if obtained for free, but generally awesome regardless of price. I can't even play it with any modicum of skill and I still have a blast.

Soon I Will Be Invincible by Austin Grossman
Dr. Impossible is a mad scientist, and he really is going to take over the world this time. This book is a look into his mind. The style is one of sincerity and deadpan in the face of Battle-Blimps, Death Rays, and Faerie Warriors fighting side by side with caped superheroes. Hilarious and smart, not just recommended but highly recommended.

Yorkshire Pudding
Healthy? Doubtful. Delicious? Incredibly

There Will Be Blood
Second Best Movie of the Year. P.T. Anderson makes a movie that is reminiscent of Kubrik and Daniel Day Lewis gives a scorchingly good performance (though I think that applies to pretty much any one of his roles).

Asking Daniel Day Lewis if His Son is Alright
No he is not.

Dexter
This may very well be the best show on television. Its premise is unbeatable: A Serial Killer works for the Cops and Kills other Serial Killers. Michael C. Hall is brilliant in the title role. The opening credits alone are enough to keep me watching.

A Led Zeppelin Reunion Tour
Seriously, if you are reading this Robert Plant I will pay inordinate amounts of money to attend a Led Zeppelin concert. Especially since the Reunion Show was apparently amazing.

Neil Gaiman
Brilliant writer. He is on a different level than the rest of us. His stories can be stylish and sharp or playful and heartbreakingly beautiful. For every person that has a lack of imagination it seems this ex-Brit is picking up the slack. American Gods, Neverwhere, and Stardust (the movie or the book) are good places to start.

Crooked Little Vein by Warren Ellis
If Neil Gaiman were formed from pure evil he would take the shape of fellow British writer Warren Ellis. Creator of some of the most delightfully twisted and depraved comic books known to man he has branched out to novels with Crooked Little Vein. It starts with Godzilla Bukkake and grows more Fucked Up (pardon my French) from there, anything else would be giving the story away.

Winning Stuff
Makes free stuff better by attaching a false sense of achievement and an element of surprise to it. Highly Recommended (recent winnings include: A t-shirt and a DVD of The Great Escape).

Planet Earth
Not the giant ball of rock and water but rather the achingly beautiful documentary about the place we all live. You will see things that have never been witnessed by mankind until the film crews captured them on camera (sometimes after waiting for month upon months just to get a shot).

Using the Rock Hand Point as a Greeting
Discovered at my hometown pub this Christmas, it has become my new favourite way of letting friends know that they totally rock! So extend those index and pinky fingers in their direction and let your friends know how you feel.

Deciding Against Recommending That People Wear Joker Make-Up in Public.
Because it feels like now it would just be in bad taste, you know?

Chuck
Not the Best Show On Television, but secretly my favourite. It balances geek (done right! no less) and Spy-Fi nearly perfectly. Plus it had Rachel Bilson for two episodes as a girl who makes the perfect sandwich (which I prefer to believe is a talent she holds in real life and that one day I will marry the sandwich making starlet of my dreams) and grown men dressed as a dancing Sand Worms.

Watching Movies That Flopped
Sometimes they can be plain bad, but more often than not you will find a hidden gem or a failure so magnificent in scope and terribleness that it can't help but be good. Plus filmmakers in the making will learn valuable lessons such as don't invest 175 million dollars in a movie about a surly, pee-drinking, man-fish (points to whoever guesses the film first).

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman
In this compilation of essays by Esquire writer Chuck Klosterman the American Soul is revealed through musings on The Real World and the age old rivalry between the Boston Celtics and the Los Angeles Lakers. Bitingly Witty and strangely insightful, a must for anyone who is way to invested in pop culture (like me).

Keys to the VIP
Aimless mysogeny at its best. Self-proclaimed pick-up artists compete in the game of games (ie picking up women in clubs) all while being made fun of by a panel of 4 men representing different areas of the male psyche. It's also the only game show I have ever watched that refused to hand out a prize based solely on the fact that the technical winner was a giant douchebag.

Cory Worthington
To quote Kellen, "That guy is a major Douchtackle." This is probably true but the Aussie teen, who threw a party that was so awesome ("Best Party Evah, So Far") it destroyed a neighborhood and repelled police (and he's throwing another in a couple of weeks), is kind of hilarious in his Bitchy-Newscaster-Out-Witting appearance on Australian TV. Plus his sunglasses are famous.

Not Having A Bird Hit Your Plane Before Take-Off
Serious "Class: Aves" what the Hell? Waiting in Airports at Christmas sucks balls.

The Mist
Surprisingly effective horror movie which focuses on the characters and not the effects. It also has the single most depressing ending ever. Prove me wrong.

Actually Reading Harry Potter
Though I hate to admit it these books aren't half bad, in fact they are down right decent. Though Snape is much much much less likable when played by my imagination instead of Alan Rickman.

Ending on a Happy Note
Stuff is awesome!

Out and About in Kitsilano

3:28am

Two old ladies in a grey Prius pull up alongside me as I walk to the 7-11 for a late-night keep-me-awake coffee. Apparently not from the area they need directions. Also apparently unable to fight their gambling addiction they ask where they can find the Casino.

