Walkin' On Down

Every once and a while I see something on the street that I feel is necessary to record. Sometimes it is enough to memorize it other times it is something that can only be explained by drawing it so others can see. dirty, out of shape people walking down the street in underwear, tight t-shirts and a bathrobe with a bandana bearing japanese symbols for instance. I love seeing these little sparks in the crowd and they bring about a touch of creativity in me. Here are two of people I have seen:

Corona Man

I saw him while I was riding the 4 bus from Kitsilano to Hastings. Somewhere around Granville and Georgia I saw him. He was striding down the street in torn jeans and a dirty t-shirt. His worn work boots were speckled with mud. He must not have shaved in months as his beard flapped behind his ears in the wind. He was easy to spot in the crowd because it was raining and all the busy city-folk had there black umbrellas unfurled creating a writhing stream of water-repellant material. It was not that he didn't have an umbrella nor was it that he was not as nicely dressed as the others because he did and there are enough underpriviledged types on Granville Street to make him blend in. It was in fact that he too had an umbrella, a bright, yellow, Corona sun umbrella from a bar table, that made him stand out. He was marching merrily down the sidewalk weaving in and out of the masses twirling the umbrella behind his head like a parasol seemingly oblivious to the rain that he could be keeping off of him instead. He made me think about what possessed him to steal the umbrella if he was not using it to keep dry and just how he had managed to make off with it in the light of day when such umbrellas come out to play. Questions that will likely remain unanswered I suppose...

The Bird Man

It wasn't so much that his appearance was anything special, he was simply your usual slightly-overweight, scruffy-bearded, homeless fellow. He did not appear to be the type who would offer me drugs as he walked passed but would probably end up asking for change for food and maybe wish me a seasonal greeting. No he was nothing out of the ordinary for The City and I would have taken only a passing notice if he had not done what he had done. He crossed the street as the lights began to turn green and yet he was definately not oblivious to the people waiting to drive onwards once he had passed. They did not honk but he mocked them anyways, flapping his arms as he walked slowly infront of the car. He passed me by and gave me his greeting as I had suspected and I continued on my merry longboarding way, but he would stick with me at least long enough to write it down.

The Hanger Dance Kid

The kid was dressed fairly nicely and it was obvious he was not destitute as he still sported glasses that he had no hawked for rent, food, or crack. He carried a thin take-out container that he continually shifted back and forth in his hands to circumvent the heat problem presented by the contents of the container. In one pocket of the hoody stuck out a bottle of Green Tea Snapple™. He juggled the container continuously while also periodically removing the bottle for a drink which required an elaborate dance with the other object in his hand a single empty jacket hanger. There was no indication of any use for the hanger other than the part that it played in the juggling dance of food items. It looked so out of place and yet he showed no signs of making this realization. He most certainly had thought that this was odd and I know because that kid was me two days ago.

Musings About Irrelevent Things #2

Number 1 being my treatise on my love for all floating gas stations.
I think that there are few better clothing induced feelings than that of a new hoody. New Hoody Feel™ is, I will dare to submit, even better than New Sock Feel™. NSF™ does come around more often, though that is not the determining factor in making the rarer NHF™ the more desirable of the two. Rarity has nothing to do with it. Soft and warm and awesome do infact have everything to do with it. In these areas New Hoody Feel™ is the clear winner plus it encompases more surface area of the body to ensure maximum awesomeness.

Homecoming: Good News and Bad News

Good News: I survived my flight back, not that I really had any worries about that. Thankfully this time I was not seated next to the ginormously fat guy as I have been pretty much everytime I fly between Vancouver and my hometown. This extra space facilitated my writing of a few scenes for a script which is always a good thing, especially when it relates to homework for writing class.

Bad News: I will not be doing as much snowboarding as I had hoped due to a) parents unable to afford a pass for me (political statement ahead: Fuck you Mr. Campbell) and b) the company running the hill seems to be comprised entirely of douchebags who in the holiday spirit have decided to hike the prices over christmas. Merry Xmas to you too Assholes! So now I get a day of boarding and must choose my day wisely for maximimum powderability.

