Moustache Month Photojournal: Shaving and Week 1

Remember when I said that I would provide weekly updates for the terror that was moustache month? Yeah well I lied. Remember when I said that before and then promised an end of moustache month update? I lied then too. But now, just over a week later, I have come through. I present to you the carefully structured, wittily commentary'd, Marvelous Moustache Month Photojournal...in three parts...because I like to make people wait. LET PART ONE BEGIN!!!

WEEK 1: The Shavening Here are our heroes pre-shaving, though it is only noticable on Dave (a trend that would continue). From left we have Me (aka Alpha and Omega), Steve (aka Dynamite Jones), Casey (aka The Crazy Cuban), and Dave (aka The One Who Can Actually Grow Facial Hair).
If you ever wondered what the super-exclusive secret society of Snakes On A Plane looks like here is the best possible example I could find. Look how organized we are all lined up like that for maximum picturability. As a sidenot Dave isn't actually taller than me but anticipating the pattern of the picture allowed me to duck. That's the kind of quality that gets one declared leader of Snakes On A Plane, which is by the way a totally sweet position.

WEEK 1: The Handsome Years
Look at how smartly dressed this young fellow is, nine out of ten british gentlemen agree he is quite smartly dressed and would be perfect to court their daughters. This manner of handsomness will be gone by week 2 so ladies get your looks in now.
Look how happy everyone is, filled with the hopes of wicknar and badass moustachios to come. These boys truly are filled with hopes...
and smarts. Look at Dave and his looks to the future. Only he truly knows what is to come.Such youth is abound in our resident minor.

My contemporary Mr. Woodrow B. Fudge can barely contain the laughter.

NEXT: The Day The Laughter Died

December Beach Party!!!

Everyone get their best beach/swim gear cause we are going partying!! At The BEACH!!!* board shorts, Burt Reynolds shorts, old timey swim trunks, swim suits, tank top, t-shirts, bikinis are all welcome. Girls in bikinis are encouraged. Guys in speedos...well...read the poster.

*Beach will be played by a kiddy pool and some sand at Hans and Stu's house.

EDIT: The keg will now be 10 dollars a piece as we are getting a 50 litre one

The Snakes On A Plane Application Form Is Here!!

Your eyes do not decieve you folks! That most excellent and mysterious of mysterious secret organizations Snakes On A Plane is opening up its doors to applicants. Simply by filling out this application form you are potentially entering the world of secrets previously known by four special individuals: Stuart, Steve, Dave, and Jesus. Those with the highest scores may even learn some things we know that Jesus does not. We are that awesome.

So get out your pencil and get to the writing. You could be the next Snake on a Plane.

-Disclaimer-

Filling out this form does not ensure entry. It does ensure that your answers will be scrutinized and ridiculed by Snakes On A Plane members and their close friends...and maybe Jesus. By filling it out and sending it back to me you are giving me the right to make fun of you, so just remember that and don't sue me.

The Snakes On A Plane logo is courtesy of Mr. Jeffrey Rowland (www.wigu.com)

Dr. McNinja is courtesy of Dr. McNinja (www.drmcninja.com)

Moustache Month: One Week Left Update!

We, the poorly bearded boys of VFS, have braved our way through 23 of the required 30 days of Moustache Month with only a few casualties. We lost the resident foreign/Austrian guy, Max, to no apparent reason and our Cine TA Jason to demands from his "girlfriend". The rest of us however are fighting on against the trials of itchy faces and unimpressed pretty ladies.

Some of the participants have grown respectable facial hair (some have full beards) and are already expressing that they are loathe to part with it for reasons of either their girlfriend likes it (take that Jason!) or they think it makes them look "cool" or something like that.

Others spend at least ten minutes every morning staring themselves down in the bathroom mirror, gripping their razors and cream tightly as the cold ceramic of the floor saps the heat from our toes, fighting the burning desire to end it all and shave off the ratty uneven mess that marrs their once clean features.

I, myself, have never come so far as to fight a battle of the wills over my bathroom sink but I am by no means proud of the sparse facial hair that litters my face. In fact, the only thing that has saved me from such an early morning war is my competitive spirit. I, in fact, am the worst off of those still holding to the pact. Not only is my beard patchy and slow growing but I am also the fairest haired of the bunch rendering what hair that does grow nearly invisible from any kind of distance. Everyday I am subjected to questioning from my peers as to whether or not I have shaved the previous night, yet I still itch as bad as the rest. Girls still avert from my gaze. I could deal with these things if I was in fact gaining a "wick-nar and totally badass" moustache at the end of the month, but all signs point to grade 9 puberty nerd-stache. I will attempt to offset this by wearing AVs (aviators for those of you playing at home) all day and throwing a supremely badass December Beach Party in the evening. If you are reading this and have the means to contact me for directions that means you are invited.

Where are the pictures you ask? Well seeing as how the promised(?) weekly pictures did not happen but were taken I will post them all at the end of Moustache Month thus given you the full embarassing experience. I will also post a photo journal of the party so you can all relive my drunken foolish escapades.

Moustache Month!

Tomorrow I will be bringing my shaving kit to school nice and early. "Why?" you might ask.