It is not a normal December night.

Ber-Kewwww Goes the Laser Cannon

I honestly believe that if interstellar space travel was invented I would quite my job to become a space-pirate.

Does this make me a bad person? And more importantly who wants to be on my crew?

A Tale of Intrigue and Betrayal

The first time I saw the comics editor for the Gauntlet, the University of Calgary newspaper, there were a few things about her that stuck in my memory. These images have stayed there longer than her name, naturally, as I have always found pictures easier to remember than words. She was Asian and she had a mess of dreadlocks that were clearly her pride and joy. From her appearance I quickly deduced she was an arts major, probably specializing in drawing, but what I didn't expect, couldn't expect, from this comics editor was that she was completely humourless. Had she been at the initial Gauntlet staff meeting, the events of this tale might have never happened, but she didn't and they didn't either.

Devin and I were bright eyed and somewhat naive freshmen. I had yet to learn that Geology was all about finding oil on a map and he had yet to learn just how much math was required to be a comp sci major. We also had the misguided belief, fresh off a "bang-up" job as events coordinators on our student council, that extra-curricular activities were the place for us. That is how we came to join up with the Gauntlet. I could draw and together we made a decent writing team so naturally comics seemed like the right fit, not to mention with a full course load the least time commitment.

We, in our youthful naivety, were also convinced that we would be the greatest thing the comics page had ever seen. Surely with our combined genius and superior art could blow the pretentious, pseudo-intellectual, poorly drawn comics that adorned the back page out of the water. Of course our first mistake was probably that we didn't realize that maybe there was a reason that all the comics were the same. Of course hindsight is 20/20 and my foresight is legally blind so we went in pencils blazing, or at least slightly warm.

Comic-ing is a tricky business, especially at the get-go. You have to introduce your main characters, and at a once a week interval you have to do it pretty fast. So basically we had three panels to make our characters memorable. We chose three panels over the then popular, anime-inspired 4-panel layout because well we wanted to show that we didn't need to play to everyone's love of anime to be a success. We wanted to show that we were the rebellious new kids in town and so in our first comic we did what we thought would be edgy, but what any college student worth their salt knows is pretty much the college comic standard for first comics. We made fun of the paper publishing us. Except we were nerds, and thus secretly yearned for acceptance, so we included a disclaimer that was pro-Gauntlet and cleverly self-effacing.
Needless to say we hated it. But the deadline was closing in so we submitted it anyways and promised ourselves we would make up for it with the greatest second comic ever created. But before we could do that we would learn that the good folks at the gauntlet felt it necessary to change the font on our comic to a tiny and nearly unreadable version of comic sans.

At this point in my life I was still a dedicated science student, jacked up on caffeine and quantum theory, and hadn't developed my stern sense of artist integrity that I have today. No sir, all I cared about was that I had made the papers and was now a published illustrator. I mattered and nobody could tell me different. Devin and I were on the top of the world. Any day now, we were convinced, the fan mail would come pouring in.

Of course, the fan mail would have to wait because we still had the Greatest Ever Second Comic to create. This time we wouldn't have to introduce ourselves. This time we could show the readers what we really were. This time we could really be rebels. It was time for us to be lewd and crude and well, really that was it. We made a penis joke, I drew some skellingtons, and in our unique, daring, and trailblazing style we made fun of math.

We didn't want to alienate all of our fans however with this new and enterprising direction so we included another disclaimer under the pretence that we didn't want any feminazis (which TV assured us made up a bulk of the female student body) to hate us for the penis joke.

The mail man must have been so overwhelmed by all the fan-mail we were receiving because he was unable to deliver any of it. We decided to take a week break so that he would have a bit of a break. It also gave us the free time to get burgled.

Needless to say we weren't in the happiest state of mind when the deadline for our next comic came around. Much like Andre, Heather, and the rest of the Real World cast we decided to stop being polite and start being real. We brought our real world drama into our comic and addressed the burglary.
The comic was hastily drawn (which we apologized for in our now trademark disclaimer) and suffered from the constantly unreadable text and squished format. Coming off of our recent burglaring we had developed a strong sense that the world was against us. So we started to blame to people in charge for our lack of perceived success.

We delivered our final 3-panel comic, a fan-mail spoof with little fanfare and began to scheme how to improve the readability of our comic. We asked for a little more space and to be allowed to keep our original font to facilite an easier read. No dice. "We can't change the format of the page," they'd say. "We can't give you special treatment," we were told.

So we tried to take matters into our own hands. We switched to 4-panels instead of 3 because two panels of a four panel comic were given the same space as an entire 3 panel comic. We created the best drawn comic yet, with stronger lines and proper backgrounds. Even the writing was the best we'd done in weeks. It cleverly and self-deprecatingly spoke of our struggle to get more space. It poked fun at ourselves and, more importently, the Gauntlet.

The comic never ran.

