An Uplifting and Positive Message

New Blogulations

2009-10-26T03:41:00.004-06:00

Hey kids and kats!

First off I want to apologize for typing "kats."

You just going to have to learn to live with it I am afraid.

Secondly, I have some new blogulations up at http://stuscmnsblog.blogspot.com/ which is a blog I am doing for my Mass Communications class. Hopefully you find it interesting, but more hopefully I hope you find it doesn't sound too much like Chuck Klosterman (who I have been reading a lot of lately).

Cheers,

Your friendly, neighbourhood Spider-Stu

My TED Talk

2009-08-17T21:25:00.003-06:00

TED is a series of talks given each year by luminaries of various field of study. From Theoretical Physics to Environmental Science to the Entertainment Industry (one of my personal favourites being J.J. Abrams discussion of the "Mystery Box"). TED is held in California but they have begun a new initiative in which a series of talks will be held in cities across the globe, with talks given by the locals (or anyone with an interest really, it is the internet after all).

My point is this: TED is coming to Vancouver. I live in Vancouver. I want to give a TED talk.

Now, I'm clearly not a luminary in my field. Some days I'm not even particularly sure what my field is and I'm fairly certain that nobody is going to be interested in hearing the director responsible for Sick. and Boomer and the Beav speak about the fine art of filmmaking. However, all that isn't really important because what I am (or at least what I labour under the delusion that I am) is funny and any series of talks needs to open with a bit of comedy. It lightens the mood and relaxes people before they are mind-blasted by the awesome discussions of matters political and scientific. I know for a fact that TED agrees with me, because there is no way zeFranks talk was secretly about the Higgs-Boson and elementary particle physics.

So I want to be that guy. The one who spends 10 minutes talking about something only vaguely related to a real TED talk to warm everyone up. I want to be that guy and I want to be him in Vancouver at TEDxVancouver.

My topic?

Velociraptor Safety Awareness.

I'll see you at TED.

Prepare your mindscapes!

Adventures of a Part-Time Rogue: Rangers and Elves and Dragons oh my

2009-08-01T23:27:00.001-06:00

Let's talk class.

In the Pen and Paper world it is common that various character archetypes are distilled down into classes. There do exist classless systems though we won't discuss them here because a) I've played these games maybe once or twice and b) It would distract from talking about todays subject. These classes in Dungeons and Dragons take the form of recognizable fantasy character types: The Fighter, The Wizard, The Rogue, The Barbarian, etc. Like a lot of D&D and other fantasy they also owe a lot to Tolkien's Lord of the Rings series.

And speaking of Tolkien, let's get into my favourite class. The Ranger.

Ranger's are your wandering woodsman type. Usually seen firing a volley of arrows at the enemy before whipping out a double weapon combo on anyone stupid enough to get close. Think Aragorn or Legolas if you need a Tolkien allegory. Robin Hood is another good example. At later levels you get a badass wolf (or animal of your choice) to accompany you and a few spells to help you out along the way.

My first RPG character ever was an Elven Ranger, and to this day Rangers are my go-to class. I've come to favour Humans over Elves but nothing can beat the range-y goodness of taking out enemies from afar and confounding your allies by never getting hurt (It wasn't that my Rangers weren't brave but they knew the tactical advantages of climbing and hiding in trees at the start of a fight before raining arrow-y death upon the enemy).

I eventually perfected the Forest Sniper Ranger build and went on to test my creative boundaries by creating unique and interesting Ranger characters. Particular favourites of mine were the blind, Celtic Ranger who picked his shots by the sound of an enemies footfalls and the street urchin who fought with two knives and the help of his loyal half-wolf, half-dog animal companion.

And while all this experimentation continues, most recently with a half-elf, apple-eating samurai ranger, it all led me to discover (rather late in my D&D career), my second favourite class: The Rogue. More on these sneaky masters of stealing-from-other-party-members in the next Adventures of a Part-Time Rogue.

Lindsay Lohan Involved in a Pregnancy Scandal... In a Movie.

2009-07-29T20:16:00.031-06:00

1:37 Pregnant lady... couldn't possibly be foreshadowing right guys?

1:42 Wow Lindsay looks super-pissed about giving up her seat on the bus to the pregnant lady... smooth moves Lohan.

3:00 I was about to make a "this movie has a token Asian" joke but then it turned out he was Lindsay boyfriend, way to make me feel like an asshole, Movie...you win this round.

4:00 SNL alums... that means the movie will be good right?

4:30 Nevermind recurring poop joke, oh and Lindsay is bad at her job, surprise!

8:00 And all the problems Lindsay will have to fix are laid out in one convenient business meeting

8:30 Dog vomit!

10:28 PLOT! She's (not actually) pregnant to save her job.

11:25 Pregnancies make you unfire-able. It's like being in a union...

12:15 who is this old man who keeps showing up?

13:22 She got the idea from Law & Order, guys

16:31 The nerdy antagonist suspects that the very skinny Lindsay is not, in fact, 4 months pregnant.

17:13 Something terrible is going to happen to that dog, it is like the go to gag for bad comedy writing since Anchorman.

18:49 CALLED IT! Eccentric writer guy just died on the dog. However will Lindsay solve this problem? Will it be at the end of the movie after she has been shamed for faking a pregnancy? Let's find out.

21:00 Yes, because people won't get suspicious if you go from Anorexic to giant preggers belly overnight.

23:01 And the bus joke comes full circle.

25:47 aaaand now we're exploiting the fake pregnancy for capitalism

29:45 The lies they are a-growing. She'll solve her problems by drinking aparently. The true Lindsay Lohan Method.

36:34 You mean the bumbling, attractive, white executive is going to be the love interest and displace the Nice-but-kind-of-immature Asian Guy? Hollywood... I wish I was surprised...

38:00 Fake orgasm joke! HILARIOUS! #sarcasm

39:00 Blandy McBland wants to be a writer? I bet Lohan inspires him to do it, except that would be a cliche...

40:00 And she wanted to be a musician, I see a musical number in this movies future.

43:10 New character lady has Sarah Jessica Parker face...

44:38 Exit Ex-boyfriend stage left

48:13 Nerdy antagonist is now on her side apparently, and there is a really awkward executive named Karl now.

51:42 Pregnancy belly THEFT! because nobody in the store will notice you growing several inches in the change room.

56:50 and now apparently Lindsay has gone crazy and believes she actually is pregnant.

1:09:46 I got bored there for a moment and played some Tetris on my phone. To recap Lindsay's sister went baby-psycho on her and tore up her belly. She replaced it with a balloon. There is no way that could go poorly... right guys?

1:10:13 Pop!

1:11:10 Blandy McBland isn't taking it well, how will LiLo fix this one, and what part will TV Personality Janean Garofallo play in the solution

1:12:40 "The Vista" instead of "The View"? clever movie...

1:14:27 The younger sister who wanted to be a cook but Lindsay wouldn't let be a cook is actually a good cook? shocker. I bet this talent helps solve all her problems.

1:15:48 Ah it ties in directly to the Garofallo conundrum

1:18:00 Pregnant Lady who is in labour is apparently going to be on the Gorafallo show. Oh, no, wait "Clever heartwarming solution" is in effect.

1:23:45 Two Years Later... I bet she's pregnant wouldn't that be hilarious? I should write movies.

1:28:00 Lindsay Lohan apparently needed a stunt double for this movie in which the most strenuous thing she did was slide into home in a softball game...Stay Classy Hollywood

1:29:08 The End. True to it's title this movie was in fact the cinematic equivalent of Labour Pains, I felt like I was peeing out a bowling ball for the last hour and a half...

In the words of a better man than I, "Goldblum ouuuutttttt..."

Guys, I have important news...

2009-07-29T19:59:00.003-06:00

Lindsay Lohan + Pregnancy = Hilarity in crisp straight-to Blue Ray HD quality. Am I Right? Guys? Guys? I just wait here in the awkward silence until you answer...

So it seems the Lindsay Lohan Wheel of Terrible-ness has a new spoke. Am I going to watch it and attempt a live-blog along with it?

Survey Says....YES.

(I promise not to enjoy it.)

Interesting People I saw at the Bus Stop the night of the Folk Festival (Apparently)

2009-07-21T20:30:00.003-06:00

-A be-dreaded, dutch girl who magically produced a didgeridoo from under her shawl for an impromptu performance.

-Her posse of slightly inebriated weekend hippies, with their tie-die and their hemp bracelets and neatly coiffed hair.

-A stout little man wearing cargo shorts and a tank top carrying a wizard's staff (complete with a magical crystal). I can only assume he was an actual Wizard and that those were his casual weekend clothes.

-An Gypsy chieftain complete with fanciful outfit and creepy dead eye (for looking badass while cursing me).

Adventures of a Part-Time Rogue: The Beginnening

2009-07-11T16:42:00.006-06:00

I have a confession to make (though since I'm pretty sure only my friends read this, it won't be a particularly astonishing one): I roleplay.

DUN. DUN. DUNNNN!

And I don't mean in the "I'll be the strict Dean and you be the naughty school-girl" sort of way....well, not for this post anyways. I mean in the Dungeons and Dragons sort of way. Cue visual:
I've been at it since around grade 10, when I was pulled head-first into the world of pen-and-paper RPGs, by a group of friends. The first game was played during a Forty-Hour Famine event at our high school, as a way of killing time and forgetting our hunger. Now here is where most Dungeons and Dragon confessionals will tell you that their group doesn't fit in to the stereotype, but I'm not going to do that.

We did.

That is not to say that we haven't all grown up to be bright young men with exceptional social skills because we have, but at the time we were the geeks,. The nerds. We wore the terms proudly. Most of us are still geeks (we just got better at hiding it) and we have gone on to become writers, game designers, computer programmers, and political scientists.

So you won't hear any apologetic we-were-cool high school D&D stories from me. That isn't to say the stereotypes are wholly true or that I've yet to find "cool" people who play pen-and-paper games. In fact, since high school the stereotypes have been completely left behind and now I game with cinematographers, snowboarders, plumbers, rock stars, frat boys, and yes, the occasional video game producer. I write and direct films, but seeing as how that really is just a more expensive version of Dungeon Mastering (more on that later) I'll leave myself out of that line-up.

We first began playing, 2nd edition Advanced Dungeons and Dragons. Weeks later Wizards of the Coast would release 3rd edition and we would switch to that, but my first game was AD&D complete with THACO (To Hit Armour Class zerO, I looked it up). Now I'm pretty good at math so THACO wasn't that hard for me to wrap my head around, but the logic behind wanting to have one score low when every other score was supposed to be high never made much sense to me. It was needlessly complicated and I am glad it is gone. I do miss rolling character sheets up on nothing but a chunk of loose-leaf though.