"Because tomorrow is the beginning of the official Snakes On A Plane Moustache Month," would be my answer.

To clarify, Snakes On A Plane is an elite organization of badass film students. It is comprised of Myself, Dave, and Steve. We do have an application form should someone wish to apply and are working towards getting T-shirts. Basically we are awesome. There have been some copycats but what they gain in numbers they lack in awesome. We are not an exclusive bunch, however, and we regularly do things with non-members. In fact rarely does Snakes On A Plane (or S.O.A.P. if you will (we're cleaning up VFS)) do any exclusive activities. We're just good like that.

One such activity is Moustache Month. All participating parties are, tomorrow morning, to bring their shaving gear to VFS tomorrow morning where they will shave off any facial hair (excluding sideburns because I will be god-damned if I'm parting with those!). Then they shall not shave for 31 days straight. Or to be more specific they cannot shave everything, goatees are allowed and any manner of design can be shaved in. However, one cannot shave the moustache region in anyway and more than just the moustache must remain unshaven. Furthermore, what is left unshaven may not be trimmed. On the 31st day we will all shave off any non-moustache facial hair resulting in a bad 70s gang appearance. All Snakes On A Plane members are then required to wear Aviators and talk like dirty cops for the ret of the day.

Oh YES! It's On Now! Also, I expect to look.... ...Like this.

Fear the badly photoshopped moustache!

Gas-O-Line

I think I have an undue fascination with floating gas stations. I don't know why...there's just something about them. huh.

Some Arts III: Son of the Arts

I've been doing some drawing lately in my free time, which has been surprisingly sparse. This has resulted in drawings which are high in quality but low in quantity. Some of you anonymous internet critics out there may be shouting to the high heavens about how you disagree with my quality content (or not because I doubt you read this) but I could care less about whether or not you think I "suxx0rz", in fact this entire sentence was entirely so that I would have a larger pre-drawing paragraph. Now on to the art:

I experimented with a new method of doing the speech bubbles and I like the results (though in the future using a ruler to help with lines will be a good idea, I think). Astute people might notice a cameo from the Punk Ninja (All for you Devin, all for you) and the Snakes On A Plane I am so obsessed with. You may also notice the change in font. I found the new font over at a real comic artist's page.Hey, Look it's Jacqui! Or at least it is Screech, the tone-aly challenged supervillain, who is based on Jacqui. The rest of the SFU girls supervillain characters can be seen in similar drawings over at The Masked Avenger-verse (linked on the side).

Urban Assault Ultimate Frisbee Cross

I present to you an idea conceived after several beers and the use of recreational pharmaseuticals by certain parties: Urban Assault Ultimate Frisbee Cross.

The rules are fairly simple, or at least they are simpler than that Sodoku game that is sweeping the nation of Britain. What you need are at least two teams of two people (though more teams = more fun) and enough frisbees for a 1:1 ratio of teams to frisbees. The game takes place in the downtown area of the city late at night or early in the morning when there is less chance of people getting hit by traffic. The teams will start at a pre-determined location and they must race to another pre-determined destination. They must pass the frisbee back in forth, but much like Ultimate Frisbee the person who is in the possession of the frisbee can't move. As in most races whichever team catches their frisbee across the finish line wins, but how they get there is up to them.

Dirty play such as pushing members of opposing teams into various obstacles (though pushing someone into moving traffic is discouraged it is not illegal in the sense of disqualifying your team, the police may feel differently however) or stealing an opposing team's frisbee and throwing it onto the open door of a bus so that it seriously hampers the forward movement of said team is not only allowed but encouraged. Style points for the most creative way of fucking with the other teams may even be awarded, sort of like how being the best climber won't win you the Tour de France but it will get you a fancy red polka dot jersey.

Possible additional and optional rules have been suggested:
-All frisbees would be matte-black and painted with invisble phosphorescent paint and the teams would wear night vision googles so that only they could see the frisbees. In this variation wearing urban assault gear is a must.
-Course extended to include North Van and thus likely requiring teams to cross the Lion's Gate Bridge upping the frisbee loss danger.
-The inclusion of smaller, harder attack frisbees (putting or chipping frisbees from frisbee golf would be ideal) for use in crippling opposing teams or knocking enemy frisbees out of the sky.

And there you have it. The greatest sport since African Outdoor Tire Cricket where the best (or at least dirtiest) team wins.