I can only assume that our dreadlocked and humourless comics editor did not take kindly to the mild-mannered accusations levelled by our four-panelled effort. At first we thought maybe the email just got lost in the depths of the information superhighway (they were still calling it that back then) so we sent it again to no avail. After many attempts to find out why the comic had ceased running we decided that we needed to fight fire with fire.

We brought the fans into it, or at least we created a few fake accounts in the Gauntlet Forum and posed as angry fans who missed their weekly dose of Devin and Stu. Unfortunately we quickly discovered that the only people who read the forums were fake and created by us. We were finally defeated and swore that never again would we fall prey to the perils of extra curricular groups.

PROLOGUE

I stuck with the comic gig though and created a moderately successful, self-published superhero comic called The Masked Avenger. The small following of loyal fans (not to mention the money I made) helped to quell the disappointment of our original failure.

We briefly made an attempt to resurrect the original comic online, but it was too late. Devin and I were switching school and switching majors. There was no time for comics any more. The Masked Avenger ended after issue 5 (though it found a minor rebirth through the pen of Ian Urbanski) and Nerdism: The Website uploaded its last comic on Monday June 6, 2003.

If you want to invesigate further you can find some Masked Avenger comics online at http://stueypopp.deviantart.com or the online version of Nerdism at http://nerdism.comicgenesis.com/

Being Sick...

...Is fucking terrible.

Crosstalk: Books I Own That Might Actually Be Porn Films

5. Island of the Sequined Love Nun


Stu: Check out the bottom of the book cover. That there is a picture of a kidney surgery. I like to consider myself in touch with the likes and dislikes of the average Joe and I don't know anyone who has ever said "I saw this video of invasive surgery and it totally made me hard"

Also there is a bat, in broad daylight, which excludes the possibility of it turning into a sexy vampire. That leaves only one option: creepy rat with wings that gets caught in your hair and has breath that smells of rotting insects.

Plus the woman on the cover is PG-13 clothed and I don't know of any porn that doesn't feature at least 7 vaginas on the cover. Clearly the imagery on the cover of this Russian print of Island of the Sequined Love Nun belongs to something only the mind of an author could concoct.

Alternate Universe Stu: Island of the Sequined Love Nun? Come on. Clearly we aren't talking about the "Jesus Loves Us All" brand of brotherly love here. The woman in the red scrap of fabric definitely doesn't love you "like a friend." No Sir. It's definitely a title that belongs to the world of adult entertainment.

I imagine it plays out something like this: On a poorly constructed beach set there is a woman with low self esteem who happens to be dressed vaguely as a nun encounters an island tribe member who just happens to have a New York accent and access to hair products. She resists his advances at first (she is a nun after all) but quickly gives in because hey we're on the clock here. Cut to a surgeon and his nurse, working in some island hospital (which looks curiously like a beach house with a "surgery table" in it. They have just finished helping a patient and decide to try a little invasive procedure of their own. Later the doctor discovers the nun being ravaged by the slick-haired tribesman and chases him off. The nun repays him in the only way she know how and the nurse probably helps for no apparent reason.

4. Porno

Stu: Porn studios tend to like to present their work as something more than just porno. They will go to great lengths to say that their product is the latest innovation in real-time adult erotic visual entertainment when all they really mean is "It's Porn." but part of the porn game is pretend what you do isn't smut so you don't cry yourself to sleep at night, thus calling your product "Porno" is only possible if it isn't actually porno or else the illusion is broken. Verdict: Book

Alternate Universe Stu: Apparently Slutty Slut-filled Sluts who like Sluts 17 just wasn't clear enough as to what is contained within. This porn (and could it be anything else, the title really does prevent confusion here) is finally appealing to the lowest common denominator. Judging from the cover it probably features blow-up dolls, to each their own I suppose.

3. Monstrous Regiment

Stu: British Red Coats? More ridiculous than sexy. The only place I ever see British soldiers pop up is in long, boring dramatic films based on BOOKS and that one Mel Gibson movie where I learn that all British people are the Devil and we should attack them with axes or they with rape our houses and burn our wives down or something....I wasn't really paying attention.

Alternate Universe Stu: I will grant you that Red Coats do not traditionally equate with sexy. However, judging from the very bare lady legs peeking out on the bottom half of this cover I would hazard to guess that the uniforms don't stay on for long. Also Monstrous Regiment is clearly a metaphor which I won't get into other than to say I don't think any of the soldiers in this story will have much trouble filling their white trousers.

2. Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove

Stu: The porn world doesn't exactly like to be overt with the drug use that goes on and so I doubt they would feature a pill-popping anything on the cover of one of their products. Plus I honestly don't believe anybody in that industry would be able to tell you what melancholy means let alone be able to spell it (except Asia Carrera because she is a member of MENSA, apparently). Book, the end.

Alternate Universe Stu: Lust Lizard = penis, Cove = vajayjay.

