Gas-O-Line

I think I have an undue fascination with floating gas stations. I don't know why...there's just something about them. huh.

Some Arts III: Son of the Arts

I've been doing some drawing lately in my free time, which has been surprisingly sparse. This has resulted in drawings which are high in quality but low in quantity. Some of you anonymous internet critics out there may be shouting to the high heavens about how you disagree with my quality content (or not because I doubt you read this) but I could care less about whether or not you think I "suxx0rz", in fact this entire sentence was entirely so that I would have a larger pre-drawing paragraph. Now on to the art:

I experimented with a new method of doing the speech bubbles and I like the results (though in the future using a ruler to help with lines will be a good idea, I think). Astute people might notice a cameo from the Punk Ninja (All for you Devin, all for you) and the Snakes On A Plane I am so obsessed with. You may also notice the change in font. I found the new font over at a real comic artist's page.Hey, Look it's Jacqui! Or at least it is Screech, the tone-aly challenged supervillain, who is based on Jacqui. The rest of the SFU girls supervillain characters can be seen in similar drawings over at The Masked Avenger-verse (linked on the side).

Urban Assault Ultimate Frisbee Cross

I present to you an idea conceived after several beers and the use of recreational pharmaseuticals by certain parties: Urban Assault Ultimate Frisbee Cross.

The rules are fairly simple, or at least they are simpler than that Sodoku game that is sweeping the nation of Britain. What you need are at least two teams of two people (though more teams = more fun) and enough frisbees for a 1:1 ratio of teams to frisbees. The game takes place in the downtown area of the city late at night or early in the morning when there is less chance of people getting hit by traffic. The teams will start at a pre-determined location and they must race to another pre-determined destination. They must pass the frisbee back in forth, but much like Ultimate Frisbee the person who is in the possession of the frisbee can't move. As in most races whichever team catches their frisbee across the finish line wins, but how they get there is up to them.

Dirty play such as pushing members of opposing teams into various obstacles (though pushing someone into moving traffic is discouraged it is not illegal in the sense of disqualifying your team, the police may feel differently however) or stealing an opposing team's frisbee and throwing it onto the open door of a bus so that it seriously hampers the forward movement of said team is not only allowed but encouraged. Style points for the most creative way of fucking with the other teams may even be awarded, sort of like how being the best climber won't win you the Tour de France but it will get you a fancy red polka dot jersey.

Possible additional and optional rules have been suggested:
-All frisbees would be matte-black and painted with invisble phosphorescent paint and the teams would wear night vision googles so that only they could see the frisbees. In this variation wearing urban assault gear is a must.
-Course extended to include North Van and thus likely requiring teams to cross the Lion's Gate Bridge upping the frisbee loss danger.
-The inclusion of smaller, harder attack frisbees (putting or chipping frisbees from frisbee golf would be ideal) for use in crippling opposing teams or knocking enemy frisbees out of the sky.

And there you have it. The greatest sport since African Outdoor Tire Cricket where the best (or at least dirtiest) team wins.

Fernie Photo Tour Part 2: Why Snow Days Are Bad

Contained within this post is evidence of the debauchery Fernie is fraught with as well as pictures of natural disaster aftermath. We are like a mini-New Orleans without people getting raped in the superdome(ooh sort of topical). Anywho enough of my blabbering and on to the pretty pictures. Photo-tourgasm begin! This shot depresses me a little because it is the Ski Hill lacking in snow. For those of you thinking "Wow, that is a pretty shitty Ski Hill!" I would like to note that all you can see in this shot is the run known as the Mighty Moose which is Fernie's "bunny hill." Not pictured is everything awesome about the Hill. Anyways this was raken from the parking lot of the hotel where I worked night shift for way to many nights. Every day I saw this and wished for snow. Then snow came. Twice. Once in June and then again in early September. This made the longest period without snow this year in Fernie 3 months and 2 days. This picture was taken in the morning before it proceed to become a shit storm. See normally when it snows in Fernie it is cold resulting in light, fluffy, champagne powder, but it was warm and wet in the summer resulting in heavy, clingy sleet. This proceeded to cling to trees causing their branches to freeze and... ...snap off. This tree wins the award for most fucked as it pretty much snapped in half. I stood outside my house and listened to the snap crackle pop of my powerlines getting destroyed. There was about a snap every 5-7 seconds for several hours. It was eerily cool. I ended up having to knock snow off my family's trees with a broom stick to save them (the trees not my family). Also reading by candlelight hurts my eyes. This is why I will never be one of those people that spends large amounts of time grooming their hedges. Nature hates those people. Also as you can tell the snow didn't last very long. Why? Because it was summer...moron.But it did last long enough for the local avant-garde artist's kids to make snowmen. Not show is a poorly built snowfort that looks like a really tall snowman fell over.