Fernie Photo Tour Part 2: Why Snow Days Are Bad

Contained within this post is evidence of the debauchery Fernie is fraught with as well as pictures of natural disaster aftermath. We are like a mini-New Orleans without people getting raped in the superdome(ooh sort of topical). Anywho enough of my blabbering and on to the pretty pictures. Photo-tourgasm begin! This shot depresses me a little because it is the Ski Hill lacking in snow. For those of you thinking "Wow, that is a pretty shitty Ski Hill!" I would like to note that all you can see in this shot is the run known as the Mighty Moose which is Fernie's "bunny hill." Not pictured is everything awesome about the Hill. Anyways this was raken from the parking lot of the hotel where I worked night shift for way to many nights. Every day I saw this and wished for snow. Then snow came. Twice. Once in June and then again in early September. This made the longest period without snow this year in Fernie 3 months and 2 days. This picture was taken in the morning before it proceed to become a shit storm. See normally when it snows in Fernie it is cold resulting in light, fluffy, champagne powder, but it was warm and wet in the summer resulting in heavy, clingy sleet. This proceeded to cling to trees causing their branches to freeze and... ...snap off. This tree wins the award for most fucked as it pretty much snapped in half. I stood outside my house and listened to the snap crackle pop of my powerlines getting destroyed. There was about a snap every 5-7 seconds for several hours. It was eerily cool. I ended up having to knock snow off my family's trees with a broom stick to save them (the trees not my family). Also reading by candlelight hurts my eyes. This is why I will never be one of those people that spends large amounts of time grooming their hedges. Nature hates those people. Also as you can tell the snow didn't last very long. Why? Because it was summer...moron.But it did last long enough for the local avant-garde artist's kids to make snowmen. Not show is a poorly built snowfort that looks like a really tall snowman fell over.

That's it for wreckage pictures. Now it is on to the debauchery portion of the show, and by debauchery I mean mild partying and community events. Welcome to the Taste Of Fernie, an event where all 7 of the restaurants in Fernie get together to show off samples of items on there menu. It is like a giant grocery store free sample booth except you have to pay to get in and then you have to pay to get the samples. Also some bands played some songs. Highlights of this were the 12 year olds playing generic shitty punk and who also apparently didn't grasp that an event where people can bring there 5 year olds is probably not an event where you should scream "fuck shit cunt" into a microphone. At least not at age 12 when you are playing music I don't approve of...when you hit twenty it is totally badass and cool to swear at kids, I do it all the time. The band in the picture is Big Bubba and Cottontop (the drummer doesn't have a nickname). They are a pretty cool folkish rock band that sings about things like vampire clowns and features my high school Biology teacher Mr. Tomney (Cottontop). This was shot from the beer tent.And this is the beer tent as seen from behinf the stage. mmm beer. This is the inside of the food tent. Notable restaurants include The Curry Bowl (voted best date restaurant by Snowboarder Magazine), Sawai Thai (awesome Satay Chicken), and The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. The latter is notable simply because... ...My friend Chantel works there. She wasn't too excited about being photographed in uniform and will likely be unhappy about being shown and talked about on this site. So moving on to... ...Other people I know. Three of the four people pictured here are Teacher's Kids (we're like a club who's only perks are getting to go in the teacher's lunch line at the cafeteria and getting ridiculed by the student body...). The fourth is a teacher's wife. Specifically a teacher-who-is-a-member-of-a-previously-mentioned-band's wife. From left we have Jesse (who I was in some plays with), Steph (more later), and Chrissy (Steph's sister, known her since I was 3). Here is a shot from the inside of the DJ's booth at the Fernie Hotel (mentioned in the previous post). My friend DJ'd here and hated it because people made him play shitty old rock and country songs. I generally only stopped by to keep him sane because I hated that bar. The hooded figure is Lee (probably stoned), Fernie's local paintball fiend. Also pictured are "cougars" and a local stagette party.This leads us to my favorite Looks Like A Hick Hangout But Is Filled With Nothing But Snowboarders Bar: The Royal. I was here almost every Thursday for jam night. Also I really wish I had stolen that red PeeWee Herman bike. That or the elk head. Usually that involved hanging out with the big, goofy-looking fucker shown here. His name is Will I've known him ever since we were in the same little league team in elementary school (to answer your questions: I was a pitcher. I was okay, but had a habit of beaning specific people. We lost a lot.). Will is originally from the coast and will eventually be moving back. The girl in these pictures is Trista. I didn't mention her in the previous paragraph because there are like three pictures of her which I need material to write captions for and I don't know much about her other than we hung out like 2-3 times at the bar, her dad owns a local pizza place, and she's pretty hot. She also apparently likes to blow on random guys bums. For those of you who might be wondering: No, quantity of photosis not necessarily indicative of anything other than that Trista liked to vamp for the camera (is that an actual expresson? or am I an idiot?). Anyways I have no idea who the guy in the picture is so lets move on to people I do know. Hey, It's Elliot! Not only does this guy play a mean guitar he was also my connection at Frozen Ocean when it was still up and running. Also strangely enough every year when I went in to buy new shoes he had always just bought a package of socks for himself and would give me a pair. Coincidence? Yes, but an eerie one considering it happened like 4 years in a row.

-EDIT-Picture removed on pain of slow, excrutiatingly painful death-EDIT-

Ah, Family. I am probably courting death by posting this crappy, taken-when-she-wasn't-looking-and-had-her-eyes-closed picture of my sister, but whatever...I live on the edge, baby! I said I would talk more about Steph and so here we go! This is Steph, daughter of Cottontop of Big Bubba and Cottontop, who I have been friends with since I was 2 (confirmed by memories of a house she lived in until the tender age of 1.5 years old (at which point I was 2)). Needless to say she the person who I hung out the 3rd most with. She is also the same Steph who rents the smallest house in Fernie. She also is likely going to be moving to the coast in a year...maybe.And to wrap things up I present Kelly (or Kelli, I didn't ask), the cute Aussie who stole my heart (but not really) by wearing a Spider-Man costume to the bar. It was for her workplace's "S" party (other costumes included Sid Vicious, SpongeBob, and a guy named Steve who went as himself). She works at the Same Sun Lodge, one of the many Hostels in Fernie (I recently discovered that there is one on Granville too).