1. The Bone Museum

Stu: I get that the word bone would have 5th graders and Beavis and Butthead fans everywhere fall into an endless loop of nervous giggling but this book is clearly about Dinosaurs. Good Ol' Dinosaurs safe in their musty books and forever safe from the slime-ridden tentacles of the porn ind-oh god! oh god my eyes! my virgin eyes!*

*please don't click these links. Seriously I accidentally stumbled upon them looking for an image for the Bone Museum section of this post and I almost clawed my eyes out. What was not destroyed of my childhood by Michael Bay' Transformers has now been beaten into a bloody lifeless pulp. Jurassic Park will never be watchable again.

A Manifesto of Sorts:

As mentioned earlier I have been challenged by one Mr. C. Sharpe to produce something for this blog. It is not like our previous challenges in which a competition was laid down between the two of us, rather it is a challenge to create something.

I share much of the sentiments that Cody expressed in his latest post. I love writing and all too often has it become a chore. Writing reports and hand-outs that contain no creative soul whatsoever is not something that brings me joy. That said writing in this blog often does. Sometimes I just need to write something down for the sake of writing and often it is utter nonsense as you can see by making a brief jaunt through the archives here at A Positive and Uplifting Message. I love to write and this is why I have chosen as my intended profession to be a writer for film/television and sometimes I need to write something where quality does not matter. That is what from this day forward I intend this blog to be. I hope you, the reader, will find what I post amusing or at least a little interesting if even for its utter absurdity.

I also intend to continue to use this blog to toss bits of visual art your way as well.

That was a short paragraph huh? Also, I would like to bring to your attention the law I set down for myself at the creation of this blog: Though Shalt Not Write About Thyself. Well screw that. I've decided I need a journal and it too will be here. I will try to keep the Livejournal Angst™ out of the journal of course because nobody likes an Emo.

Finally, as I always try to do, I will endeavor to inject my writing here and in the real world with as much of my own personality as possible (or "Popp-isms" as a friend recently mused) and probably some footnotes because footnotes are fun.

So while many may argue that this post lacked substance I say to thee, "Nay!" Consider it a manifesto of sorts. One that hopefully I will manage to follow. Cody I am looking at you to keep me honest and writing should I fall behind (I think at least a post a week should be considered "honest" in this case).*

I think Tom Robbins summed it all up when he wrote, "This sentence is made of wood."

Bon Soir et Bon Chance,

Stu Popp

*Should you so wish Cody I will try and keep you writing as well.

Fancy News for Fancy People

Check out the fancy new layout. I hope it meets the challenge set forth by Mr. Cody Sharpe.

Not Worth A Real Title

There will be real posts forthcoming. Until then enjoy this technological offshoot of the lolCat phenomenom I hate so very much.

Some Random Facts and Musings: A Third Season Spin-Off of Musings About Irrelevant Things

-That is probably the longest post title yet...

-I've discovered that I am infinitely more comfortable in any setting if I am barefoot. Today at work I went barefoot and was the most relaxed I have been in a while. Too bad crack needles and broken bottles abound make it nigh impossible to traverse the city in this fashion.

-This post isn't funny, like, at all, but it did drop one or two truth bombs and will hopefully signify my return to the blogging world and increase literary creativity on my part.

Added bonus game of this post: Count how many obnoxiously big words I used, misused (and possibly misspelled) over the course of the post.

3rd Party Topic #1: The Validity Of Horoscopes

To properly discuss the validity of horoscopes one must first understand what it is to be valid. The Oxford English Dictionary defines valid as "sound in logic" and therefore the validity of something can be gauged by whether or not it or, in the case of horoscopes, the method through which its results are reached is logically sound. Thus, we will not be discussing the accuracy or precision of a horoscope prediction except where it applies to the validity of the aforementioned horoscopes, but whether the methods used to create such a prediction are logically sound. I would hypothesize that they are not.

The driving force behind the predictions of horoscopes is Astrology, or the study of the alignments of heavenly bodies (or in more scientific terms: planetary and solar systems) and their effect on human (homo sapien sapien) life. Horoscopes are basically the end result of these "studies". Predictions reached by observing various important planetary and solar alignments.

Astrology is a pseudo-science and its origins are based in myth rather than rational, deductive thought. If the alignment of planets and stars is able to affect life on earth then there should be an observable and consistent pattern or force. Such a force does not exist, or is not observable by currents methods or technology. As current technology is able to observe even the most infinitesimal of forces I will argue that such a force does not exist or is too small to have an effect on a creature the size of a human being.

It could be argued that the effect is not driven by physical forces but rather psychological means. If this is the case then an observable and consistent pattern should still be observable. This can be determined by a simple test of comparing a series of horoscope predictions with the events of a person's day over a particular period of time (the longer the period of time the more accurate and precise the results of the test). If the horoscope consistently, accurately, and with precision predicts the events of the test subject’s life then it is likely that the horoscope used is in fact valid.

I myself have run this test on myself over the course of a week (while hardly an ideal length of time the constraints of my blogging schedule demanded it be so short). The first issue that I ran in to was that horoscopes are rarely precise in their predictions. So when the horoscope was accurate it was only because the prediction was so broad that multiple interpretations of its meaning were possible.