That's it for wreckage pictures. Now it is on to the debauchery portion of the show, and by debauchery I mean mild partying and community events. Welcome to the Taste Of Fernie, an event where all 7 of the restaurants in Fernie get together to show off samples of items on there menu. It is like a giant grocery store free sample booth except you have to pay to get in and then you have to pay to get the samples. Also some bands played some songs. Highlights of this were the 12 year olds playing generic shitty punk and who also apparently didn't grasp that an event where people can bring there 5 year olds is probably not an event where you should scream "fuck shit cunt" into a microphone. At least not at age 12 when you are playing music I don't approve of...when you hit twenty it is totally badass and cool to swear at kids, I do it all the time. The band in the picture is Big Bubba and Cottontop (the drummer doesn't have a nickname). They are a pretty cool folkish rock band that sings about things like vampire clowns and features my high school Biology teacher Mr. Tomney (Cottontop). This was shot from the beer tent.And this is the beer tent as seen from behinf the stage. mmm beer. This is the inside of the food tent. Notable restaurants include The Curry Bowl (voted best date restaurant by Snowboarder Magazine), Sawai Thai (awesome Satay Chicken), and The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. The latter is notable simply because... ...My friend Chantel works there. She wasn't too excited about being photographed in uniform and will likely be unhappy about being shown and talked about on this site. So moving on to... ...Other people I know. Three of the four people pictured here are Teacher's Kids (we're like a club who's only perks are getting to go in the teacher's lunch line at the cafeteria and getting ridiculed by the student body...). The fourth is a teacher's wife. Specifically a teacher-who-is-a-member-of-a-previously-mentioned-band's wife. From left we have Jesse (who I was in some plays with), Steph (more later), and Chrissy (Steph's sister, known her since I was 3). Here is a shot from the inside of the DJ's booth at the Fernie Hotel (mentioned in the previous post). My friend DJ'd here and hated it because people made him play shitty old rock and country songs. I generally only stopped by to keep him sane because I hated that bar. The hooded figure is Lee (probably stoned), Fernie's local paintball fiend. Also pictured are "cougars" and a local stagette party.This leads us to my favorite Looks Like A Hick Hangout But Is Filled With Nothing But Snowboarders Bar: The Royal. I was here almost every Thursday for jam night. Also I really wish I had stolen that red PeeWee Herman bike. That or the elk head. Usually that involved hanging out with the big, goofy-looking fucker shown here. His name is Will I've known him ever since we were in the same little league team in elementary school (to answer your questions: I was a pitcher. I was okay, but had a habit of beaning specific people. We lost a lot.). Will is originally from the coast and will eventually be moving back. The girl in these pictures is Trista. I didn't mention her in the previous paragraph because there are like three pictures of her which I need material to write captions for and I don't know much about her other than we hung out like 2-3 times at the bar, her dad owns a local pizza place, and she's pretty hot. She also apparently likes to blow on random guys bums. For those of you who might be wondering: No, quantity of photosis not necessarily indicative of anything other than that Trista liked to vamp for the camera (is that an actual expresson? or am I an idiot?). Anyways I have no idea who the guy in the picture is so lets move on to people I do know. Hey, It's Elliot! Not only does this guy play a mean guitar he was also my connection at Frozen Ocean when it was still up and running. Also strangely enough every year when I went in to buy new shoes he had always just bought a package of socks for himself and would give me a pair. Coincidence? Yes, but an eerie one considering it happened like 4 years in a row.