To conclude, this is what Fernie is really all about: Snow, Cute Snowboarders (of Canadian or Aussie descent), and drinking. Screw the picturesque mountainscapes, let's get drunk!

Come With Me...

...as I take you on a magical journey through the City Of Fernie. Before we get to the pictures I would like to share some fun historical facts about the City of My Birth:
-Fernie is named for William Fernie, a right asshole who stole a Kutenxai princess and ran away chased by her father. He settled in the Elk Valley and established Fernie because there was coal here.
-The chieftan then proceeded to put a curse on the town which proceeded to burn down twice in the early 1900s and have a flood so bad than houses actually floated down the river.
-sometime after WW2 the mayor and a different chieftan smoked a piece pipe and started Fernie's long marriage with weed culture. oh...they also lifted the curse.
-only one major flood has happened since and it was a bit of a wuss.

On To The Pictures! Unlike Cam's home-city phototour this one will lack any works of art because Fernie is small and filled with people who "don't like no artsy crap" but there will be mountains because Fernie is surrounded by them. This one ties into the fun historical facts because the shadow on this mountain is the "ghost rider" and is supposed to depict William fernie on his horse followed by the princess and chased by her father. Also pictured are, in geographical relation to the camera, the Fernie Hotel (or where you can find half of my graduating class drinking themselves into oblivion), The Overwaitea where I earned the title Least Productive Service Clerk, and my old old High School.

This is Castle Mountain as viewed from my front yard. Hidden by the tree is a set of radio towers on the mountain that I was covinced at age 5 was the castle for which Castle Mountain was named. Turns out it was just cause of some stupid cliff.Continuing the history lesson apparently the chieftan was mad at his daughter and her two sister tried to help her hide. They failed and the chieftan turned them into a mountain. Or a god turned them into a mountain to protect them. I forget. Either way there is a mountain called the Three Sisters one mountain over from the Ghost Rider. Finally we have Fernie Mountain or Mt. Fernie...see how well I know the town I grew up in. Anyways on the left side of the mountain you might be able to make out a clearing which I am personally convinced looks like a duck wearing a) aviator goggles b) a leather flight cap and c) a scarf. Will agrees with me so I think that proves I'm not crazy.This picture is a seguay to the building portion of the tour. This is a shot of historic downtown Fernie and in the background is the Lizard Range, better known as The Ski Hill. What you can't see is that half these storefronts are empty or closed because the Ski Hill has no snow on it yet and thus the various hippy and head shops aren't selling too much product right now. Well...okay...the head shops are doing okay. And so is the vacuum store (I don't get it either).Speaking of empty stores. Frozen Ocean was once my favorite board shop in town, and not just because they (the owners/employees) knew me and thus gave me 30% off everything. This is a picture from last winter because the store is now empty. Apparently, the guy who ran it was doing the finances for his unrelated juice shop through FO and the owner didn't like that too much so he came in the dark of...evening and took everything. I happened to see this happen actually. Sadly I will no longer recieve cheap skate shoes. However there is an FO on Granville Island so all is not lost. I call this one "And I wonder why people have such a hard time believing I am a snowboarder from Fernie and I don't smoke pot" for fairly obvious reasons. Continuing the board shop theme is the Edge of the World hearse which screams, "I can desecrate the dead and catch some freshies all in one go!" I personally think this is a genius way of transporting snowboards which always have a nasty habit of being too big to fit in your car. It also makes you look like a complete badass. It also has a monty python quote painted on the back window. A dollar for whoever guesses the right quote. ...and back on the head shop theme. This is a Mexican import store. Despite all odds it has managed to stay open in an area where better stores have failed. My conclusion: drug front. Poorly disguised too as shown by the statue of a smoking guy outside the store.I'm not entirely sure why there was ever a grain elevator in the middle of the Rockies but apparently there was and now it is an overpriced restaurant where the financially elite assholes can get a 30 dollar steak that, honestly, tastes no better than something I can get for 9.50 at Whitespot.This is one of the better restaurants in town. One where I caused a waitress distress by suggesting I would simply climb out the bathroom window rather then pay the bill. It is home to the Hungry Harold, a 1.5 foot wide platter of poutine (real poutine with cheese curds) topped with vegetables and two cajun chicken breasts. For those playing the home game that is a shit-tonne of food. Also those flower baskets are actually chairs from one of the ski lifts.This is my old high school. At least it was until it was deemed unsafe due to it's backwardsly installed ventilation fan and a structure that was so old it could no longer take the snow load an buckled every winter so much that doors could not be opened or closed without the use of excessive force. So a new high school was built......out of tin cans by some guy from Whistler. It was a vast improvement on the old school because whereas the old school only threatened to collapse under Fernie's snowload the new school actually did...twice. Conclusion: people from Whistler know fuck all about snow.Outside the new school is the closest thing we have to a statue...a giant rock. Many a drunken attempt to climb onto this has been made, not by me because I am not an idiot (I only climb on it sober...I swear). Also people like to ride bikes off the top of this usually resulting in injury. This is the house where a bulk of The Off-Season was shot. It is also the home of the girl whom I have dubbed "She Who Ruins Movies". There is a couch in the middle of the back lawn which is infested with maggots and also which I made my actors sit on. When I took this picture it was titled Smallest House In Fernie because...well...look at it, it's tiny. But I am convinced my friend Steph (whom you will meet on the people/events/bars installment of the tour) recently began renting something even smaller. The entire lawn of this house used to be a rock garden that was supposed to represent the sea floor. Nobody thought it was cool...because it wasn't. This shot may seem to have no real significance and it doesn't. I took it because a) mushroom shaped trees b) it's a good shot of the Three Sisters and c) That house is the most Italian house in Fernie (You can only see one Italian flag painted on it here but there are at least four that I can think of). I walked by these houses anytime I needed to go uptown. That included walking to and from school. In my 18 some odd years of living in Fernie I never ever saw these garage doors open. As a kid I thought the house that lay behind that gate was abandoned and haunted. Then on the day before I was to leave Fernie this summer I was walking uptown and lo and behold: Doors Open. This is what is behind my house. Well behind the dyke that is behind my backyard. To either side of this shot is trees meaning I literally have a forest out my backyard, complete with cougars, mooses, and bears...oh my! Also pictures is my chocolate lab Teva. She is not the smartest dog when it comes to finding something you are pointing directly at but she can understand commands in French (seriously). This is the creek that runs into the river that runs behind my house. I have to cross it (via bridge) anytime I want to leave my neighbourhood and go uptown. It is also the site of many a childhood fishing/swimming expedition. In 1995 it overflowed and ran down my street (nobody anticipated that the levees would break) hence the reinforced by stainless steel dykes. It is also the site of this: I have dubbed this Beetle-Jesus and it is quite frankly one of my favorite things in all of Fernie. I don't know who did it but they are obviously more artistic than the people that write the usual Grad '02 graffiti around town. They are also incidentally my hero.