So with the Famine rapidly approaching High Schoo Stu had to roll up his first character. It was at this moment, lunch on a Friday in the Tech Support Students lounge, that I began a long career of perfecting the Elven Ranger build. Now I may tend towards roguish humans these days, but I still get a sense of home whenever I play something with pointy ears and a bow. He was pretty rough to start off with, but after all it was the first character I ever made. Later rangers would excel in the art of staying hidden and sniping from the trees, annoying fellow players by never getting hit, and perplexing Dungeon Master's who never did figure out that they should stop setting battles in forests where I was at a distinct advantage.

But old Leos, wasn't quite so magnificent of a build, none of his stats and ability choices really mixed all that well and he had the charisma of a particularly dull chunk of oak. I imagine him somewhere still hacking away at Kobolds with his longsword and rusty chainmail. Somehow I can't see him progressing too far past the early levels, but he's a survivor and my first so I can't allow myself to imagine him dead.

His career lasted all of one game, storming a dungeon alongside a mute, dwarven beastmaster, a talky Half-Elf Mage, and a human barbarian or fighter or something big with a sword that hit people a lot, but somewhere between brainstorming with the mage to set a flaming grease trap for a couple of Goblins behind a door and one-shoting both of the DM's big bad pet dire wolves, I was hooked. No amount of snowboarding and starting positions on the high school basketball team could save me from the nerdery to come.

Three Random Thoughts (and what they mean)

2009-05-30T14:51:00.002-06:00

"We need more Steampunk."

This is exactly what it sounds like. I want to see more steampunk in today's pop culture, but mostly what it means is I want to see less vampires. Seriously, the 3 D's (Deep, Dark, and Different) weren't any fun the first time around and they are just plain annoying now. I'm looking at you Twilight 2: Werewolf Boogaloo.

"I really can't remember..."

I had a second thought when I started writing the last paragraph, but now it seems to have disappeared. I am taken aback by this because I remember it being pretty hilarious. I should probably start writing ideas down when I have them, but in the mean time if you promise to pretend that this was funny I'll promise not to start drinking before noon on a Saturday, you know, in a completely unrelated sort of way...

"Gonk, Gonk"

If the everyday average Internet personality is going to start making "my young padawan" and "It's a trap!" references then I think it is my duty as an Alice proclaimed "Star Wars Freakazoid" to start getting more and more obscure with my references to a Galaxy Far, Far Away. Also this t-shirt: Gonk, Gonk

Poor Darrel Hammond...

2009-05-19T00:47:00.003-06:00

Was the first note I made about New York Minute as I watched, my eye-gouging fork safely out of reach. But Before we begin let's meet the players:

Me - your faithful, though occasionally Internet-less blogging companion
Amanda - prone to giggling fits so severe we refer to them as "Amanda being broken"
Jen - to provide as much inappropriate commentary as he 5'1" frame can handle
Mary-Kate and Ashley - the stars of this extended Simple Plan music video. Also: twins.

Now that you know who is involved let's get down to the review:

It's a good thing I chew my fingernails because I wanted to claw my own eyes out. Now there are a lot of things I could blame for this, from the needlessly CGI'd doves to Andy Richter's terribly racist chinese accent to the unexpected realization that Todd Schelinger was taking time out from stealing Cindy Saunders from Sam Wier (look at me go with my obscure Freaks and Geeks references) to ride a bike around Manhattan and miraculously run into The Olsen twins on multiple unrelated occasions (a particularly horrible example of which caused a break in Amanda so severe that she could only speak in squeaks broken up by laughter for 15 minutes), but that would be lying. While that was part of it, ultimately it comes down to piss-poor writing, but getting all high and mighty about the need for a higher calibre of writing might seem a little self-serving and also doesn't really matter here because a) the movie made less money than it cost to make and b) it isn't funny.

So, let the nit-picking ridiculous-ness begin. First off, I feel sorry for Darryl Hammond and Eugene Levy. Something terrible has obviously befallen them that being in this movie was the only way for them to pay the bills in 2004. Did the American Pie franchise fall on hard times? I'm too lazy to investigate so let us move on, but before we do a moment of silence for our fallen comedians.

...

...

...

Annnd we are back! Did you know that when Jack Osborn tries to do an American accent he sounds like an Aussie? Neither did I until about 10 minutes in to the movie. Jack doesn't really matter though because he isn't one of the three following things:

1) Attractive
2) An out-of-work ageing Comedian
or
3)Simple Plan

Seriously, Simple Plan was in this movie a lot. I forgot they existed only to discover that they were the wet dream of every adolescent, or barely legal (but we'll get to that later), girl in the New York area in '04. I mean they are almost more important to the movie than any of the 4 alternate storylines. This may in fact be the most expensive pop music video ever made. As Mr. Spock would say, "Fascinating."

Of course, the writer's would say as they pitched to the studio execs, this isn't just your everyday movie about two twins with complete opposite personalities that are on the run from a delusion truancy officer and an equally delusion adopted son of a Chinese Triad mob boss running a music piracy ring while trying to make sure that they get to the Simple Plan concert/essay scholarship contest, oh no, it's also a love story.

Jen: oh come on, she loses her shit over a guy she just met, while naked (seriously we will get to the barely legal thing)? I thought she was supposed to be smart?

The Ever-Observant Me: But all girls are stupid when they meet a hot guy

Jen: *pouting* It's not funny cause it's true.

It's true, our heroes find time to fall in love. One with the randomly appearing bike messenger and former F&G cast member, the other with the prone-to-be-kidnapped son of a New York State senator.

And almost none of it is believable! but then again this is a movie where a towel wrapped around your body can survive falling two stories from a window washing lift and running around several blocks of Manhattan. Amanda took particular umbrage with the lack of proper towel physics, one might go so far as to say it ruined the movie for her.

Now we finally get to the barely legal portion of the review. Or according to my hastily done research on the Internet Movie Database, the month-and-a-half shy of legal part of the review. You see, back in 2004, when the movie was released the world had become fascinated with the Olsen twins turning 18 and therefor becoming legal and age-appropriate for the dreams of frat-boys across America (and parts of Canada). The writers were clearly aware of this and endeavoured to create as many situations that would lead to naked Olsen Twins, up to and including a scene rife with symbolism in which a large snake finds its way into a shower with a wet and clothing-ly challenged Ashley Olsen. I imagine there was much high-fiving in the office of the writing team when they snuck that one by Standards and Practises.

And that's it, I made it through without serious injury or brain damage, something that may have only been made possible by the occasional pausing of the movie due to incredibly loud fits of laughter erupting from the Amanda side of the couch. In conclusion, don't watch this movie alone (especially not if any sort of gouging or scooping tool is readily available) and learn to laugh at it, not with it.

Verdict: So bad it's good (but only barely).

And The Winner Is....

2009-04-10T16:16:00.005-06:00

The final tally was:

1) Twilight - 3 votes
2) Monsters Vs. Aliens - 0 votes (one commenter from facebook did mention that it was "not awful")
3) New York Minute - 4 votes
4) A spin on the Lindsay Lohan Wheel of Terrible-ness - 2 votes (this catagory will be appearing again)
5) The Brain That Wouldn't Die - 0 votes

and we had one text-in vote for "Anything by Uwe Bol."

So it seems that animation and movies from the fifties aren't what you want to subject me to. Instad we will be jumping headfirst into the deep end with the "lovely" Olsen Twins. Joining me in this experiment will be my friend Jen Greene. I haven't set a date but I can assure you that by next Friday I will have at least once tried to claw my own eyes out.

Good sirs, good day.

The People Have Spoken!

2009-04-06T17:50:00.003-06:00

And by people I mean Devin from Blambo Inc.

So from here on out I will begin my odyssey into the realm of bad movies. I will endevour to sit through the latest from such artists as The Olsen Twins, Uwe Bol (who incidentally is an alright guy), and I won't even yell at the screen when Michael Bay ruins my childhood.

One thing.

I will not, absolutely will NOT watch Ankle Biters. I won't do it and you can't make me. I don't have anything against midget vampires, I promise you, but this movie produced eye bleeding and angry vomiting within mere minutes of me starting to watch it. I won't do that to myself again.

Having been privy to the first five minutes of the worst movie ever made I am however willing to consider myself immune to the effects of any other film. I will even subject myself once more to the penis close-up-fest that is Stoned if you ask it of me.

It is a good year for it too, as Hollywood seem particularly intent on ruining my childhood nostalgia with a barrage of awful movies. In coming months you can expect me to cry (and record the tears here on this blog) as Transformers 2, GI Joe, and *shudder* the Dragonball Movie assault my sense with awfulness.

Until then you get to vote (exciting right?). And the voting begins now:

1) Twilight (twinkly vampires and all.)
2) Monsters Vs. Aliens (My roommate says it's god awful, will he be proven wrong?)
3) New York Minute
4) A spin on the Lindsay Lohan wheel of terrible-ness (which I will create and film for posterity)
5) The Brain That Wouldn't Die (The 1959 classic)

You can vote by sending me a message, email, or twitter. Hell you can write on my Facebook wall if you need to just get to it already!

A Modest Proposal

2009-03-16T04:56:00.002-06:00

I think I should watch some terrible movies, and I don't mean movies that we pretend to like ironically but really just like for real reals (not for play play), I mean movies that are so god-awfully terrible that you have to fight to sit through them. I think I should do this and then write about it.

Do you agree internets?

I might bring friends. Misery does love company and we all know (thanks to Mystery Science Theatre 3000) that making fun of movies as a group makes them far more tolerable.

Should I do it internets? I require only the approval of one of my four readers (cue: shameless grab for comments). I will also take suggestions.

It will be like a social experiment on staying sane.

Let me know.

From the Bedside of Mr. Stuart D. Popp Esq.

2009-03-15T01:36:00.002-06:00

(cause I can't fit a chair in my tiny tiny room)

Hello to you all, my beloved audience, of which I believe there to be 3-4 of you (readership is up 200% this fiscal year). I am here writing to you, my beer in hand, on this fine Saturday night. To answer any queries that may have arising in your minds just now, the answer is yes. I am drinking alone.

Don't feel bad for me.

I was out with friends earlier, the night simply ended early and I have beer left to drink. So I am merely enjoy a frosty cool one whilst I type. You need not worry about my potential alcoholism, it is non-existent (my Fallout 3 addiction however...). Also it's days away from St. Patrick's Day so give an Irish kid a break.

