Lindsay Lohan Involved in a Pregnancy Scandal... In a Movie.

1:37 Pregnant lady... couldn't possibly be foreshadowing right guys?

1:42 Wow Lindsay looks super-pissed about giving up her seat on the bus to the pregnant lady... smooth moves Lohan.

3:00 I was about to make a "this movie has a token Asian" joke but then it turned out he was Lindsay boyfriend, way to make me feel like an asshole, Movie...you win this round.

4:00 SNL alums... that means the movie will be good right?

4:30 Nevermind recurring poop joke, oh and Lindsay is bad at her job, surprise!

8:00 And all the problems Lindsay will have to fix are laid out in one convenient business meeting

8:30 Dog vomit!

10:28 PLOT! She's (not actually) pregnant to save her job.

11:25 Pregnancies make you unfire-able. It's like being in a union...

12:15 who is this old man who keeps showing up?

13:22 She got the idea from Law & Order, guys

16:31 The nerdy antagonist suspects that the very skinny Lindsay is not, in fact, 4 months pregnant.

17:13 Something terrible is going to happen to that dog, it is like the go to gag for bad comedy writing since Anchorman.

18:49 CALLED IT! Eccentric writer guy just died on the dog. However will Lindsay solve this problem? Will it be at the end of the movie after she has been shamed for faking a pregnancy? Let's find out.

21:00 Yes, because people won't get suspicious if you go from Anorexic to giant preggers belly overnight.

23:01 And the bus joke comes full circle.

25:47 aaaand now we're exploiting the fake pregnancy for capitalism

29:45 The lies they are a-growing. She'll solve her problems by drinking aparently. The true Lindsay Lohan Method.

36:34 You mean the bumbling, attractive, white executive is going to be the love interest and displace the Nice-but-kind-of-immature Asian Guy? Hollywood... I wish I was surprised...

38:00 Fake orgasm joke! HILARIOUS! #sarcasm

39:00 Blandy McBland wants to be a writer? I bet Lohan inspires him to do it, except that would be a cliche...

40:00 And she wanted to be a musician, I see a musical number in this movies future.

43:10 New character lady has Sarah Jessica Parker face...

44:38 Exit Ex-boyfriend stage left

48:13 Nerdy antagonist is now on her side apparently, and there is a really awkward executive named Karl now.

51:42 Pregnancy belly THEFT! because nobody in the store will notice you growing several inches in the change room.

56:50 and now apparently Lindsay has gone crazy and believes she actually is pregnant.

1:09:46 I got bored there for a moment and played some Tetris on my phone. To recap Lindsay's sister went baby-psycho on her and tore up her belly. She replaced it with a balloon. There is no way that could go poorly... right guys?

1:10:13 Pop!

1:11:10 Blandy McBland isn't taking it well, how will LiLo fix this one, and what part will TV Personality Janean Garofallo play in the solution

1:12:40 "The Vista" instead of "The View"? clever movie...

1:14:27 The younger sister who wanted to be a cook but Lindsay wouldn't let be a cook is actually a good cook? shocker. I bet this talent helps solve all her problems.

1:15:48 Ah it ties in directly to the Garofallo conundrum

1:18:00 Pregnant Lady who is in labour is apparently going to be on the Gorafallo show. Oh, no, wait "Clever heartwarming solution" is in effect.

1:23:45 Two Years Later... I bet she's pregnant wouldn't that be hilarious? I should write movies.

1:28:00 Lindsay Lohan apparently needed a stunt double for this movie in which the most strenuous thing she did was slide into home in a softball game...Stay Classy Hollywood

1:29:08 The End. True to it's title this movie was in fact the cinematic equivalent of Labour Pains, I felt like I was peeing out a bowling ball for the last hour and a half...

In the words of a better man than I, "Goldblum ouuuutttttt..."