I'm going to end things there for this installment. Join me tomorrow for my snow damage/events/bar tour of Fernie.

The Warm Seat: Now With Less Journalistic Integrity

Okay after last night's lesson, which taught me that when sleep deprived I gain journalistic integrity and lose what little funny I have, I have decided to take another crack at this self interview thing. This time I have come prepared with a bottle of caffienated beverage and pre-prepared questions. It is also earlier in the night which should help. So let's start this bitch off (cause swearing is funny) with a question suggested by Mr. Haas.

Fictional Interviewer: Who the fuck are you? and why should I care?
Stuart Popp: I'm the guy who writes this blog and you probably shouldn't and/or already don't care.

FI: You have a comic that you co-write and draw so what do you think of webcomics in general?
SP: I think that more people generally need to read my comic because there are a lot of shitty comics out there that are all blah blah emo blah blah anime blah blah livejournal. So why should my shitty comic be left behind?

FI: I get the sense you don't think very highly of livejournal/blogs.
SP: No there are some excellent blogs out there that are quite enjoyable to read. They also provide a way of keeping friends who are far away up to date with what going on with you without having to talk to everyone individually. That said, there are a lot that are simply, to quote a friend, BlahBlahBlah Let's talk about me.

FI: While I've got you on an opinions streak what are your thoughts on a)organised religion and b) America?
SP: Those are some complex issues. It will be hard to be funny and also not piss off people by generalising here. So let me explain what I think...no that'll take too long let me sum up a) Faith = good but organized religion = not all that super and b) Bush administration and lots of the shit that is going down in the states = bad, but lots of Americans = decent to pretty cool. Or alternatively: OMFG AMRICA SUXXORZ LOLZ!!!1one!

FI: You are going to film school soon. Do you see yourself becoming famous?
SP: Yes, but I think most of the people that go into this industry hope for that. Even the strictest artists do because they want people to see their art. Plus I've got the triple threat: talent, looks, and a big head (I'm talking huge!), also I've already had one failed celebrity romance so I'm halfway there already.

FI: Continuing on this film tangent, what is the deal with The Off-Season. Will it ever be finished?
SP: Not anytime soon, and definately not with live actors for the remaining scenes. I will either refilm the entire thing someday or when I have time do the last five scenes with hand puppets. I figure if I go the puppet route I'll have a better chance of making it in a film festival because people love irreverant things.

FI: You seem like a decent guy yet you have claimed on many occassions to be an asshole. Why is this?
SP: See everyone else thinks that I am a nice guy because I always seem polite and say I am going to do nice things...This is a trap. The politeness is a ruse and the nice things never happen. For example, I promised Devin a cookie in return for MS Paint art on his blog but there will be no cookies, I'll probably just punch him in the face when I see him. Why? Cause I'm a dick.

FI: As a self-proclaimed nerd who do you think would win in a fight: Ninjas or Pirates?
SP: Well that is a complex issue. On the open seas I would say pirates because ninjas aren't exactly known for there seafaring ability. Anywhere else...Ninjas. Unless the ninja in question was Batman then he would be able to take on the pirates on the open seas. Cause he's mother fucking Batman.