Good News: Cherry Tarts are still awesome

Bad News: The Weather is all about the icey rain right now

Good News: It WILL be a white christmas

Bad News: This computer does not easily facilitate my watching of short films for research

Good News: Bars are a-hopping and I feel like having some brewskis avec my Fernie friends.

Summary: X-Mas scheduling will have to be re-evaluated to account for less snowboarding and possibly more drinking. As I imagine someone might say in this situation "Crunk Crunk It's time to get Drunk!"

Moustache Month Photojournal: Week 4 and Moustaches Galore!

WEEK 4: The Brotherhood of Evil Facial Hair Wow! Don't I look happy. No? that is because I am not. At this point I have seriously begun to hate my facial hair, but it was almost over so I was willing to tough it out. You may notice that the hair on one side of my face is thicker than the other. How lame is that...about as lame as the fact that this is 28 odd days of growth. I also found that the burns increased exponentially in this last week. I think it is because before Moustache Month I was nigh-unburnable at VFS and was constantly making burns on others, but with my face hair I was self-confidence-ly challenged and made less burns. People must have felt that their time to burn me was running out. It may also have had something to do with me looking like a greasy 15 year old.
I also apparently look like Garden State's Peter Saarsgard if I squint, half smile, wear a hat, and you are looking at me from a high angle.
The trend that is arising in these pictures is an overall displeasure at having facial hair and having pictures taken creating a record of the nasty facial hair. Steve and I had many a talk about how much better life would be if we got rid of the hair. Everything we discussed was proven true.
Dave hated it because he was unable to groom...but fuck him...at least he didn't look like a rapist. Stupid Dave...always coming out on top...
There is Casey with his week 1 facial hair (it seriously didn't grow any more since the first week). He is displeased as well. The general consensus was that it made him look more Cuban. discuss.
Kevin Smi...er...Mr. Fudge returns with more facial hair than two thirds of Snakes On A Plane combined. It still was not he favored facial hair arrangment and thus he too is unhappy.
Tim is 38. Tim wanted to have a beard on moustache day. Tim shaved because I said so. Tim is creepy.
Wes had a beard since like 3 days into Moustache Month. Did I mention I hate Wes.
Caset doing his best latino gang member impression. Not surprisingly it was convincing. Surprising things about Casey: He a) owns over 40 pairs of shoes b) wanted to join the Marines c) loves DDR and d) many many more things. Casey is weird, but he makes a badass gang member.
Here is me expertly demonstrating what every white guy ever looks like when he tries to be a "gangsta" of any sort. If any of you are looking at this and are thinking "bitch please! I don't look like that! You a foo for sho though!" then you are an idiot.

WEEK 4: Last Day Of Facial Hair Dang! Look how happy Steve, Casey, and I are to be able to shave that evening. Well...shave everything but the moustache anyways. Regardless it was the first major step towards cleanshaven-ness again and we were happy.
Here are all the major players of Moustache Month minus Chris, who tends to disappear unannounced, at the end of our last class of the final day of being moustachioed. Look at those smiles. Hope has been restored in the form of being allowed to shave.
And Lo I Did Shave! And It Was GOOD! and I took a picture of my hair on the razor. Can I get an eee-eew-www

WEEK 4: Moustache Day is HERE! Casey and I were Miami gangsters. I was significantly less badass than Casey, who looked like a cast member from Scarface and even more Cuban than before.
Steve kind of looked like he should be the old guy running a record store. He still has the soul patch but recognizes that he should shave it off because it lame. Or at least he says he does. I think he secretly covets the soul patch. Alternate looks like options are french beatnik poets, but although he can speak French he has no beret. A shame really. Steve shaved at midnight of this day and sent the unholey moustache back to hell, I did likewise.
I could say "Fuck Dave" again, but his supertrooper appearance makes me feel as though my embarassment by comparison was all worth it. The guy on the right is Phil. He joined in about a week and a half before the end of Moustache Month and destroyed me in the non-competition.
This is quite possibly the most badass photogramaphone of Mr. W. B. Fudge in existance. Hans voted him worst moustache but I disagree, it is quite obviously badass. Hired Gunman Badass!
Magnum P.I. made an appearance in the form of Wes. Sort of not pictured is his massive chest hair. Wes too redeemed himself for being totally wicknar in his facial hair use on this day. I don't hate Wes. Wes is too cool for school.
In the end the rumblings of Chris not shaving were untrue. He looks like a science teacher...poor Chris...give him his loud sweater and send him on his way.