Enough with the introductions, let's move on to the main point and this time I swear to you, oh faithful readers, that I do have a point.

Or at least a topic.

A topic that has been brought on by a three-way inspiration of 1) beer 2) reading Fargo Rock City by Chuck Klosterman and 3) watching Freaks and Geeks. These have all made me feel nostalgic and wanting to talk about music. So I've tossed away my previous blog idea (or blogdea) a short story entitled Obama-San vs. the Monkey President and I'm going to discuss my musical past.

Now, I don't mean that I played music. To say that would simply be a flat out lie. I am of the musically challenged variety, my artistic skill relegated to the visual and textual realms. I will never woo a lady by playing "Your Body is a Wonderland" on my acoustic that I don't own. I do however enjoy listening to music and I am one of those people who can honestly say they enjoy music from all walks of life, yes, even rap and country.

It wasn't always this way.

There, we just got to the topic and only 3 paragraphs late. So like I was saying, it was not always this way, once upon a time I thought I was a punk. That is to say if asked back in the day, I would probably claim that I was a punk, and that me and my friend were the only punks in town, but that in reality I was full of shit. I couldn't care less about anarchy or any of the things that make up the punk ideology, but I liked fast music and wore my hair bright red and spiky.

Actually, fuck it, I take it back, I was a punk. I may not have fought a bunch and liked irony more than anarchy, but maybe all punks are just a little bit of a poseur inside. In fact I'd bet money on it. The important thing was the music. It was fun. That was the key, because it certainly wasn't technically brilliant or even technically kind-of-good. It was the same three chords, some bass, and some drums played real fast.

Hell, some bands didn't even want to be good, lest they become less punk. NoFX frontman Fat Mike once said that "punk music is just an excuse for terrible musicians to get together and jam." In fact, that very same band recorded an entire album in one sitting on a cassette tape in their garage after they felt that they were become too good at playing there own songs.

I was years away from discovering Led Zepplin and all the wonders of Rock and Roil in the 60s and 70s. My only exposure to Heavy Metal was rap rock bands like Korn and Limp Bizkit. It's no surprise that I looked down on the genre. Punk may not have been good but it also didn't take itself seriously. To kids like me, it was like being in on a big joke that was being played on the rest of the world.

Now here's the part where I take a 180 turn and defend the music I just said was terrible, because despite all its faults the reason i liked punk wasn't just that the bands were in on the punk rock joke. No. It was because they truly did rock. Not in the way that metal bands did, I never wanted to rock out and play drums and air guitar after listening to Anti-Flag. It wasn't that kind of rocking. It was the kind of rock that filled you up with energy. It entered your body through your feet and wrapped around your heart. Your muscles would shake and the only way to release it was to thrash about. This is known as moshing (I know, "no shit," you say but just go with it I'm trying for a style here, jeeze). Whether there was a pit around or not whenever I listen to punk, even to this day, it makes me want to mosh. That was the beauty of punk. The energy. I mean, sure I thought NoFX was funny and some of their songs really got to the heart of growing up middle class and white and Anti-Flag made a lot of political statements (I can't remember if they were any good), but the only thing that really mattered was the energy of the songs, or "how much they rocked out" in teen speak. Nothing else.

So I was a punk, because it gave me a place to get rid of all my teenage energy, and provided a few laughs along the way. The bright red spikes were a mistake (one I paid for with a buzz cut in my driver's licence photo), but the music was not.

Eventually of course, I got to university and, reluctantly at first, discovered music with more than three instruments. My punk days slowly left me behind and my well honed sense of irony an sarcasm found a new home in the indie world (but just on the edge because well lots of hipster are dicks), but every once and a while I get an itch. I clear some space and dig my Fat Music for Fat People CDs out from the depths and let the thrashing take me away.

Surprisingly I have only broken one plate this way.

From the Vault: An Experiment in Gonzo Journalism

2009-02-23T19:25:00.004-07:00

Once upon a time, I wrote this and drew the accompanying illustraion shortly after I heard of the death of Hunter Thompson. I decided to write in a Gonzo-esque style and ended up with a short page of messy writing. I know in reality it is not true Gonzo Journalism but a play on Thompson's style so please do not attack me, I did it in the name of fun.

Enjoy.
Sweet Jesus, I thought, there’s no fire. We’ll all freeze up and die! “Bring another candle!” I screeched at the barmaid desperately, hoping that she had not yet succumbed to the bitter frost.

Instead of the candles she delivered wine lists and menus as if forcing us to pay for a chemical fire in our bellies would scare away the dark cold of the air. I thought it best to test her theory. “Beer! I must have a beer!” I shouted at the cheap, fire-hording whorefaces running the bar.

My camera assist ordered something remarkably similar to pinesol in its odour. It must have had something to do with his Island upbringing. Crazy bastard. “I’m sure you are all of legal age,” the waif collecting the menus stated questioningly.

"That’s never been proven!’

“So,” a strange voice interrupted the conversation I was having with our waitress, “who goes to school with this guy?”

I looked about me. Suddenly my table of close compatriots had been replaced by people who I didn’t know at all. I panicked and shouted, “The Fuck! Who are these people?!”

The owner of the voice was briefly stunned. I tried to hide behind the black wall of my beer wishing fervently that the man wouldn’t noticed that I had consumed too much.

Because Sketch Comedy Was Meant To Be Read Not Watched. Right? Guys?

2009-02-23T04:02:00.008-07:00

FADE IN:
EXT. CITY PARK - DAY

A group of young men are running down a soccer field in the middle of the park. They are deep in the middle of an Ultimate frisbee game. Their level of extremeness¹ cannot be quantified.

GUY #1 leaps into the air and snatches the Frisbee from its flight path. He lands and whips the Frisbee down the field as two opponents rush toward him.

GUY #2 runs into the end zone and turns down field. He waves his arms above his head.

GUY #2
I'm open! I'm open!

A top hat flies toward Guy #2 and slices off his head. His body crumples like a rag-doll.

A group of other players stands stunned, yet not surprised. More annoyed than anything really.

GUY #1
Damn it! Oddjob!

On the opposite end of the field, ODDJOB stands in a post-throw stance. His top-hat is gone and he is still holding on to his frisbee.

Oddjob looks at the group of guys.

The group of guys stare angrily back at Oddjob.

Oddjob hangs his head dejectedly.

ODDJOB
Maaaah...

CUT TO CREDITS:

BA DA duuunnn BA DA duuunnn ba da luun duunnnnnn!!!!²
_____________________________________________

¹ The fact that this is a real word according to my spell check has vastly improved my evening.
² It's the James Bond theme as sung atonally and textually by yours truly!

Lost. Season 6 Episode 23: The One Where the Dog is Around When I Die

2009-02-09T19:36:00.002-07:00

I have returned from the dark heart of the internets. Little know fact: The dark heart of the internets is located in Cleveland, Ohio in the basement of a Starbucks.

"Ha!" you might be saying, "Lazing about on a vacation no doubt!"

You would be wrong. My hiatus has been filled with things such as work, losing my job, getting sick, looking for a job, losing a small patch of hair on the lower back of my head to stress, stressing about this hair loss, being a huge nerd, and generally other disagreeable things. Hardly a vacation at all.

The economic crisis has hit close to home. I am officially a member of the "hundreds laid off" statistic.

"But what does this have to do with your chosen title?" you might counter.

Absolutely nothing. They have nothing in common. I've had a crap two weeks and compensated for by watching TV, most of which was not Lost. So you win this volley, except for the fact that you are a voice in my head and I'm not really listening to what you have to say.

That said...

Have you ever notice that whenever someone dies on Lost the dog is around? Did I just blow your mind? Don't lie, I'll know if you do.

"My mind is at least 53% blown," you would likely admit.

Of course it is.

"But what about the first bit?" you would press on, "The bad stuff?"

I compensate with humour.

Humour and having fake conversations with the voices in my head via the Internet.

"You know they say the first sign of madness is-" you would start to say and then I would interrupt you (because I am prone to rudeness from time to time).

Madness comes with having been to the Dark Heart of the Internets.

Cleveland, Ohio is no place for the sane.

An Open Letter to the Internets

2009-01-22T10:07:00.003-07:00

Dear Internets,

Thank you. Thank you so very much for this.

Your friend,

Stu Popp

A Question for the Ages

2009-01-18T11:51:00.002-07:00

Do you think Ninja have casual Fridays?

Svelte...

2009-01-13T19:01:00.001-07:00

...is the word I am sponsoring for revival in 2009.

Some Uplifting and Positive Recommendations

2009-01-12T10:57:00.006-07:00

Twister
The movie not the game. Now granted I'm a sucker for anything that has awesome, crazy scientist characters, but you can't tell me that watching the dynamic duo of Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton take on F5 Tornadoes and dodge flying cows is riveting shit.

Mead
The drink of Irish Kings, or so says the bottle I imbibed in over the holidays. It is made with honey and... pretty much it is just fermented honey, which is awesome. It is super sweet and does kind of make you feel like a medieval king if you drink it from a goblet.

"I Love You Beth Cooper" by Larry Doyle
This book by a former (or maybe still current, I wasn't paying attention) Simpsons writer is funny and kind of awe-shucks sweet. I don't really have a joke to go here except that maybe I wish my high school career had a day half as interesting and make-out filled as Denis Cooverman's. Read it before the movie comesout and likely ruins everything forever.

Baconbot.com
A website about all things bacon-related. I don't think I need to explain to anyone why this is awesome.

The Dark Knight
I'm just going to cut the bullshit and just get right down to the only recommendation that really matters: Christopher Nolan's "The Dark Knight". I have honestly never been this excited about a movie, I can't recommend it enough. In fact, I am so serious about this I am going to recommend it as many times as I saw it. Four. So you better get prepared.

Gimme Fives
The high five is still awesome, but sometimes people suck at them and that is not awesome. Try a low-down, palm-up "Gimme Five" instead and get ready to learn that variety really is the spice of life.

Robert Downey Jr.
From high-flying, technological, superhero playboys to delusional, skin-dyeing, Australian actors this was indeed Mr. Downey Jr.'s year. He can do no wrong (you know except for that whole drug thing but that is in the past). Feel free to add him to thelist of actors who's presence makes a movie worth paying for.

Snow
I've probably said this before, but I love the fluffy white stuff. It provides it's own fun (snowballs) and makes everything look awesome. Here's to a white Christmas every year since my birth!