FI: Speaking of comic books characters, let's talk about yours. Many readers are asking will MA and Muffin-Gal get together?
SP: Well most likely yes. That is what I intend to happen, however, the characters are all based off my friends so in the case that I start dating a girl who has some quality I can exploit for my own amusment and profit I will likely change the love interest of MA accordingly.

FI: Other fans have been asking whether the Punk Ninja will get his own series.
SP: To them I say, "Shut Up Devin!"

FI: I'm now going to ask you some questions from your readers. How did you meet the biggest influence and life long friend, all together great guy: Devin Misner?
SP: see above answer. Devin is a good guy though and a great friend. We actually met over Pokemon. I was playing some old school Red on my gameboy, cause let's face it everyone loved that shit when it came out, and Devin gave me a business card for his Pokemon fan website. You all laugh now, but I bet if I asked you what type of Pokemon Marowak was you'd know...and at least half of you knicknamed yours Boner. NERDS!

FI: Moving on, Sterling asks, "What director had the biggest influence on your film career choices...and none of this bullshit about how there are just too many brilliant directors asshole. Just give a straight answer."
SP: That question provides enough humour that I can give a serious answer here, if nothing else then for fear of painful repurcussions. The answer is definately Kevin Smith. Say what you will about the man I am a fan of everyone of his movies, each for there own reasons, and it was he who first made me realize and think about what goes on behind the camera. He is the reason I even considered going into film.

FI: Will asks, "As a giant corporation we like to abuse our employees. On an unrelated not if we required you to wear a purple mowhawk to work would you find our secretary attractive?"
SP: That all really depends on whether the secretary is a Wugalo aka Willing, Ugly, and Legal (see all the asshole things I say) or not. Also if the dye from the mowhawk could be a factor if it seeped into my brain and affected my judgement. Generally, though, I just don't hold with ugos (what an asshole!).

FI: Your former co-writer Ryan L. writes, "If your penis fell of yesterday, and today terrorists were threatening to cut off your balls, what would you do?"
SP: Well I generally considered the penis and the balls to be included in the same package so I'm going to go ahead and assume that they would have fallen off as well. Also I would assume that they [the penis] sort of just pinched off like a cell dividing because I didn't die from blood loss. So that said I would taunt the terrorist knowing that if they were making such threats they hadn't taken a peek under the ol' androgynous hood. I would then hope that they would be freak out at the sight of my barren genital area or they would think that I tucked 'em back like that crazy fuck from Silence of the Lambs and be even more freaked out.

FI: Another reader writes, "Why do the ladies love you, Stu?" (I'm serious, it was Ron. Ask him yourself, I'll give you his email if I have to)
SP: Well it probably has to due to the fact that I invested in a gene splicing company a few years back and had them put a gene in me that causes my pheramone glands to overproduce. I have to shower like 7 times a day or I stink like shit but the ladies love it.

FI: Brendan would like to know, "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?"
SP: First I would like to say BOOOORING...then I would like to answer. I see myself living in a huge Hollywood mansion married to some hot young actress spending most of my time drunk, surly, and snorting the finest china white of a hooker's back. For those of you not in the know... that was a joke. Or was it?

FI: Mr. Lewis also asks, "If a tree falls in the woods and kills a mime, does anyone care?"
SP: I don't know, but I do know that if a tree falls in the woods it will probably kill something. And that is AWESOME!

FI: Kim wonders, "What are your biggest strengths? Weaknesses?"
SP: What is this...a job interview? I have a hard time believing that anyone cares. Next question!

FI: Hans wrote in, "Would you ever consider returning to geology/paleontology as a career option?"
SP: I've said it before, but I'll say it again. The UofC natural science program literally killed my inner-child. They pulled it out, tied it behind a horse and dragged it around for a while, and then they shot it. Actually the professors were quite good but the way the program itself was tailored just turned me off sciences. I still love paleontology and would love to continue to pursue it as a hobby but not as a career. Film is where it is at for me and that is that. Good question though.

FI: Cathy's question for you was: "If you could date one celebrity who would it be?"
SP: Colin Farrel, he's just sooooo dreamy. Seriously though, Scarlett Johannsson, I have a silly schoolboy crush on her. I am also tempted to say Lindsay Lohan now that she is no longer a fucking stick person and has red hair again, but she smokes and making out with smokers is just an instant turn off. Unless it is Scarlett cause goddamn she is attractive.

FI: Our final reader question comes from Paula, she asks, "What would people be surprised to know about you?"
SP: I have a 14 inch penis, though I know some people who won't be surprised. OHHH SNAP!!!Seriously though, I once choked a baby giraffe to death while eating a 5-foot hogie, riding a Siberian Tiger, and making love to 7 supermodels all at once. I also kicked a gavial in the eye as I rode by because gavials are stupid. (Honestly I couldn't think of a real answer for this one, unless the ladies are readin this...then it's the penis thing)

FI: Okay so I've just got a few final questions of my own before I let you go. You are from Fernie, so do you ski or snowboard?
SP: I love how whenever this question is asked it is always whether I do one or the other and not whether I enjoy winter sports. It's like a pre-requisite to living in Fernie is that you must either ski or snowboard. That said, I snowboard and am somewhat of a geek about. I get giddy over Freshies or First Tracks as some of you may know them.