And FINALLY, WHAT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR...

Up close and personal with my ronnie (that's british/irish slang for shitty moustache that is barely even there). It would probably look more substancial if my hair was darker but that isn't saying much. I look like 2 parts my dad, 3 parts wannabe rocker from every 70s movie ever, and 1 part 15 year old nerd. I sent the moustache back to the vile depths (of my drainage system) from whence it came at precisely 2 minutes after midnight. I pulled "I live here" rank to cut in line to the bathroom and then I hooked Mr. Fudge up with a cut in the line 'cause that is how I roll...bitches!

Moustache Month Photojournal: Weeks 2 and 3: The Itchening

WEEK 2: Rising Action (...a little inside I know) Still a handsome devil only with more of a hasn't-shaved, leather jacket, bad boy kind of look. There is a tiny bit of shadow there which is actually quite pathetic considering it has been a week growth. This however did prolong the negative lady-repelling effects of Moustache Month, so there. I did however have to put up with people constantly asking if I had shaved every morning. This resulted in much frustrated arm flailing.
Steve had equal trouble growing but seeing as how he had darker hair his lack of growth was much less accentuated. He did however bitch a lot more than I ever did about how itchy it was at this point.
Mr. McClurken here was off to a good start and had some respectable, manly stubble. So far it looks like he is in the lead seeing as how Dave's picture has dissapeared into the ether.
Mr. Fudge had some respectable chin hair but nothing along the side. No 'chops for him.
This is Tim. Tim did not have a week 1 photo, but he does have a better five o'clock shadow than I do. This is because Tim is 38... (In the background is my cinematography professor (who refused to participate on the grounds of being murdered by his wife).
Hey, It's Chris who happens to be Mr. Fudge's roommate. Chris liked his stubble a little too much and felt it would help him with the ladies. There were rumblings at this point that he might not shave it as according to the rules of moustache month...bastard.

WEEK 3: The Horror, The Horror
Look Ma I have stubble...shitty useless stubble. This picture is in a bowling alley because we went bowling for Steve's day of birth. We left approxiamately five minutes before we would have been kicked out for our reckless bowling methods. This facial hair prompted Ian to say that I should never be allowed to grow a beard again. I agree. This picture is taken about 5 hours before the precise moment I lost all self esteem due to facial hair. It also marks the point in this timeline where I began to have to fight the urge to shave every morning.
Once again, same bad facial hair only in a darker model. Steve spent at least one morning standing in the bathroom holding his shaver and cream in front of the mirror in the grip of a battle of the wills. The outcome: he did have enough willpower to not shave. That's how Snake On A Plane rolls. Dramatic, bitch!
Fuck Dave! Fuck him and his full facial hair!
The facial hair Casey had at the beginning of week 2 seemed to have gone into a strange sort of stasis around the midway mark. His early performance however kept him from ridicule. I was not so lucky.
No Mr. Fudge this week but we do have the Abbot to his Costello, Chris, again. Chris was still giving a fairly strong performance and there were still some rumblings about not shaving. At least there were until I confronted and quashed such notions. I do these things because I am a hero and Alpha and Omega of Snakes On A Plane...biotch!

Moustache Month Photojournal: Shaving and Week 1

Remember when I said that I would provide weekly updates for the terror that was moustache month? Yeah well I lied. Remember when I said that before and then promised an end of moustache month update? I lied then too. But now, just over a week later, I have come through. I present to you the carefully structured, wittily commentary'd, Marvelous Moustache Month Photojournal...in three parts...because I like to make people wait. LET PART ONE BEGIN!!!

WEEK 1: The Shavening Here are our heroes pre-shaving, though it is only noticable on Dave (a trend that would continue). From left we have Me (aka Alpha and Omega), Steve (aka Dynamite Jones), Casey (aka The Crazy Cuban), and Dave (aka The One Who Can Actually Grow Facial Hair).
If you ever wondered what the super-exclusive secret society of Snakes On A Plane looks like here is the best possible example I could find. Look how organized we are all lined up like that for maximum picturability. As a sidenot Dave isn't actually taller than me but anticipating the pattern of the picture allowed me to duck. That's the kind of quality that gets one declared leader of Snakes On A Plane, which is by the way a totally sweet position.