Secondly, the horoscope was not consistent in its accuracy. Over the course of the week the horoscope was never fully accurate and on at least two occasions failed to predict the events of my day completely. Such a lack of consistency in a time frame as sort as a week is incredibly damning of the validity of horoscopes.

Scientific theory is clear that nothing can ever be absolutely proven or disproved, but the evidence against the validity of horoscopes is overwhelming. In conclusion I would argue that the predictions made in horoscopes are not reached through any logical means thus they can not be considered logically sound and are therefore not valid.

A Little Note On The Update-Off

As part of the ongoing update off betwixt myself and Cody we have gotten a third party to suggest blogging topics for us to write about. Before the end of the week you should find a blog on both of our pages on the topic of:

THE VALIDITY OF HOROSCOPES

Though realistically you need only check here because cody's blog will be undeniably inferior to mine. That's all the trash talk I will do for now as I have to get writing!

My VisualDNA

Here is a neat little thing I found on Cody's blog. Speaking of Cody's blog: I'm coming for you Cody, let the update war continue!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Musings About Irrelevant Things #5: Goth Edition

Angsty goth kids make me smile.

I smile, of course, that knowing smile that says, "Hey goth kid I am actually laughing at you on the inside because it is impolite to laugh at you out loud in a bus/movie theatre/dentists office."

I myself have been feeling down the last couple of days (though it should be noted it was more of a healthy 20-something disillusionment than a teenager angst) and all of that went away upon reading an old peice of writing I had put up over at deviantart in which I festively and with a good nature (read: a near acceptable level of expletives) attacked the angsty teen community to be found on the aforementioned art site. ~NOTE~ I just realized how long of a sentence that was. It definately borders on being a run-on ~END NOTE~

Upon reading this 2004 era essay I was immediately forced by the reflexsive muscles in my face to smile (In fact, I almost wrote an Ode to the Internets update about it, but decided it would be to egocentric to write an ode to something I created). I had no reason to be down about life because there will always be angsty, face-painted, Avril Lavigne listening-to Goth Kids and that is something to smile about.

Most people find them annoying, but I find them amusing.

Thanks for brightening up my day you sad, little bastards!

Some Arts VII: Return of the Bride of the Arts

So it seems with my last post I broke my rule of not posting whiny emo crap on my blogspot. With that safely relegated back to livejournal where it belongs I can now go on with doing what this blog was intended to do: posting my crappy art and making self-depreciating jokes.


Without further ado here is the 18th page of issue 6 of The Masked Avenger and issue that has taken only a little under two years to not quite complete.


Enjoy!

Musings About Maybe Relevant Things

Thought #1: Is it a sign of getting older that I empathize and relate to the emotions of more adult characters in films now rather than the likes and interests of Brody from Mallrats?

Thought #2: Why recently have all my dreams been what-ifs? I used to dream of leading post-apocalyptic rebellions and evil moose(s) but now I dream of the previous days events if something slightly different had happened; a different choice made. And why is it I find these dreams harder to wake up from and easier to fall back in to at the touch of a snooze button.

Thought #3: Am I boring? or predictable? Am I predictable, boring Stu? I mean I know I can crack-wise or be funny from time to time but for the most part I feel like I am not living up to the standards of what is considered un-boring. To sum this thought up: Why is the only thing I ever really go out for the movies?

We (I) Recommend:

Becoming A Sports Fan
Everyone needs an enemy and this provides you with one you never even have to meet. (or two if you follow both college and professional varieties of your sport of choice).

Scarves
Nothing quite compares to the added neck warmth a good piece of wool wrapped around you provides. Also colour and wrapping method can help express who you are as a person (or how rushed you were that morning).

Primer
Was made for 7000 dollars on film ends and still manages to be the most believable movie about time travel I have ever seen.

Movie Posters
Can get you excited about a movie without giving away all the good bits like trailers do. Also collectible.

A Book With A Good Title
They say don't judge a book by its cover but if a book's title can make me laugh out loud or intrigue me I am more likely to pick it up (see The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time or The Island of the Sequined Love Nuns). If I was a professor I would probably be likely to give better marks to a wittily titled paper.

Blowing Bubbles
My days have been more fulfilling ever since I discovered a closet full of bubble fluid while attending a concert at UBC.

Breakfast
Recently rediscovered this one. It is fabulous. Nothing compares to preparing yourself a good breakfast. Even the race against the clock bowl of cereal is fantastic. The new brunch.

Cheerios
Hated them when I was a kid, but now I know what I was missing. No sugar. No nuts. No dried reconstituted fruit just Cheerios and milk. Delicious.

Esquire Magazine
Genuinely good articles without too much of a leftist bent. Has the unfortunate side-effect of making wish I was several million dollars richer.

Rolling Stone Magazine
Genuinely good articles with just the right amount of a leftist bent. Has the unfortunate side-effect of making me want to be a Rolling Stone Writer (which conflicts with the side-effects of Esquire).

Tetris
Still as basic as can be and still the most replay value of any video game I have ever played.