Having More Than 2 Snowplows to Service an Entire Major Metropolitan Area
Seriously Vancouver, what the hell?

Steak Tartar
I had this, the ultimate in Raw Food, for the first time this year. It's super rich and not at all what you'd expect. If you can get past the idea of eating raw meat than I suggest you experience this as it is actually quite tasty.

Lone Wolf and Cub
The manga, not the films (but only because I haven't watched them yet). An awesome and epic (it spans 27 some odd volumes) tale of betrayal and redemption in Feudal Japan. These books feature sweet sword fights and incredibly accurate historical detail.

Not Having Internet Access For a Week
It is amazing how much less bored one can be when you don't have Facebook to click through for hours on end. While equal parts freeing and terrifying (you actually have to talk to people to make plans!) it is worth it, if only because you will get way more shit done.

"Little Brother" by Cory Doctorow
In the age of the patriot act this is one of the most important science fiction novels to rear its head. This tale of techno-rebellion is apparently a teen novel which I hope means that teens have gotten a lot smarter than they used to be. Read it. Now.

Book Swaps
Can't find a book worth reading? Then get together with friends and swap books. Could be hit or miss, but if you are like me and only hang out with awesome people then you will get a stack of awesome books to read.

Watching Five Bands Play as One
No "Cool" band posturing. No stage politics. It's too big for that. Just a bunch of musicians having fun playing music. The way it should be.

No Really, The Dark Knight
Seriously, not only did this movie not disappoint, it exceeded my incredibly high expectations. Mr. Nolan elevated the superhero movie to something more, a brilliant crime thriller that was also one of the most faithful Batman adaptions ever. In fact, why are you still reading this? That means you aren't watching The Dark Knight, or at least you aren't watching it hard enough. Go! the list will be here when you get back.

Going Without Caffeine Indefinitely
Actually this is pretty much the worst thing ever, but misery loves company so sack up and join me in hell.

Cloverfield
Hud is awesome. Just make sure you sit in the back.

Maudite
Triple malted beer from Quebec. Also known as the beer of the damned after the seven Courier de Bois who rode their canoe into hell to steal the recipe from the devil. Badass. Canadian Badass. If you don't believe me then ask my friend Jordan. Jordan? "Well that is just plain good beer!"

Crazy Yoda
This was what was missing from the prequels (well one of the things). Yoda as a crazy old man, laughing in Luke's face and fighting with R2 over a lamp. I can't beleive I forgot how awesome that was.

Dr. Gregory House
He's the lovably cynical doctor with the heart of coal. What's not to love?

Finding "Your" Sandwich Place
Let's face it, sandwiches are about 7000 times better when someone else makes them and indescribable when someone else makes them well. Find one place, two tops, and just stay with them, forever. It's worth it.

You Suck at Photoshop
Youtube it. You'll thank me. It manages to be both hilarious and surprisingly informative.

Italian Spiderman
Same as above, only way, way less informative.

Spaghetti Westerns
Nobody does iconic American culture like the Italians. Sprawling badlands and big skies are beautifully captured alongside the grit and grime of the Wild West. They turned the spit polished cowboys of classic westerns into the rough and tumble gunslingers we know and love today. Required watching: Once upon a Time In The West, A Fistfull of Dollars, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

In Bruges
It's time to put your misplaced hatred for Collin Farrel aside and enjoy this sad yet hilarious film about two hitmen hiding out in Bruges (It's in Holland) and coming to terms with their crimes. Be prepared though, it is much more carefully paced than the trailers make it seem. Stcik with it though and you will be treated to the suprising comedic genius of Ralph Fiennes.

Ragging on Step Brothers Just to Piss Alice Off
Seriously Alice it was funny, but Comedy of the Year? Really? I mean, Really?

Wait, Have I Mentioned The Dark Knight Yet?
How many times do I have to say this? Let's focus on the late Heath Ledger here. He is amazing. I dare you to watch the Joker and find even a little hint of Heath Ledger there. He completely dissapears into the Anarchic Clown Prince. Not to mention that his introduction, in the form of a magic trick, is the single greatest introduction known to man.

NotCot.Com
If you like design or photography or fashion or architecture or just like pretty things then this is the one stop internet shop for you. Links to everything awesome in the above catagories complete with awesome booze recipes.

Playing Dead Space with a Constant Look of Fear on Your Face
Honestly, there isn't any other way to play it. By which I mean when you play this game a grimace of terror will become permantently affixed to your face. Trust me, those fuckers come out of the walls. *shudders*

Being Forcefed Shots on Your Birthday
This might seem obvious but my birthday is on Christmas Eve so such an outing is rare and I don't take it for granted. One thing is for sure, you'll either black out and forget the things you do or do things you wish you could forget. Or alcohol poisoning. Win/Win.

The Good, the Bad, and the Wierd
Everything I said about Spaghetti Westerns stands, except for one thing: Korea. You heard me right: A Korean Spaghetti Western set during the Japanese occupation of Manchuria. An homage to the Leoni films of the 70s with a Kung Fu twist. Super wierd, but in the best possible way.

Having a Friend Who Wrote Lyrics to the Jurassic Park Theme
Jurassic Paaark
Jurassic Paaark
Staaring Jeph Goldbloo-oom
From Such movies as
Independance Day
and the Fly-ee-eyyyy...
Thanks Miles.

Girls Named Lacey Who Use Their Lacey Underwear as a Way to Help You Remember Their Names
Just Sayin'.

The Stew I Made For Star Wars Christmas
Made with Beer AND Bacon. AWESOME. Don't even get me started on the best ever dumplings that cook on top.

Chuck Palahniuk
His books ever so slowly twist away for the normal into the bizarre. yet, they do it so subtley that you only notice when your done. You will constantly be left with the "what the fuck just happened" feeling that you got the first time you watched Fight Club. Suggested Reading: Choke, Rant.

I'm Serious About This Dark Knight Business
Go. Go Now! Watch. In Theatres. they are re-releasing so no excuses. Titanic doesn't deserve the spot as highest grossing film ever. Buy tickets you bastards!

Getting a Pair of Green Chucks For Free
Seriously, who doesn't like free stuff. Quit being so contrary.

"Anathem" By Neil Stephenson
Set in an alternate history where science is confined to walled-off, monastary-esque enclaves and the world is run by a secular power of people who can only read symbols. I'm only 300 pages into the 1000 page beast of a book but I'm going to go ahead and recommend it anyways.

Calling Bullshit on ~~Shakespeare~~ Tennyson
"Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Bullshit. I prefer "A taste of honey is worse than no taste at all." You know I'm right Al, own up. "Lord" Tennyson indeed...

Throwing a Party in Your Way Too Small Apartment
For one, you can fit way more people in than you think and the hilarity manages to last pretty much the whole night. It also forces you to talk to people you don't know, like French girls. This is the beginning of a whole series of Standing Room Only (or Sardine) Parties.

Breakfast
Most important meal of the day? More like most DELICIOUS meal of the day! The number one meal for bacon makes it the number one meal for me.

and lastly:

Nerding It Up
This has been a landmark year in Nerding for me. I got back into RPGs in a big way. I suggest everyone find one that appeals to them and lets loose. Way more fun and freeform than a video game. But no LARPing or games about peoiple who- (Just kidding Alice I won't give up your secret).

Terms I Have Coined In 2008

2008-12-31T18:10:00.001-07:00

Dudelady.

Sex Capitalist.

Pedophile Chic.

Hey Interwebs! It's My Un-Fake Birthday! And Maybe a Little Less Blasphemy...

2008-12-24T23:41:00.003-07:00

So I am 24. Officially (As of roughly 9:35pm today).

I do feel a little more grown up, before you ask. I think that is solely a result of having received high quality pots and pans for my birthday and having been excited about it. No real growth there, or maybe it is more genuine growth than those "life changing moments" you hear about.

I'll leave it up to the philosophers.

Besides you come here for bad jokes and to listen to me call Princess Peach a bitch*.

All in all it has been a relaxing two days and I finished 2 and a half books, which is nothing to sneeze at. Nothing much else to say in a paragraph so here are some random thoughts presented in point form:

-It's just isn't Christmas without Scotch, beer, Bailey's, Rum, Wine, and Port. ~EDIT~ And also Mead...delicious delicious Mead... ~EDIT~

-I'm not an alcoholic. Shut Up!

-Snow continues to be awesome and also Vancouver Drivers continue to be hilarious in it.

-My English Grandpa on Irish women: "I thought Mum (my granny) was just Mum, but then I went to Ireland and they were all like that"

-Sleeping on an air mattress in the living takes a bit of the mystique out of the Christmas season.

-Rearranging the Nativity Scene so the Three Wise Men are stealing Baby Jesus and have replaced him with a lamb continues to be hilarious.

-Does getting a slight thrill out of reading The God Delusion in front of my Irish Granny make me a bad person?

And that is all,

Merry Christmas Everybody!

_________________________________________________________________

*Which she is.

Hey Internets! It's My Fake Birthday! Also Some Blasphemy!

2008-12-19T18:25:00.003-07:00

photo courtesy of Alice K.

Also, for everyone who did not know, I have a beard now. Turns out it is hard to shave with a dislocated shoulder, so I just went with it. But on to the subject at hand:

My Fake Birthday.

It just so happens that I share a birthday with the Late Mr. Christ (or the day before his birthday, or the nowhere near his birthday because really it was spring blah blah blah) and so it is often the case that I don't get to celebrate the most historical birth in history (I'm talking about mine) with my friends.

People are always asking me if it sucks to have my birthday the day before Christmas. They often are asking this because they assume I get less presents. This is not the case. My swag intake has never suffered on account of my birth's proximity to the other major gift-giving holidays. No, it is often terrible for an entirely different reason.

I don't want to get all sappy here, but what sucks the most is that I often don't get to celebrate with my friends. Now, sometimes it has gotten to me and I have blamed my friends in my own quiet way but mostly I understand. I've never really gone out of my way to make a celebration happen, but then it has always been my way of thinking that planning and throwing a celebration of yourself is somehow boastful and wrong.

But this year it is my Champagne birthday. 24 at 24. Not everyone has a chance to celebrate such an event and I didn't really want to miss out. Thankfully, I did not have to take that step into the realm I didn't feel comfortable in entering as my friends have organized a Fake Birthday today. I'm five days shy of 24, but I'll enjoy the champagne all the same.

Basically what I'm saying is thanks Alice and Graeme for putting this together.