FI: So do you want to go smoke some weed after this?
SP: No! Jesus I hate how everyone assumes that because I am from Fernie and a snowboarder that I must automatically smoke weed. Just because there is a head shop right beside the biggest board shop in town and more than like 20 grow ops have been busted in the homes of seasonal residents who just so happen to be boarders doesn't mean a things...GOSH!

FI: Ok...Final Question. What's next for Stuart Popp?
SP: Well I've got a few more pages of Issue 6 of The Masked Avenger in the works and after that it is onto scripting Issue 7 with Ian. Also I'll be going into Film school so I'll be working on my "prententious asshole" voice to take the place of my "just a plain ol' asshole" voice. And also I should have three short movies out of post-production by the end of October 2006.

FI: Thanks for your time.
SP: It was a pleasure this time.

Weeeeell I think that turned out better than the last try. It was long and if you made it through the whole thing I commend you and your a real friend...not like those other assholes who gave up halfway. Also, there may be some unintentional Dane Cook references in there. I wasn't trying to rip off his jokes or anything, I've just been watching a lot of his stuff and thus similar ideas may have seeped in.

Interview Shminterview: Tyler Durden or Why I Shouldn't Write After Midnight

Shortly after typing the title of this post I learned that Tyler Durden was actually a figment of character played by Edward Norton's imagination. Distraught but also inspired by this shocking revelation, yet too lazy to change the title, I decided to talk to myself; see how I was doing; do an interview with me in the hot seat. The results can be found below.

Me: Hello
Stuart Popp: How's it going?

M: Hey I ask the questions here!
SP: (laughs) sorry...ask away?

M: Let's start things off with your comic The Masked Avenger. What brought about this strange and wonderful beast.
SP: Well, for the past three years I have had a roommate who liked to tip over things in my room and also steal things such as my watch. It was mildly to not very annoying but I decided to put a stop to it once he started leaving rhyming riddles which pertained to the whereabouts of the stolen items. I feared that this would be the start of a supervillainous career for him so I needed a superhero persona to end his reign of mild annoyance to society. I wrap a t-shirt around the lower half of my face, donned a blanket cape, and proceeded to confront him as The Masked Avenger because it was the most generic sounding superhero name I could think of. He repented by fashioning a ninja mask out of a t-shirt (instructions available somewhere on the interweb), calling himself the Punk Ninja, and offering to help find the stolen goods. Thus the Masked Avenger and his sidekick were born.

M: How did it make the leap from one improvised costume to full on comic mythology?
SP: Well, the idea proved humourous and became a bit of a running joke around the household. Shortly after the original appearance the first drawing of the duo came about as a result of another roommate and his drunken friends playing shitty music and thus evoking my artistic anger. The drawing washastily and poorly done and featured character design which would not be repeated. After this I began to use The Masked Avenger as my MSN screen name which prompted my friend and early co-writer Ryan Lee to act out a scenario of MA vs Random Arch Nemesis, later to become Garage-Man due to his screen name at the time "The Garage". I began drawing up character designs for the heroes and then one day a group of people in a UofC club who's club office, which had several comfortable couches, really annoyed me with their overbearing nerdiness. They had been given the nicknames "The Super-Friends" after the group of nerds from The Simpsons. I drew a picture depicting a comic book cover in which the Masked Avenger and Punk Ninja fought "The SuperFriends" which inspired my friends to suggest I should draw a comic to go with the cover. Some were even willing to pay. Blinded by money I drew 4 short issues and sold them for a dollar each. I made around 50 dollars which basically paid for my food that month. I also quickly ran out of people I hated and started basing villains on my friends. The comics have since become an underground cult sensation at UofC and SFU.

M: Is any of that true?
SP: All of it. I swear to whatever god actually exists.

M: Will issue #1 of your comic ever be released?
SP: I actually drew a 6-page origin story for MA as issue #1 about a year after issue #2 was released but destroyed it once I started to revamp the comics. The story that was held within those pages does remain canon however and sometime in the future I may redraw it as a full size comic.

M: What is in store for MA next?
SP: Well I have a new co-writer, Ian U. who will be helping me shake things up a bit and also help me to avoid the problems that came with writing a comic as I drew it which I tended to due and resulted in shorter comics because I got lazy. Rest assured however it will contain plenty of superhero satire, pop-culture references, and visual nods to Batman who is my favorite superhero.

M: Just How big of a nerd are you?
SP: a huge, HUGE nerd, but I am also a ninja nerd able to conceal my nerdiness for extended periods of time due to my boyish good looks, sideburns, and ability to talk about less nerdy things like sports and music. However, I also recognise that calling myself a "ninja nerd" doesn't make me seem like anything less than a complete loser.

M: Sports eh? How do you think the Canucks are looking this year?
SP: Fuck Hockey! Basketball is my sport? Ask me about March Madness and then we'll talk.