-EDIT-Picture removed on pain of slow, excrutiatingly painful death-EDIT-

Ah, Family. I am probably courting death by posting this crappy, taken-when-she-wasn't-looking-and-had-her-eyes-closed picture of my sister, but whatever...I live on the edge, baby! I said I would talk more about Steph and so here we go! This is Steph, daughter of Cottontop of Big Bubba and Cottontop, who I have been friends with since I was 2 (confirmed by memories of a house she lived in until the tender age of 1.5 years old (at which point I was 2)). Needless to say she the person who I hung out the 3rd most with. She is also the same Steph who rents the smallest house in Fernie. She also is likely going to be moving to the coast in a year...maybe.And to wrap things up I present Kelly (or Kelli, I didn't ask), the cute Aussie who stole my heart (but not really) by wearing a Spider-Man costume to the bar. It was for her workplace's "S" party (other costumes included Sid Vicious, SpongeBob, and a guy named Steve who went as himself). She works at the Same Sun Lodge, one of the many Hostels in Fernie (I recently discovered that there is one on Granville too).

To conclude, this is what Fernie is really all about: Snow, Cute Snowboarders (of Canadian or Aussie descent), and drinking. Screw the picturesque mountainscapes, let's get drunk!

Come With Me...

...as I take you on a magical journey through the City Of Fernie. Before we get to the pictures I would like to share some fun historical facts about the City of My Birth:
-Fernie is named for William Fernie, a right asshole who stole a Kutenxai princess and ran away chased by her father. He settled in the Elk Valley and established Fernie because there was coal here.
-The chieftan then proceeded to put a curse on the town which proceeded to burn down twice in the early 1900s and have a flood so bad than houses actually floated down the river.
-sometime after WW2 the mayor and a different chieftan smoked a piece pipe and started Fernie's long marriage with weed culture. oh...they also lifted the curse.
-only one major flood has happened since and it was a bit of a wuss.

On To The Pictures! Unlike Cam's home-city phototour this one will lack any works of art because Fernie is small and filled with people who "don't like no artsy crap" but there will be mountains because Fernie is surrounded by them. This one ties into the fun historical facts because the shadow on this mountain is the "ghost rider" and is supposed to depict William fernie on his horse followed by the princess and chased by her father. Also pictured are, in geographical relation to the camera, the Fernie Hotel (or where you can find half of my graduating class drinking themselves into oblivion), The Overwaitea where I earned the title Least Productive Service Clerk, and my old old High School.