Regarding the Brothers Mario

2008-12-15T19:03:00.004-07:00

As a child of the 80s there is one thing I love: Video Games. Not just the flashy 3D graphics to be found on the latest NextGen system, but the pixel-powered pleasures of the post-Atari days (check out that alliteration!). I'm talking Nintendo. I'm talking Nintendo Entertainment System. I'm talking NES. And most importantly I'm talking Mario Brothers¹.

Love and praise for everyone's most beloved Italian plumbers, there are a few things that just don't sit right with me when I take a trip down the green pipe to the land of talking mushrooms and flying turtles. Chief among these is Princess Peach. Now I know there are some Princess Peach apologists out there but I'm just going to come right out and say it, to hell with Political Correctness, Princess Peach is a bitch.

Now normally I'd say cue hate-mail, but in this case I don't think I am alone in this one. After years of finding out that "the princess is in another (fucking) castle,"² I think that my generation is quite frankly sick of her royal highness. I don't think i am the only one who feels like there should be an option to let the princess rescue her own goddamn self.

Not to mention that when you do finally end up rescuing her, after risking life and limb for the sake of love, what do you get? What is your reward? Cake. CAKE! Let me out this in perspective for you. You SINGLE HANDEDLY sack like 12 fucking castles and destroy an armada of Airships that fire living bullets at you and your reward is CAKE! You don't even get a kiss! That sailor who came home from World War II got a kiss and he didn't even know the girl, but you search out and rescue a girl who you are apparently in love with and all you get is some goddamn pastries. Furthermore, I don't even think I ever saw that cake.

The cake is a lie!

I rest my case.
______________________________________________________

¹ Seriously as if it wasn't hard enough for Luigi to escape his Mario's shadow but he had to have the guy's name follow him around as a last name. You fail Ma and Pa Mario.

² And who's side is Toad on really? Looks to me like he's acting as a decoy for Bowser. I think I just uncovered a major conspiracy in the mushroom kingdom here.

Of Cripples and Coffee Bets

2008-12-11T22:52:00.002-07:00

or Day 13: The Bloggening

The left side of my body has made it almost 24 years without serious injury, though the pinky finger on my left hand might protest having been torn open by a falling basketball net at the tender age of 11. The right side, also known as the side I use most often, has not fared so luckily. Even most of the concussions I have received in my illustrious concussion career have been the result of a high speed impact of the right side of my skull and some ill remembered solid object. For my time-challenged Web 2.0 lifestyle readers here is a handy list of right-side injuries:

1. Effed-Up (that's the technical term) Knee.
2. Concussions 2 through 5 and 7
3. Broken Wrist (Never properly healed on account of a self-diagnoses that it was a sprain that would totally heal in 2 to 6 weeks)
4. Actually Sprained Wrist
and
5. Dislocated Shoulder on account of saving actresses and totally being a hero.

Thanks to number 5 I have been riding the Worker's Compensation Train for the better part of the 4th Quarter of 2008. The time off has allowed me a lot of time. Time is good. Time also tends to lose all meaning when you have no reference point to base it on. That is beside the point, however, and I don't want to spin wildly off the non-existent topic of this post. We'll both figure it out by the end I promise.*

But before you do, SIDE NOTE: Quintin Tarantino has terrible grammar.

Back on topic, I have had a lot of free time that needed to be filled up with stuff. Stuff. Obviously new friends have been a great source of stuff. And having a roommate on sick leave from his job for the entirety did hurt. But onto the Stuff...

I bought half an XBOX, the other half was a lovely Christmas gift, but it isn't important. The why is important and the why is Girls. Girls have played a large part in the Stuff (Caffeine hasn't but we'll get to that in a moment). Let me put this into a Scenario starring the cast of "House":

WILSON: I just think it is a bit creepy to bring a girl back here on the grounds of wanting to watch a movie and then saying, "Oops we don't have a DVD player, we'll have to watch it on my computer... in my room... on my bed..."

HOUSE: (Witty, Snide, Cutting Remark)

Of course, Time had already lost all meaning at this point and so nothing happened. The days past, I forgot to bring my wallet to a lunch, there were Star Wars quotes, and I sacrificed a copy of "Gattaca" (after almost buying a VHS of "The Third Wheel" starring Ben Affleck for 2 dollars) to my ageing VCR. More pressingly, WILSON was planning on bringing CUDDY over to watch a movie. We simply needed a DVD player so I bought an Xbox. Girls.

SIDE NOTE: Wilson and Cuddy never watched that DVD, but House did kick ass at Mass Effect.

Because I Promised

I told you we would get to the coffee issue, and rightly seeing as it is in the title, and here we are. I'm done with coffee. And Caffeine. And any sort of Pop (I know, "but what about your last name Hur Hur Hur." I secretly hate you...). It started as a simple agreement to better ourselves between A friend and I, we'll call him Jordan because, well, that's his name (and the House metaphor kind of fell apart way back when I had Wilson and Cuddy on a date and House trying to help). He would go without Porn and I would go without Coke.

Of course saying "it started out as dot dot dot" generally means it didn't end up that way. One man's agreement is another man's bet.

"What's it for? How do you win? What's the prize"
"Self-Improvement. You don't. Seriously it's not a bet."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"But..."
"I'm in"

And so my No-Coke agreement became a No-Pop bet became a No-Caffeine Competition. With everyone else swearing off porn. Johnny and the German were the first to fall. The rest of us sit uneasily on Day 13. It's almost over (the day not the bet) and I will be able to lay that lucky 14th strike on the board, but my hands still tremble with withdrawal as I do so, but I don't intend to lose. I'm nothing if not competitive and stubborn.

related SIDE-NOTE: I recently learnt that Chocolate contains caffeine... "thanks" Alice...
______________________________________________________________

*Okay so I was wrong, I still don't know the point of this post and you are probably more confused than I am. But hey, at last it was funny in parts right? right?

Fake Twitter

2008-12-02T22:38:00.002-07:00

@Cody @AliceK, I seem to be gathering blogging friends so I should probably start blogging again.

A Note on Top Fives (with a bullet)

2008-07-14T01:33:00.002-06:00

I've spent the better portion of my adult life affiliated in some way or another with the industry known so often as "The Industry". Film. Granted I've only really been an adult for four years but technicalities aren't really important here. What is important is a phenomenon that seems more prevalent amongst my peers than any other social circle I have belonged to¹:

The Top Five.
The Dreaded Top Five.
The "I can't pick just five" Top Five
The All-Time Desert Island Top FIVE.

It's an interesting social tool in a world where what you like is oftentimes more important than any other character trait you might possess. Exceptionally honest and possessed of high moral fibre? Too bad, you put White Chicks at number two. I mean, no friendships have ever been lost on account of a top five choice, we're not that cruel, but certainly some friendships that could have been were not based these numbered lists of opinions. Granted these sorts of things can be overcome, but it's a lot easier to make friends in this weird little world, and it is it's own world, if you like the same movies.

It might seem like an awful thing to do, but we do keep the judging largely to ourselves. If you aren't a filmmaker or good friends with a filmmaker (in which case their tastes are expected to have rubbed off) then we don't really care. Your opinion doesn't really matter to the majority of us. In fact to them² you trying to list a top five is almost cute, like a cat pooping in a toilet. It's a dickish and elitist mindset, but it is our nature. We're all critics at heart (we judge ourselves worst if that is any consolation).

Sorry. I apologize for having judged everyone with a DVD collection I've ever met.

Now get over it.

A side effect of all this judging is our inability to choose "just 5" of whatever it is. Usually this indecision is most common when you get down to the nitty gritty of it, The All-Time Desert Island Top Five Films, though it pops its shiny head into any and all top 5 discussions. I personally find it quite amusing that the people who spend the most time thinking about these lists are the people most afraid of being asked to make one. It is a hard thing to do knowing that you will be judged severely for a "wrong" choice. Usually the only way to wrangle a Top 5 out of a film-person is to drop the disclaimer "Only for now, subject to change, and come on dude we're only talking favourites not what you think is best!³" and even then...you'll probably have to give an answer too. Nobody jumps off a bridge unless their friends do it too.

The thought process behind The All-Time Desert Island Top 5 can be broken down like this:

1) This is easiest. Many of my peers might disagree. They might throw out a "How can I really pick just one movie?" This question is bullshit. Picking one favourite movie is the easiest thing in the world. Most people have already done it, subconsciously, and anyone who says they can't pick just one is a liar and probably trying to make themselves out to be someone who has seen too many good movies to choose from and not someone who owns the Karate Kid box set and owner of a Miagi Dojo headband.

2) Number two is a little harder than number one. If you have a number one that you are ashamed of (though you shouldn't be ashamed of your favourite movie) then number two is where you will be trying to make up for it with a more respectable choice. Otherwise this spot is reserved for the film that was almost your number one but then wasn't.

3) The second hardest of them all. This is where you really need to start thinking. Number Three is where you will be rounding out your tastes. Number Three is perhaps the most representative of your tastes on a whole. You need to pick something unlike One and Two so as to really show that you have broad and diverse tastes. You don't want to fuck this up because in a Top 5 really only the top 3 matter, the rest is flavour.

4) Four is easy. Four is the throwaway. You still need to pick something you like (bad choices can still count against), but there is no pressure since anything you forget can always go in number Five. Go with something quirky or a cult favourite to separate yourself from the pack. Go for the funny choice (sometimes a getting a laugh for a choice is better than picking a movie other people actually agree with).

5) The hardest of them all,. This might seem odd because, as I said, only the Top 3 really matter but this is the spot that takes the most thought and is generally the most subject to change. This is because Number Five is the last chance you've got to fill in the blanks. You need to make sure you didn't miss anything and all of a sudden movies that should be sitting higher start coming at you like a hail of gunfire. Godfather. No wait I forgot Easy Rider. Shit. Do I have too many 70s movies? Ghostbusters! FUCK. It's Hell⁴.

There are other rules. I won't go into detail. Knowing too much about the process would taint it for you. Let me just say, god help you if anything younger than a year old is sitting in your top 2. A top 5 Number One needs to be aged like a fine wine, lest you be accused of just liking something because it is fresh in your mind (even if it is the best film ever made).

Now it wouldn't be fair to leave you without giving you my top five, so with all the above information in mind here we go:

The All-Time Desert Island Top 5 Favourite Films

1) Star Wars. The Original. Not Empire.