Photography With A 35mm Camera
Digital cameras make the "whrrr-chk" noise now but you still can feel the "chk" and this is all important. Plus for at least the next five years 35mm will always look better than digital. Plus manual focus really makes you think about your picture.

Brick
Set in a high school and filmed in colour yet it still manages to out-noir most old toughguy movies. Was talked about a lot when it came out but now is apparently not as good as Dreamgirls in the critics Top 10 lists. This should change.

Eva Green
So hot right now.

Daniel Craig
So hot right now.

Blue-Footed Boobie
Like the Penguin only not played-out and way more cool looking. Bonus points for having an awesome name.

Any Book By Tom Robbins
Always refreshingly odd and filled with interesting characters with a touch of fantasy. Often presents the meaning of something (occasionally life) and breaks the fourth wall in a delightful fashion. Almost a Robert Altman of literature and was Once described a been "written like Dolly Parton looks."

Starting Your Day By Thinking About Puppies/Kittens
Try It. You'll thank me.

Stella
A little late on this one, I know, but this Sitcom/Improv show is downright random and hilarious. Watch for great celebrity cameos.

New Hoody Feeling
Soft, warm, and cuddly. Arguably the greatest clothing feeling available for under 75 dollars.

Watching Larry Bird Play Basketball
Over a decade late on this one, sure, but trust me. A sports announcer once said "He couldn't run and he couldn't jump but at least he was Larry Bird" and that is the truth. The gangly, Indiana born Celtic is amazing to watch. He turned the game into an art form, and his pre-game interview cockiness is priceless. Always there with an impossible pass, buzzer-beating three, or self-rebound he was truly deserving of a sold-out retirement ceremony.

Footnotes*

Steak Sandwiches
Generally cheaper than a steak of the same size but lacking in the multiple sides. Good for when you want a steak but not a huge meal and when you don't feel like paying 20 dollars for a good piece of meat.

Not Watching Comedy Inc.
Seriously, why is that show even on anymore.

Snow Angels
Much like blowing bubbles this shit is relaxing.

Bars That Give Out Free Shots When The Home Team Scores
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Nurse a cheap beer and hope the other team's defensive line sucks.

Word A Day Calenders
salubrious \suh-LOO-bree-us\, adjective: Favorable to health; promoting health; healthful.

Casablanca
It really is that good and it has so many memorable lines you continually be going "oh that's where that is from."

The Adventures of Robin Hood
The 1938 version with Errol Flynn. It is delightfully fun and moves at a quick pace. Plus the expert archer they brought in to do all the trick shots actually twinned an arrow which is something even the Mythbusters couldn't duplicate. Still holds up remarkably well for being almost 70 years old.

"Fidelity" by Regina Spektor
Russian born Indie-pop princess belts out this beautiful number. The first song that really made me appreciate it solely for the way it was sung.

Being Inspired
Totally helps you get things done.

Steve Nash, Pheonix Suns
I know I'm not the only one that loves the fact that the best player in the NBA is a short, white Canadian. Looking for a three-peat on the MVP this year. Also the best TSN Sportsnight segment ever (The Nash-Register).

Pasta With A Good Cream Sauce
No chunky bits makes for a more complete pasta experience. Much better than a pasta-followed-by-eating-bits-of-vegetables-afterwards experience. Adding Chicken is acceptable.

Led Zeppelin (I)
How real rock 'n roll sounds. Doesn't get enough attention anymore.

Licking Frosting/Whipped Cream Off Of Stuff
Beaters, Spatulas, Spoon, The Little Reindeer Santa Ornament That Came With The Cake. It's all good and all satisfying.

"Too Short For Gidget" by The Brunettes
If you are the Tall Guy or Short Girl in any of your groups of friends then this song should be your anthem. Also it uses an organ which tends to sell me on the spot.

Fluke by Christopher Moore
An insanely, comedic book about whale biologists. Contains characters that will remind you of at least one science teacher in your past and is chalk full of science jokes that will double the humour value if you were ever a science major in University (even if you dropped out to pursue your love of theatre, dance, astrology, or anything else that your parents totally supported but not without a hint of disappointment in their voices that you still haven't come to terms with...I mean...nothing).

Stick It
My ultimate guilty pleasure. The epitome of so bad it is good and secretly appealing to anyone who defiantly tossed up "the horns" when they were in high school. Plus you can always lie and say you were confused by the presence of Jeff Bridges and you though it was the sequel to The Big Lebowksi. And as an added bonus it actually manages to be a little bit charming and funny, but don't tell anyone I said that.

Returning Library Books On Time
The library is awesome because it is free and has a better selection than Chapters so it stand to reason that not having to avoid going there because you don't want to pay late fees is awesome too.

Having A Gallery Showing Of Your Artwork
Granted I've never done this but doesn't it look like it would be so much fun. Also loads of friends, praise from friends, and booze.

British Accents
Still awesome, but mostly only if you are actually from Britain.

Good bye Lenin!
Funny, smart, emotionally touching and I don't even speak German. Wolfgang Becker's third feature film is a genuinely good movie that doesn't need an over-abundance of style to be interesting.