WEEK 1: The Handsome Years
Look at how smartly dressed this young fellow is, nine out of ten british gentlemen agree he is quite smartly dressed and would be perfect to court their daughters. This manner of handsomness will be gone by week 2 so ladies get your looks in now.
Look how happy everyone is, filled with the hopes of wicknar and badass moustachios to come. These boys truly are filled with hopes...
and smarts. Look at Dave and his looks to the future. Only he truly knows what is to come.Such youth is abound in our resident minor.

My contemporary Mr. Woodrow B. Fudge can barely contain the laughter.

NEXT: The Day The Laughter Died

December Beach Party!!!

Everyone get their best beach/swim gear cause we are going partying!! At The BEACH!!!* board shorts, Burt Reynolds shorts, old timey swim trunks, swim suits, tank top, t-shirts, bikinis are all welcome. Girls in bikinis are encouraged. Guys in speedos...well...read the poster.

*Beach will be played by a kiddy pool and some sand at Hans and Stu's house.

EDIT: The keg will now be 10 dollars a piece as we are getting a 50 litre one

The Snakes On A Plane Application Form Is Here!!

Your eyes do not decieve you folks! That most excellent and mysterious of mysterious secret organizations Snakes On A Plane is opening up its doors to applicants. Simply by filling out this application form you are potentially entering the world of secrets previously known by four special individuals: Stuart, Steve, Dave, and Jesus. Those with the highest scores may even learn some things we know that Jesus does not. We are that awesome.

So get out your pencil and get to the writing. You could be the next Snake on a Plane.

-Disclaimer-

Filling out this form does not ensure entry. It does ensure that your answers will be scrutinized and ridiculed by Snakes On A Plane members and their close friends...and maybe Jesus. By filling it out and sending it back to me you are giving me the right to make fun of you, so just remember that and don't sue me.

The Snakes On A Plane logo is courtesy of Mr. Jeffrey Rowland (www.wigu.com)

Dr. McNinja is courtesy of Dr. McNinja (www.drmcninja.com)

Moustache Month: One Week Left Update!

We, the poorly bearded boys of VFS, have braved our way through 23 of the required 30 days of Moustache Month with only a few casualties. We lost the resident foreign/Austrian guy, Max, to no apparent reason and our Cine TA Jason to demands from his "girlfriend". The rest of us however are fighting on against the trials of itchy faces and unimpressed pretty ladies.

Some of the participants have grown respectable facial hair (some have full beards) and are already expressing that they are loathe to part with it for reasons of either their girlfriend likes it (take that Jason!) or they think it makes them look "cool" or something like that.

Others spend at least ten minutes every morning staring themselves down in the bathroom mirror, gripping their razors and cream tightly as the cold ceramic of the floor saps the heat from our toes, fighting the burning desire to end it all and shave off the ratty uneven mess that marrs their once clean features.

I, myself, have never come so far as to fight a battle of the wills over my bathroom sink but I am by no means proud of the sparse facial hair that litters my face. In fact, the only thing that has saved me from such an early morning war is my competitive spirit. I, in fact, am the worst off of those still holding to the pact. Not only is my beard patchy and slow growing but I am also the fairest haired of the bunch rendering what hair that does grow nearly invisible from any kind of distance. Everyday I am subjected to questioning from my peers as to whether or not I have shaved the previous night, yet I still itch as bad as the rest. Girls still avert from my gaze. I could deal with these things if I was in fact gaining a "wick-nar and totally badass" moustache at the end of the month, but all signs point to grade 9 puberty nerd-stache. I will attempt to offset this by wearing AVs (aviators for those of you playing at home) all day and throwing a supremely badass December Beach Party in the evening. If you are reading this and have the means to contact me for directions that means you are invited.

Where are the pictures you ask? Well seeing as how the promised(?) weekly pictures did not happen but were taken I will post them all at the end of Moustache Month thus given you the full embarassing experience. I will also post a photo journal of the party so you can all relive my drunken foolish escapades.