2) High Fidelity. (It might be that I am pretty much Rob Gordon, but I love this film despite its technical faults. Dave however will say that I am disqualified for this choice)

3) The Big Lebowski (It may not seem like a rounding out Number Three choice to pick a second comedy but what I am really doing here is picking the Coen Brothers)

4) Jurassic Park (Fun Fact: I was almost a paleontologist)

5) The Warriors (I was going to put Easy Rider because I felt my list was too young and too blockbustery but in reality it is The Warriors, with a bullet. In fact it should probably sit higher on this list but that is the indecisive nature of Top 5s)

Now get to judging.

And please feel free to share: I welcome the opportunity to pass my own judgement on everyone else's favourite cinematic experiences

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¹ Except maybe music.
² And in the interest of owning my faults, I too have thought this way. I'm a jackass.
³ Though really we judge them as the opposite way.
⁴ Last week while talking Top 5's over beers I put The Dark Knight trailer at number 5, safely getting the laugh and avoiding having to make any real decision.

Ode To The Internets: World Wide Web Edition

2008-07-08T10:44:00.002-06:00

It has been 2 years and 4 days since the last Ode to the Internets (or World Wide Web as I am calling it now) and I feel awful for ignoring my tribute to sites I love. So check this out:

NOT COT DOT

NotCot is a cool little haven of good design and just generally cool shit. One more reason why I love the World Wide Web (yes I am really going all the way with this one).

From The Desk of S.Popp

2008-07-07T13:04:00.002-06:00

An Intro

First things first, I don't want to go into length about my absence or wax poetic about how I will post more in the future. Chances are I won't, anyways. So that is the last of that, now on to the real deal. The reason you came. Le Grande... "French word for blog".

Reading! Writing! 'Rithmatic?

I've been writing, not here obviously, but I've been writing none the less. If you know me then you are probably aware I have several "in development" projects that always seem to be in one state or another of incompleteness. well now we can add two more to that list.

The second idea (chronologically, but presented first to be mysterious and confusing) is temporarily titled The Dagda is a simple tale about a man who discovers that the Northern European mythologies are all true. I expect that the story will follow the structure of the Hero's Tale as most myth stories tend to do, but I'm not quite that far along. For now I am content to dream up images of Faerie Folk laughing in the woods around a Chilliwack dairy farm and Thor as a grizzled old barkeep who keeps a hammer under the bar to deal with unruly sorts.

The first and most advanced of these ideas is City of Glass (after the Douglas Coupland book). Set in Vancouver, it is intended to be an exploration of what it means to be our generation (I think we are on Y though in reality we are probably somewhere between X and Y). It is a project that I am working on with my writing partner Ron Richard, who will also act as the Director of Photography once we get to shooting.

I am posting these ideas on the World Wide Web (F the Internet 2.0, I'm kicking it old school) in hopes that it will keep me motivated to finish both these projects. So if you are reading this feel free to drop me a line and ask how things are-a-comin'. I'd more than welcome the support and I might even send you a page or two to read.

Speaking of reading, my rampage on the literary world continues. Though my voracity has not yet matched my record of 7 books in January, I am still going strong. In fact I just finish this less than 14 hours ago:

And I was pleasantly surprised. Mr. Faulks did a fairly decent job of emulating Ian Flemming's style without falling into the depths of imitation or parody. And hot of the tail of the new Quantum of Solace trailer I was definitely in the mood for a good dose of everyone's favorite womanizing super-spy. If you a Bond fan I heartily suggest you sneak a peek at this one.

"'Rithmatic?" you ask. No I'm not suddenly going back to school for "the Maths" (as they say in Jolly Ol' England) but rather I just wanted a humourous title. Having failed in that desire I shall endeavour to provide you with a suitable arithmetic problem: 2x+7x4 = 3y.

Please solve for "x". The first person to get the correct answer will receive 200 Reader Points (or some other suitably thing of negligible value).

Community Fails To Notice As Local Blogger Forgets To Update

2008-02-12T21:59:00.004-07:00

More News at 11.

So my "real post to follow" never happened and now I can't even remember what I was going to write about.

BUT

yes, but, I will not let the lack of knowledge of what I had planned to write about slow me down. NAY SIR, I say to you, NAY SIR.

Instead as inspired by my recent pavement induced wounds I would like to impart unto you some nuggets of knowledge that I have acquired over the many injuries I have sustained. Come with me, dear reader, and let us explore the realms of accident prone-ness.... If that makes sense... or something.... TO THE LIST!!!

1. When falling, try not to fall on the knee you injured snowboarding already because that will "seriously wreck your shit", as the kids say.
Unless you like limping. If you like limping everywhere then by all means ignore this first piece of advice and be comfortable with the fact that you are a crazy hunchback who lives in a bell tower/mad scientists lab.

2. If you think that your wrist might be broken, do not wait 2-6 weeks to see if it gets better because "it might just be a sprain."
The odds might be in favour of a sprain but inconveniencing yourself for a few X-rays is probably better than having a doctor tell you three months later that "There are too many bones in the wrist to break it again and then cast it, I guess you'll just have to learn to put up with the pain."

3. Teachers don't accept a somewhat slurred "I'm a little concussed" as an excuse to show up to class and not do work.
They will tend to go on and on about a place called a "hospital" and how you should "go there." They may also point out that your eyebrow is caked with dried blood.

4. "I'll just go faster" is not always an acceptable solution when on a skateboard.
Sometimes it just means that you will fly just that little bit farther when your board decides that the edge of the sidewalk is a good place to stop moving.

5. If everyone around you is insisting you have a concussion and all you can do is mumble "no, no, I'm fine" and stare blankly at the mop in your hands and wonder why you picked it up then you probably have a concussion.
Seriously. You should really go to a hospital.

My Knees Hurt!

2008-02-06T10:59:00.000-07:00

My knees got into a fight with the sidewalk and lost. Stupid knees.

Real post to follow.

(Royal) We Recommend.

2008-01-25T16:37:00.000-07:00

Learning How to Cook
This is one of those immediately rewarding sort of things. Possible downside: you might be bad at it. Overwhelming upside: You get to eat tastier and healthier food than you would normally and also everyone will immediately consider you to be more impressive.

No Country For Old Men
My movie of the year. Honesty made me rethink how I could tell stories and make movies. Make sure you pay attention because this film won't hold your hand all the way through the story, cemented my belief that the Coens are geniuses.

A Nice Wool Overcoat
I know Hans will back me up on this one. They are warm and the thick wool will generally keep out most of what the weather can throw at you. Not recommended that you test that theory in a force 5 hurricane, but for Vancouver rain these are just the trick.

The War On Terror
Not the real war on terror that is slowly eroding the civil rights of our neighbours to the South, but rather a hilarious board game which is sort of like Risk. I prefer to play for maximum hilarity value by backstabbing, openly funding terrorism, and general being a right bastard (just like a real country) but you might find it equally enjoyable to play another way. Whatever your style this game has the goods.

The Wii
Funny name? Yes. Most fun I've had with a video game in ages? Also Yes. The system that made video games a party pastime deserves the praise it has received. Plus it is cheaper than the other two big consoles out there.

The Hollywood Stock Exchange
Buying fake stock in upcoming films and movie stars with fake money has never been so fun.

Letting Me Sign You Up To The HSX
If only because I get 100,000 fake dollars for doing so.

Kenny Vs. Spenny
I'll let the tag line do the talking on this one: Since the beginning of time mankind has been forced to compete for survival. This spirit of competition has reached a pinnacle in the relationship of two best friends who battle against each other. Why? Glory for the winner; humiliation for the loser. This IS Kenny VERSUS Spenny. If that didn't precede each show you would probably have no idea they are best friends (best friends don't usually fake a letter from the ministry of health saying you have AIDS to win a who's funniest competition).

Electric Organs
Or as I like to refer to mine: The Electric Fun Machine. Best if obtained for free, but generally awesome regardless of price. I can't even play it with any modicum of skill and I still have a blast.

Soon I Will Be Invincible by Austin Grossman
Dr. Impossible is a mad scientist, and he really is going to take over the world this time. This book is a look into his mind. The style is one of sincerity and deadpan in the face of Battle-Blimps, Death Rays, and Faerie Warriors fighting side by side with caped superheroes. Hilarious and smart, not just recommended but highly recommended.

Yorkshire Pudding
Healthy? Doubtful. Delicious? Incredibly

There Will Be Blood
Second Best Movie of the Year. P.T. Anderson makes a movie that is reminiscent of Kubrik and Daniel Day Lewis gives a scorchingly good performance (though I think that applies to pretty much any one of his roles).

Asking Daniel Day Lewis if His Son is Alright
No he is not.

Dexter
This may very well be the best show on television. Its premise is unbeatable: A Serial Killer works for the Cops and Kills other Serial Killers. Michael C. Hall is brilliant in the title role. The opening credits alone are enough to keep me watching.

A Led Zeppelin Reunion Tour
Seriously, if you are reading this Robert Plant I will pay inordinate amounts of money to attend a Led Zeppelin concert. Especially since the Reunion Show was apparently amazing.

Neil Gaiman
Brilliant writer. He is on a different level than the rest of us. His stories can be stylish and sharp or playful and heartbreakingly beautiful. For every person that has a lack of imagination it seems this ex-Brit is picking up the slack. American Gods, Neverwhere, and Stardust (the movie or the book) are good places to start.

Crooked Little Vein by Warren Ellis
If Neil Gaiman were formed from pure evil he would take the shape of fellow British writer Warren Ellis. Creator of some of the most delightfully twisted and depraved comic books known to man he has branched out to novels with Crooked Little Vein. It starts with Godzilla Bukkake and grows more Fucked Up (pardon my French) from there, anything else would be giving the story away.

Winning Stuff
Makes free stuff better by attaching a false sense of achievement and an element of surprise to it. Highly Recommended (recent winnings include: A t-shirt and a DVD of The Great Escape).

Planet Earth
Not the giant ball of rock and water but rather the achingly beautiful documentary about the place we all live. You will see things that have never been witnessed by mankind until the film crews captured them on camera (sometimes after waiting for month upon months just to get a shot).

Using the Rock Hand Point as a Greeting
Discovered at my hometown pub this Christmas, it has become my new favourite way of letting friends know that they totally rock! So extend those index and pinky fingers in their direction and let your friends know how you feel.

Deciding Against Recommending That People Wear Joker Make-Up in Public.
Because it feels like now it would just be in bad taste, you know?

Chuck
Not the Best Show On Television, but secretly my favourite. It balances geek (done right! no less) and Spy-Fi nearly perfectly. Plus it had Rachel Bilson for two episodes as a girl who makes the perfect sandwich (which I prefer to believe is a talent she holds in real life and that one day I will marry the sandwich making starlet of my dreams) and grown men dressed as a dancing Sand Worms.