M:Okay tell me your thoughts on March Madness.
SP: I think it is in March and thus too early to tell anything. Chances are I will start off rooting for Gonzaga and then end up rooting for Duke once gonzaga loses early on. Also, I was only half kidding about the hockey remark. While not my favorite sport I have started to follow it since befriends some serious hockey nuts. As for the Canucks it looks like they will be able to hold on to most of their team post-negotiations so I think they have a good chance at taking the Cup this year.

M: Yawn...I thought you were going to be funny in this interview.
SP: Honestly so did I, only then I got off track and ended up conducting an almost serious interview with myself. My I should start asking more humourous questions.

M: I'll ask what I want to ask. Rumour on the internets is that you are a bit of an asshole. Is there any truth to this?
SP: well certain friends have reassured me that I am a nice guy, but they also call me pretty so I'm pretty sure they are full of shit. That said I think I am the only person I've met to outwardly claim that I am an asshole.

M: Why would these friends calling you pretty cause you to suspect they are lying? Didn't you previously state that you have boyish good looks?
SP: I prefer to consider my good looks to be ruggedly handsome-esque as opposed to pretty.

M: This interview isn't very funny is it?
SP: Not really, it is also getting boring to write so I think I am going to stop. I would also like to remind people that I am currently working night shift and thus while my drawing improves with a lack of sleep my writing does not. I might try to interview myself again at a later date...or maybe someone more interesting.

M: Okay well then, goodbye.
SP: Cheers

I apologize for the lack of funny. I got really off track after the first question then tried to reel things in and it got all convoluted like this metaphor. Also if I ruined Fight Club for you then you are an idiot. I mean seriously who doesn't know who Tyler Durden was by now. Also chances are I don't know you and thus I don't care.

Tune in next time for something better (I hope).

Childhood Paradigm Shifts A-Plenty

I spend a lot of time on the internets or the "interweb" if you will and I have noticed somewhat of a trend among many a blogger. Also this is just something I have noticed in general amongst people I know or people I read about/see on the telly. This thing is as follows: Everyone seems to have had some life changing/defining moment at a young age that has dramatically affected the way they live their life.

Now granted this may not seem so strange or even noteworthy to many of you. This is because a)you probably aren't reading this blog and thus have no knowledge of the strangeness or b)have had one of these "childhood paradigm shifts" (see how I relate things to the title) and thus assume everyone probably has...

Well I haven't. Do you want to know what significant events I remember from my early childhood? Do you? Alright, here goes:

-My younger cousin placing a pickle at the edge of the table, running around the house like a ferret on speed, returning to the table, taking a bite out of said pickle without using his hands, saying, "Crocodiles have big teeth," and repeating this until the pickle was gone. (he may have said the line before biting but the memory is a tad fuzzy, I was eight so sue me).
-I spent most of grade three a Chicago Bulls fan, like one of those fans that would paint there faces in the team colour, go to the stadium sans shirt, and threaten the opposing teams mascot with sodomy. Lucky for me the Bulls were doing well that season so it wasn't an unpopular choice.
-Finding out my grade 4 teacher left her job at the high school because, and I quote, "someone farted on her arm."
-Knowing more than my teacher on the subject of Dinosaurs in grade 2. I was a cocky little shit back then.
-Always playing the green Power Ranger when me and my friends played Power Rangers (I was a nerd even then). Then when I went away for two weeks on vacation and came back one kid was the White Ranger thus totally stealing my ranger (for those of you who were not total nerds the Green Ranger and the White Ranger were the same person).
-An irrational love of Garfield
-making a rediculously complex series of snow tunnels in my yard (like I am seriously talking a fucking labrynth) which I have not since been able to recreate.
-carving a picture of a boat into our family's mantle with a butcher's knife and catching a whole lot of shit for it.
-quiting beavers

That's it. If anyone can find anything there worhty of shifting my paradigm please let me know. Until next time: CROCODILES HAVE BIG TEETH! (it's true)

2 Year of Waiting...for this?

Hello,

I am a popular primetime soap opera featuring 25 year olds playing characters who are ten years younger and impossibly well off. I show these characters kissing and groping all the time in public places like a pair of rabbits in heat. Of course, while I never directly state it they have not had sex yet because it must be a gigantic event when they do despite the actual scene being nothing more than an allusion to them about to take their clothes off followed by a morning after scene. All without any real emotional buildup or impact.

Sincerely,

The OC

-Seriously what is it with TV shows that have teenagers remain abstinant for years. I sort of just assumed that Ryan and Marissa were doing it. Now all of a sudden the wait is over? Plus the OC just sucks it up lately. I am very dissapointed. I'm off to watch some HBO. Rome and Entourage will make things all better now.

SNAKES ON A PLANE

seriously Snakes on a Mutherfuckin' Plane!

Also, in related news this blog is one of the better written blogs I have seen plus it has snakes on a plane.

Snakes on a Plane!

Random Thought At 6 am

Does anyone else find themselves thinking "wasn't she on YTV?" whenever someone mentions PJ Harvey?

Or is it just me?

About Artists

My new favorite quote of the day is from Scary-Go-Round:

I think that struggling is something artists have to do. It offsets the guilt later, you know? When they sell a smashed pie label 'Death of a Party' for ten large."

That is all.