The Warriors
Pure style. Pure Awesome. The only film I would ever personally want to remake just because it would be so much fun and not because I think I could do a better job.

Downhill Winter Sports
Nothing quite beats the brilliance of strapping in to something edged and waxed and flying down a mountain through 2 feet of fresh powder. My personal poison is snowboarding but skiing is just as awesome (I don't discriminate).

At Least One Pair Of Garishly Coloured Socks
If you have shoes on they can be your little secret, and everyone likes to have secrets. In a pinch they are also good for a quick laugh. Very satisfying. Mine are orange and brown. I like to wear them with a suit.

The semi-colon (;)
I know just enough to make me wish I knew how to use it properly. Some day.

BBC's The IT Crowd
A near perfect mix of physical humour, wit, and brilliant comedic performances. The first season is available on DVD so you should pick it up. Manages to keep each episode self-contained but have evolving character relationships over only six episodes.

Bernard Black
The Irish lead character of Britain's Black Books. Manages to be bitter, drunken, and whimsical all at once and I am convinced he has the greatest facial expressions of all time. Played by Shaun of the Dead's Dylan Moran.

Owning A Suit
If you are a man there is nothing more empowering and satisfying then suiting up. It always makes you look at least 3 times better than you normally do and it makes you feel like the most awesome man in the room no matter how deep in to the hard times you are.

Hi-Fives
Still the single best way to show approval, friendship, and pretty much any other positive emotion.

Hugs
Arguably equal to hi-fives in satisfaction but not quite as all-purpose. Generally reserved for greetings, departures, and stronger positive emotions/affirmations. Always socially acceptable unless you are a douche bag.

"Frontier Psychiatrist" by The Avalanches
It's got a good beat, it's catchy, and has some killer samples. Also it's downright hilarious and the music video is even better.

Dropkick Murphys' Blackout
A solid punk album that is a refreshing departure from the whiny-voiced, high-pitched guitar schlock that passes for punk these days. It's loud, a little angry, rough, and unabashedly Irish. Some of this band's songs were also featured in The Departed which adds a little extra cool to them and by association this album.

Blackouts
A little time away from TV and the internet could do us all good. Also there is the chance for pitch-black makeouts.

Everything Is Illuminated
Has a couple of good laugh-until-it-hurts moments, assuming you find people refering to their dog, Sammy Davis Jr. Jr., as a seeing eye bitch funny, and then it sucker punches you with a touching and thought provoking ending.

Running With Scissors
Way funnier then I expected it to be and based on a true story. Alec Baldwin, Annette Benning, Gwyneth Paltrow and Brian Cox are all brilliant. Evan Rachel Wood is slowly gaining my respect after the cliched pile of dung that was Thirteen. I didn't even regonize Joseph Fiennes but he was pretty excellent too. Jill Clayburgh broke my heart as the only normal one who just wants everyone to be happy. Is often remarked as being "more like when it was called The Royal Tenenbaums" by pretentious film snobs. Strongly recommended.

What Not To Wear on TLC
Another guilty pleasure. Heartwarmingly good natured when you see people succeed in becoming fashionable normal people, yet it also caters to the inner sadists as the host are brutally honest and sometimes even mean. Stacy and Clinton also have a great dynamic as hosts that make them a blast to watch.

Not Having Your Longboard Stolen
I mean really, what the hell!!!

Fuck
It's a great word and I think you will enjoy saying it. Not for use around children.

Watching The Saturday Afternoon Game In Your Pajama Pants
There really is nothing more relaxing that doesn't involve hot water or another person. A bowl of Cheerios can also add that extra something to the mix.

Restaurant Garlic, Mashed Potatoes
It's the craving you never knew you had. Creamy, fluffy, and with just the right amount of garlic that you can never get at home.

Barbeque On The Beach
Bring a frisbee and the boche balls. Perfect way to spend an afternoon off. And for those in need of a quick letch there is bound to be at least one scantily clad girl in the midst.

Bose Headsets
They give a good, clean, rich sound and add that little extra amount of seperation from the real world. Musical escapism at its best.

Robert Altman
I don't know if this whole overlapping dialogue thing will take off, but I just saw M*A*S*H* and I think this kid is going to do alright.

Boxer-Briefs
They breathe like boxers and provide the lift and lack of riding often found in briefs. Also look the coolest.

Having Friendly Gatherings Over TV Shows
OC night, The Office parties, weekly Lost addicts club, and many more. Turning something naturally non-social into an excuse to hang-out (more friends need it then you would think) and drink is considerably cool.

PaperMate Clickster .5 mm Mechanical Pencil
My art pencil of choice. Rarely breaks lead by producing too much when clicked and has a comfortable grip and conveinient clicker location. Is affordable enough to lose even when recently filled with lead.

Admitting That You Like At LEast One New Hip-Hop Song/Artist
We all know you do because we all do too so just own up. You'll find that we probably like that song too. This doesn't apply to people who just like any old rap as you just have bad taste. I personally dig Gnarls Barkely and not just because of the awesome basketball pun in the name.

Bacon
Yep, It's still good.