Watching Movies That Flopped
Sometimes they can be plain bad, but more often than not you will find a hidden gem or a failure so magnificent in scope and terribleness that it can't help but be good. Plus filmmakers in the making will learn valuable lessons such as don't invest 175 million dollars in a movie about a surly, pee-drinking, man-fish (points to whoever guesses the film first).

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman
In this compilation of essays by Esquire writer Chuck Klosterman the American Soul is revealed through musings on The Real World and the age old rivalry between the Boston Celtics and the Los Angeles Lakers. Bitingly Witty and strangely insightful, a must for anyone who is way to invested in pop culture (like me).

Keys to the VIP
Aimless mysogeny at its best. Self-proclaimed pick-up artists compete in the game of games (ie picking up women in clubs) all while being made fun of by a panel of 4 men representing different areas of the male psyche. It's also the only game show I have ever watched that refused to hand out a prize based solely on the fact that the technical winner was a giant douchebag.

Cory Worthington
To quote Kellen, "That guy is a major Douchtackle." This is probably true but the Aussie teen, who threw a party that was so awesome ("Best Party Evah, So Far") it destroyed a neighborhood and repelled police (and he's throwing another in a couple of weeks), is kind of hilarious in his Bitchy-Newscaster-Out-Witting appearance on Australian TV. Plus his sunglasses are famous.

Not Having A Bird Hit Your Plane Before Take-Off
Serious "Class: Aves" what the Hell? Waiting in Airports at Christmas sucks balls.

The Mist
Surprisingly effective horror movie which focuses on the characters and not the effects. It also has the single most depressing ending ever. Prove me wrong.

Actually Reading Harry Potter
Though I hate to admit it these books aren't half bad, in fact they are down right decent. Though Snape is much much much less likable when played by my imagination instead of Alan Rickman.

Ending on a Happy Note
Stuff is awesome!

Out and About in Kitsilano

2007-12-19T05:05:00.000-07:00

3:28am

Two old ladies in a grey Prius pull up alongside me as I walk to the 7-11 for a late-night keep-me-awake coffee. Apparently not from the area they need directions. Also apparently unable to fight their gambling addiction they ask where they can find the Casino.

It is not a normal December night.

Ber-Kewwww Goes the Laser Cannon

2007-12-17T16:13:00.000-07:00

I honestly believe that if interstellar space travel was invented I would quite my job to become a space-pirate.

Does this make me a bad person? And more importantly who wants to be on my crew?

A Tale of Intrigue and Betrayal

2007-12-07T22:37:00.001-07:00

The first time I saw the comics editor for the Gauntlet, the University of Calgary newspaper, there were a few things about her that stuck in my memory. These images have stayed there longer than her name, naturally, as I have always found pictures easier to remember than words. She was Asian and she had a mess of dreadlocks that were clearly her pride and joy. From her appearance I quickly deduced she was an arts major, probably specializing in drawing, but what I didn't expect, couldn't expect, from this comics editor was that she was completely humourless. Had she been at the initial Gauntlet staff meeting, the events of this tale might have never happened, but she didn't and they didn't either.

Devin and I were bright eyed and somewhat naive freshmen. I had yet to learn that Geology was all about finding oil on a map and he had yet to learn just how much math was required to be a comp sci major. We also had the misguided belief, fresh off a "bang-up" job as events coordinators on our student council, that extra-curricular activities were the place for us. That is how we came to join up with the Gauntlet. I could draw and together we made a decent writing team so naturally comics seemed like the right fit, not to mention with a full course load the least time commitment.

We, in our youthful naivety, were also convinced that we would be the greatest thing the comics page had ever seen. Surely with our combined genius and superior art could blow the pretentious, pseudo-intellectual, poorly drawn comics that adorned the back page out of the water. Of course our first mistake was probably that we didn't realize that maybe there was a reason that all the comics were the same. Of course hindsight is 20/20 and my foresight is legally blind so we went in pencils blazing, or at least slightly warm.

Comic-ing is a tricky business, especially at the get-go. You have to introduce your main characters, and at a once a week interval you have to do it pretty fast. So basically we had three panels to make our characters memorable. We chose three panels over the then popular, anime-inspired 4-panel layout because well we wanted to show that we didn't need to play to everyone's love of anime to be a success. We wanted to show that we were the rebellious new kids in town and so in our first comic we did what we thought would be edgy, but what any college student worth their salt knows is pretty much the college comic standard for first comics. We made fun of the paper publishing us. Except we were nerds, and thus secretly yearned for acceptance, so we included a disclaimer that was pro-Gauntlet and cleverly self-effacing.
Needless to say we hated it. But the deadline was closing in so we submitted it anyways and promised ourselves we would make up for it with the greatest second comic ever created. But before we could do that we would learn that the good folks at the gauntlet felt it necessary to change the font on our comic to a tiny and nearly unreadable version of comic sans.

At this point in my life I was still a dedicated science student, jacked up on caffeine and quantum theory, and hadn't developed my stern sense of artist integrity that I have today. No sir, all I cared about was that I had made the papers and was now a published illustrator. I mattered and nobody could tell me different. Devin and I were on the top of the world. Any day now, we were convinced, the fan mail would come pouring in.

Of course, the fan mail would have to wait because we still had the Greatest Ever Second Comic to create. This time we wouldn't have to introduce ourselves. This time we could show the readers what we really were. This time we could really be rebels. It was time for us to be lewd and crude and well, really that was it. We made a penis joke, I drew some skellingtons, and in our unique, daring, and trailblazing style we made fun of math.

We didn't want to alienate all of our fans however with this new and enterprising direction so we included another disclaimer under the pretence that we didn't want any feminazis (which TV assured us made up a bulk of the female student body) to hate us for the penis joke.

The mail man must have been so overwhelmed by all the fan-mail we were receiving because he was unable to deliver any of it. We decided to take a week break so that he would have a bit of a break. It also gave us the free time to get burgled.

Needless to say we weren't in the happiest state of mind when the deadline for our next comic came around. Much like Andre, Heather, and the rest of the Real World cast we decided to stop being polite and start being real. We brought our real world drama into our comic and addressed the burglary.
The comic was hastily drawn (which we apologized for in our now trademark disclaimer) and suffered from the constantly unreadable text and squished format. Coming off of our recent burglaring we had developed a strong sense that the world was against us. So we started to blame to people in charge for our lack of perceived success.

We delivered our final 3-panel comic, a fan-mail spoof with little fanfare and began to scheme how to improve the readability of our comic. We asked for a little more space and to be allowed to keep our original font to facilite an easier read. No dice. "We can't change the format of the page," they'd say. "We can't give you special treatment," we were told.

So we tried to take matters into our own hands. We switched to 4-panels instead of 3 because two panels of a four panel comic were given the same space as an entire 3 panel comic. We created the best drawn comic yet, with stronger lines and proper backgrounds. Even the writing was the best we'd done in weeks. It cleverly and self-deprecatingly spoke of our struggle to get more space. It poked fun at ourselves and, more importently, the Gauntlet.

The comic never ran.

I can only assume that our dreadlocked and humourless comics editor did not take kindly to the mild-mannered accusations levelled by our four-panelled effort. At first we thought maybe the email just got lost in the depths of the information superhighway (they were still calling it that back then) so we sent it again to no avail. After many attempts to find out why the comic had ceased running we decided that we needed to fight fire with fire.

We brought the fans into it, or at least we created a few fake accounts in the Gauntlet Forum and posed as angry fans who missed their weekly dose of Devin and Stu. Unfortunately we quickly discovered that the only people who read the forums were fake and created by us. We were finally defeated and swore that never again would we fall prey to the perils of extra curricular groups.

PROLOGUE

I stuck with the comic gig though and created a moderately successful, self-published superhero comic called The Masked Avenger. The small following of loyal fans (not to mention the money I made) helped to quell the disappointment of our original failure.

We briefly made an attempt to resurrect the original comic online, but it was too late. Devin and I were switching school and switching majors. There was no time for comics any more. The Masked Avenger ended after issue 5 (though it found a minor rebirth through the pen of Ian Urbanski) and Nerdism: The Website uploaded its last comic on Monday June 6, 2003.

If you want to invesigate further you can find some Masked Avenger comics online at http://stueypopp.deviantart.com or the online version of Nerdism at http://nerdism.comicgenesis.com/

Being Sick...

2007-11-21T23:54:00.000-07:00

...Is fucking terrible.

Crosstalk: Books I Own That Might Actually Be Porn Films

2007-11-10T00:39:00.001-07:00

5. Island of the Sequined Love Nun

Stu: Check out the bottom of the book cover. That there is a picture of a kidney surgery. I like to consider myself in touch with the likes and dislikes of the average Joe and I don't know anyone who has ever said "I saw this video of invasive surgery and it totally made me hard"

Also there is a bat, in broad daylight, which excludes the possibility of it turning into a sexy vampire. That leaves only one option: creepy rat with wings that gets caught in your hair and has breath that smells of rotting insects.

Plus the woman on the cover is PG-13 clothed and I don't know of any porn that doesn't feature at least 7 vaginas on the cover. Clearly the imagery on the cover of this Russian print of Island of the Sequined Love Nun belongs to something only the mind of an author could concoct.

Alternate Universe Stu: Island of the Sequined Love Nun? Come on. Clearly we aren't talking about the "Jesus Loves Us All" brand of brotherly love here. The woman in the red scrap of fabric definitely doesn't love you "like a friend." No Sir. It's definitely a title that belongs to the world of adult entertainment.

I imagine it plays out something like this: On a poorly constructed beach set there is a woman with low self esteem who happens to be dressed vaguely as a nun encounters an island tribe member who just happens to have a New York accent and access to hair products. She resists his advances at first (she is a nun after all) but quickly gives in because hey we're on the clock here. Cut to a surgeon and his nurse, working in some island hospital (which looks curiously like a beach house with a "surgery table" in it. They have just finished helping a patient and decide to try a little invasive procedure of their own. Later the doctor discovers the nun being ravaged by the slick-haired tribesman and chases him off. The nun repays him in the only way she know how and the nurse probably helps for no apparent reason.