This is Castle Mountain as viewed from my front yard. Hidden by the tree is a set of radio towers on the mountain that I was covinced at age 5 was the castle for which Castle Mountain was named. Turns out it was just cause of some stupid cliff.Continuing the history lesson apparently the chieftan was mad at his daughter and her two sister tried to help her hide. They failed and the chieftan turned them into a mountain. Or a god turned them into a mountain to protect them. I forget. Either way there is a mountain called the Three Sisters one mountain over from the Ghost Rider. Finally we have Fernie Mountain or Mt. Fernie...see how well I know the town I grew up in. Anyways on the left side of the mountain you might be able to make out a clearing which I am personally convinced looks like a duck wearing a) aviator goggles b) a leather flight cap and c) a scarf. Will agrees with me so I think that proves I'm not crazy.This picture is a seguay to the building portion of the tour. This is a shot of historic downtown Fernie and in the background is the Lizard Range, better known as The Ski Hill. What you can't see is that half these storefronts are empty or closed because the Ski Hill has no snow on it yet and thus the various hippy and head shops aren't selling too much product right now. Well...okay...the head shops are doing okay. And so is the vacuum store (I don't get it either).Speaking of empty stores. Frozen Ocean was once my favorite board shop in town, and not just because they (the owners/employees) knew me and thus gave me 30% off everything. This is a picture from last winter because the store is now empty. Apparently, the guy who ran it was doing the finances for his unrelated juice shop through FO and the owner didn't like that too much so he came in the dark of...evening and took everything. I happened to see this happen actually. Sadly I will no longer recieve cheap skate shoes. However there is an FO on Granville Island so all is not lost. I call this one "And I wonder why people have such a hard time believing I am a snowboarder from Fernie and I don't smoke pot" for fairly obvious reasons. Continuing the board shop theme is the Edge of the World hearse which screams, "I can desecrate the dead and catch some freshies all in one go!" I personally think this is a genius way of transporting snowboards which always have a nasty habit of being too big to fit in your car. It also makes you look like a complete badass. It also has a monty python quote painted on the back window. A dollar for whoever guesses the right quote. ...and back on the head shop theme. This is a Mexican import store. Despite all odds it has managed to stay open in an area where better stores have failed. My conclusion: drug front. Poorly disguised too as shown by the statue of a smoking guy outside the store.I'm not entirely sure why there was ever a grain elevator in the middle of the Rockies but apparently there was and now it is an overpriced restaurant where the financially elite assholes can get a 30 dollar steak that, honestly, tastes no better than something I can get for 9.50 at Whitespot.This is one of the better restaurants in town. One where I caused a waitress distress by suggesting I would simply climb out the bathroom window rather then pay the bill. It is home to the Hungry Harold, a 1.5 foot wide platter of poutine (real poutine with cheese curds) topped with vegetables and two cajun chicken breasts. For those playing the home game that is a shit-tonne of food. Also those flower baskets are actually chairs from one of the ski lifts.This is my old high school. At least it was until it was deemed unsafe due to it's backwardsly installed ventilation fan and a structure that was so old it could no longer take the snow load an buckled every winter so much that doors could not be opened or closed without the use of excessive force. So a new high school was built......out of tin cans by some guy from Whistler. It was a vast improvement on the old school because whereas the old school only threatened to collapse under Fernie's snowload the new school actually did...twice. Conclusion: people from Whistler know fuck all about snow.Outside the new school is the closest thing we have to a statue...a giant rock. Many a drunken attempt to climb onto this has been made, not by me because I am not an idiot (I only climb on it sober...I swear). Also people like to ride bikes off the top of this usually resulting in injury. This is the house where a bulk of The Off-Season was shot. It is also the home of the girl whom I have dubbed "She Who Ruins Movies". There is a couch in the middle of the back lawn which is infested with maggots and also which I made my actors sit on. When I took this picture it was titled Smallest House In Fernie because...well...look at it, it's tiny. But I am convinced my friend Steph (whom you will meet on the people/events/bars installment of the tour) recently began renting something even smaller. The entire lawn of this house used to be a rock garden that was supposed to represent the sea floor. Nobody thought it was cool...because it wasn't. This shot may seem to have no real significance and it doesn't. I took it because a) mushroom shaped trees b) it's a good shot of the Three Sisters and c) That house is the most Italian house in Fernie (You can only see one Italian flag painted on it here but there are at least four that I can think of). I walked by these houses anytime I needed to go uptown. That included walking to and from school. In my 18 some odd years of living in Fernie I never ever saw these garage doors open. As a kid I thought the house that lay behind that gate was abandoned and haunted. Then on the day before I was to leave Fernie this summer I was walking uptown and lo and behold: Doors Open. This is what is behind my house. Well behind the dyke that is behind my backyard. To either side of this shot is trees meaning I literally have a forest out my backyard, complete with cougars, mooses, and bears...oh my! Also pictures is my chocolate lab Teva. She is not the smartest dog when it comes to finding something you are pointing directly at but she can understand commands in French (seriously). This is the creek that runs into the river that runs behind my house. I have to cross it (via bridge) anytime I want to leave my neighbourhood and go uptown. It is also the site of many a childhood fishing/swimming expedition. In 1995 it overflowed and ran down my street (nobody anticipated that the levees would break) hence the reinforced by stainless steel dykes. It is also the site of this: I have dubbed this Beetle-Jesus and it is quite frankly one of my favorite things in all of Fernie. I don't know who did it but they are obviously more artistic than the people that write the usual Grad '02 graffiti around town. They are also incidentally my hero.

I'm going to end things there for this installment. Join me tomorrow for my snow damage/events/bar tour of Fernie.