Pit: The Game
Card-based simulated commodities trading game. Shouting not-so-random numbers at your friends is more fun than you'd think and also makes a great drinking game.

Poker
The media attention may have warn off but it is still being played by pretty much anyone and everyone. Make no mistake this is still the best (and most fun) way to lose twenty bucks to your friend Brian.

America: The Book
A little late here too but it is still funny and biting with great diagrams. The text book format continues to amuse me and the Canadian jokes are pleasent and manage to avoid being only about hockey (plus we still come out looking cooler than the US).

*footnotes are like director's commentary for literature. Bonus features without having to buy the DVD. Plus they are still the best way to toss in some exposition without disrupting the pace of a novel.

2006: A Retrospective In Which My Year Isn't That Exciting

As many National Events do, The New Year began with a party at my apartment. At this party the single most badass picture of Myself, Mike, and Pete was taken. There were other pictures taken at this party but they are not nearly as awesome. Pete and Mike would go on to have an astounding year of performances with their band London Spy and I would go on to neglect to photograph each show I attended.
There were birthday parties in which I drank alcohol from a fishbowl with old roommates. The consumption of such alcohol in no way contributed to my decision to...

...get a new hairstyle (the first new hairstyle in 2.5 years). I enjoyed the faux-hawk but would later decide to let the hair grow back due to laziness. I would later re-hawk and then get lazy again.
I may have also attended film school. Achievements whilst attended this institution include losing and then finding the locking pin for the transport truck we rented. Here Brian and I celebrate having found the pin. The location here is Riverview Mental Asylum (Celebrity Sighting #1: Matthew Perry)
But mostly at film school I spent a lot of time on photoshop. Above is one of the many fake pornographic magazine covers I made for the surreal (anything could happen) comedy Appalling Self-Abuse as well as a poster for the Cannibal Romantic Comedy of the year Curious Feast. I may have worked on other shows but I lack pictures from those so we will just pretend they don't exist.
Summer arrived and so did my cousin, Courtney. She is from the strange land of Oakville and likes to kayak/canoe competitively. Anywho, she accompanied my sister and I to the beach (Jericho to be exact because Kits Beach is largely filled with people from Surrey and I have misplaced anger toward Surrey-ites for no apparent reason other than fitting in with the rest of the Greater Vancouver Regional District).

Where we barbequed with friends. Also I sang a song with hand motions I think.
Look how much fun we had!!!
Then I went home for a week. A stay in Fernie which promptly led me to go on a road trip.
To Alberta (which promptly led me to return home to Fernie). The lack of mountains was unsettling so I...
...Graduated! Pictured here is the illustrious DP2. A friendship forged in the early days of the school year whilst working on a Documentary about a boring old man who did some things during World War 2. If you are reading this blog chances are you have met at least one of these people.

A better retrospective of my year at Vancouver Film School can be found here: http://bjrproductions.com/class_107_1.html

I had nothing to do with it escpet for appearing occassionally.

After graduation some of us shot a short film and I started taking pictures on 35mm. Here is one that I have already posted but reposted due to the need to have a picture of this particular event in the retrospective.

Then I did a lot of job hunting/writing and was unemployed for a bit. I did do a bit of Teacher Assistant-ing for the Location Sound department at VFS which led me to use the term "My Students" much to my amusement and nobody elses.

Finally I managed to find work as a highly respected and cared for Production Assistant* on The Greatest Film Ever Made. (Celebrity Sighting #2: Jessica Alba but don't tell her that or I might get fired).

The I went home for holidays. I went snowboarding on the now incredibly expensive hill. I did however manage to catch some fresh powder which is always a bonus.
My sister also got some Freshies (or First Tracks depending on your colloqiualism preference). Seen here is a picture of her actually snowboarding because she is better than me at that and I am better at taking photographs so it was the natural order of things.
Here is my hometown as seen from the Lizard Bowl on the ski hill. I could try and point out my house because you can see it in this picture but that would be a lot of tedious, time-wasting effort on my part and I'm sure most of you would give up before you actually found it anyways.
And to bring things back round in the full circle I returned to Vancouver and threw a New Years Party (co-hosted by Amanda). Seen here are roommates, BFFs, future roommates, friends, and friends of friends. It was a good event and I will probably throw another next year if I am not living in a gutter somewhere.

Now you are probably asking "Didn't anything else interesting happen this year?" and the answer is yes a whole bunch of way, way more interesting stuff happened only I don't have any pictures of it or it is more of a personal nature and as you may know I don't discuss them on this blog rather I tend to drink and talk about them loudly at bars.

That's it for 2006, I suppose I could a few top 10 lists or something like that but I won't because we are already four days in to the New Year so I think it is time to get on with our lives and brace ourselves for all sorts of new favorite things.

Enjoy 2007 and I will see you Next Update (4-1 Cody and this one had substance like a motherfucker).

*In case you are unfamiliar with the film industry this is sarcasm. I actually stood in -20 weather on street corner and parking garages and could have been fired for looking at certain things I should not be but have not been told to avoid looking at.