4. Porno

Stu: Porn studios tend to like to present their work as something more than just porno. They will go to great lengths to say that their product is the latest innovation in real-time adult erotic visual entertainment when all they really mean is "It's Porn." but part of the porn game is pretend what you do isn't smut so you don't cry yourself to sleep at night, thus calling your product "Porno" is only possible if it isn't actually porno or else the illusion is broken. Verdict: Book

Alternate Universe Stu: Apparently Slutty Slut-filled Sluts who like Sluts 17 just wasn't clear enough as to what is contained within. This porn (and could it be anything else, the title really does prevent confusion here) is finally appealing to the lowest common denominator. Judging from the cover it probably features blow-up dolls, to each their own I suppose.

3. Monstrous Regiment

Stu: British Red Coats? More ridiculous than sexy. The only place I ever see British soldiers pop up is in long, boring dramatic films based on BOOKS and that one Mel Gibson movie where I learn that all British people are the Devil and we should attack them with axes or they with rape our houses and burn our wives down or something....I wasn't really paying attention.

Alternate Universe Stu: I will grant you that Red Coats do not traditionally equate with sexy. However, judging from the very bare lady legs peeking out on the bottom half of this cover I would hazard to guess that the uniforms don't stay on for long. Also Monstrous Regiment is clearly a metaphor which I won't get into other than to say I don't think any of the soldiers in this story will have much trouble filling their white trousers.

2. Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove

Stu: The porn world doesn't exactly like to be overt with the drug use that goes on and so I doubt they would feature a pill-popping anything on the cover of one of their products. Plus I honestly don't believe anybody in that industry would be able to tell you what melancholy means let alone be able to spell it (except Asia Carrera because she is a member of MENSA, apparently). Book, the end.

Alternate Universe Stu: Lust Lizard = penis, Cove = vajayjay.

1. The Bone Museum

Stu: I get that the word bone would have 5th graders and Beavis and Butthead fans everywhere fall into an endless loop of nervous giggling but this book is clearly about Dinosaurs. Good Ol' Dinosaurs safe in their musty books and forever safe from the slime-ridden tentacles of the porn ind-oh god! oh god my eyes! my virgin eyes!*

*please don't click these links. Seriously I accidentally stumbled upon them looking for an image for the Bone Museum section of this post and I almost clawed my eyes out. What was not destroyed of my childhood by Michael Bay' Transformers has now been beaten into a bloody lifeless pulp. Jurassic Park will never be watchable again.

A Manifesto of Sorts:

2007-11-08T21:48:00.000-07:00

As mentioned earlier I have been challenged by one Mr. C. Sharpe to produce something for this blog. It is not like our previous challenges in which a competition was laid down between the two of us, rather it is a challenge to create something.

I share much of the sentiments that Cody expressed in his latest post. I love writing and all too often has it become a chore. Writing reports and hand-outs that contain no creative soul whatsoever is not something that brings me joy. That said writing in this blog often does. Sometimes I just need to write something down for the sake of writing and often it is utter nonsense as you can see by making a brief jaunt through the archives here at A Positive and Uplifting Message. I love to write and this is why I have chosen as my intended profession to be a writer for film/television and sometimes I need to write something where quality does not matter. That is what from this day forward I intend this blog to be. I hope you, the reader, will find what I post amusing or at least a little interesting if even for its utter absurdity.

I also intend to continue to use this blog to toss bits of visual art your way as well.

That was a short paragraph huh? Also, I would like to bring to your attention the law I set down for myself at the creation of this blog: Though Shalt Not Write About Thyself. Well screw that. I've decided I need a journal and it too will be here. I will try to keep the Livejournal Angst™ out of the journal of course because nobody likes an Emo.

Finally, as I always try to do, I will endeavor to inject my writing here and in the real world with as much of my own personality as possible (or "Popp-isms" as a friend recently mused) and probably some footnotes because footnotes are fun.

So while many may argue that this post lacked substance I say to thee, "Nay!" Consider it a manifesto of sorts. One that hopefully I will manage to follow. Cody I am looking at you to keep me honest and writing should I fall behind (I think at least a post a week should be considered "honest" in this case).*

I think Tom Robbins summed it all up when he wrote, "This sentence is made of wood."

Bon Soir et Bon Chance,

Stu Popp

*Should you so wish Cody I will try and keep you writing as well.

Fancy News for Fancy People

2007-11-08T21:12:00.001-07:00

Check out the fancy new layout. I hope it meets the challenge set forth by Mr. Cody Sharpe.

Not Worth A Real Title

2007-11-07T17:31:00.000-07:00

There will be real posts forthcoming. Until then enjoy this technological offshoot of the lolCat phenomenom I hate so very much.

Some Random Facts and Musings: A Third Season Spin-Off of Musings About Irrelevant Things

2007-06-21T07:14:00.000-06:00

-That is probably the longest post title yet...

-I've discovered that I am infinitely more comfortable in any setting if I am barefoot. Today at work I went barefoot and was the most relaxed I have been in a while. Too bad crack needles and broken bottles abound make it nigh impossible to traverse the city in this fashion.

-This post isn't funny, like, at all, but it did drop one or two truth bombs and will hopefully signify my return to the blogging world and increase literary creativity on my part.

Added bonus game of this post: Count how many obnoxiously big words I used, misused (and possibly misspelled) over the course of the post.

3rd Party Topic #1: The Validity Of Horoscopes

2007-04-13T18:53:00.000-06:00

To properly discuss the validity of horoscopes one must first understand what it is to be valid. The Oxford English Dictionary defines valid as "sound in logic" and therefore the validity of something can be gauged by whether or not it or, in the case of horoscopes, the method through which its results are reached is logically sound. Thus, we will not be discussing the accuracy or precision of a horoscope prediction except where it applies to the validity of the aforementioned horoscopes, but whether the methods used to create such a prediction are logically sound. I would hypothesize that they are not.

The driving force behind the predictions of horoscopes is Astrology, or the study of the alignments of heavenly bodies (or in more scientific terms: planetary and solar systems) and their effect on human (homo sapien sapien) life. Horoscopes are basically the end result of these "studies". Predictions reached by observing various important planetary and solar alignments.

Astrology is a pseudo-science and its origins are based in myth rather than rational, deductive thought. If the alignment of planets and stars is able to affect life on earth then there should be an observable and consistent pattern or force. Such a force does not exist, or is not observable by currents methods or technology. As current technology is able to observe even the most infinitesimal of forces I will argue that such a force does not exist or is too small to have an effect on a creature the size of a human being.

It could be argued that the effect is not driven by physical forces but rather psychological means. If this is the case then an observable and consistent pattern should still be observable. This can be determined by a simple test of comparing a series of horoscope predictions with the events of a person's day over a particular period of time (the longer the period of time the more accurate and precise the results of the test). If the horoscope consistently, accurately, and with precision predicts the events of the test subject’s life then it is likely that the horoscope used is in fact valid.

I myself have run this test on myself over the course of a week (while hardly an ideal length of time the constraints of my blogging schedule demanded it be so short). The first issue that I ran in to was that horoscopes are rarely precise in their predictions. So when the horoscope was accurate it was only because the prediction was so broad that multiple interpretations of its meaning were possible.

Secondly, the horoscope was not consistent in its accuracy. Over the course of the week the horoscope was never fully accurate and on at least two occasions failed to predict the events of my day completely. Such a lack of consistency in a time frame as sort as a week is incredibly damning of the validity of horoscopes.

Scientific theory is clear that nothing can ever be absolutely proven or disproved, but the evidence against the validity of horoscopes is overwhelming. In conclusion I would argue that the predictions made in horoscopes are not reached through any logical means thus they can not be considered logically sound and are therefore not valid.

A Little Note On The Update-Off

2007-04-12T17:46:00.000-06:00

As part of the ongoing update off betwixt myself and Cody we have gotten a third party to suggest blogging topics for us to write about. Before the end of the week you should find a blog on both of our pages on the topic of:

THE VALIDITY OF HOROSCOPES

Though realistically you need only check here because cody's blog will be undeniably inferior to mine. That's all the trash talk I will do for now as I have to get writing!

My VisualDNA

2007-04-08T17:56:00.000-06:00

Here is a neat little thing I found on Cody's blog. Speaking of Cody's blog: I'm coming for you Cody, let the update war continue!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Musings About Irrelevant Things #5: Goth Edition

2007-04-08T17:25:00.000-06:00

Angsty goth kids make me smile.

I smile, of course, that knowing smile that says, "Hey goth kid I am actually laughing at you on the inside because it is impolite to laugh at you out loud in a bus/movie theatre/dentists office."

I myself have been feeling down the last couple of days (though it should be noted it was more of a healthy 20-something disillusionment than a teenager angst) and all of that went away upon reading an old peice of writing I had put up over at deviantart in which I festively and with a good nature (read: a near acceptable level of expletives) attacked the angsty teen community to be found on the aforementioned art site. ~NOTE~ I just realized how long of a sentence that was. It definately borders on being a run-on ~END NOTE~

Upon reading this 2004 era essay I was immediately forced by the reflexsive muscles in my face to smile (In fact, I almost wrote an Ode to the Internets update about it, but decided it would be to egocentric to write an ode to something I created). I had no reason to be down about life because there will always be angsty, face-painted, Avril Lavigne listening-to Goth Kids and that is something to smile about.

Most people find them annoying, but I find them amusing.

Thanks for brightening up my day you sad, little bastards!

Some Arts VII: Return of the Bride of the Arts

2007-03-20T19:34:00.000-06:00

So it seems with my last post I broke my rule of not posting whiny emo crap on my blogspot. With that safely relegated back to livejournal where it belongs I can now go on with doing what this blog was intended to do: posting my crappy art and making self-depreciating jokes.

Without further ado here is the 18th page of issue 6 of The Masked Avenger and issue that has taken only a little under two years to not quite complete.

Enjoy!

Musings About Maybe Relevant Things

2007-02-12T21:03:00.000-07:00

Thought #1: Is it a sign of getting older that I empathize and relate to the emotions of more adult characters in films now rather than the likes and interests of Brody from Mallrats?

Thought #2: Why recently have all my dreams been what-ifs? I used to dream of leading post-apocalyptic rebellions and evil moose(s) but now I dream of the previous days events if something slightly different had happened; a different choice made. And why is it I find these dreams harder to wake up from and easier to fall back in to at the touch of a snooze button.

Thought #3: Am I boring? or predictable? Am I predictable, boring Stu? I mean I know I can crack-wise or be funny from time to time but for the most part I feel like I am not living up to the standards of what is considered un-boring. To sum this thought up: Why is the only thing I ever really go out for the movies?

We (I) Recommend:

2007-01-08T00:10:00.000-07:00

Becoming A Sports Fan
Everyone needs an enemy and this provides you with one you never even have to meet. (or two if you follow both college and professional varieties of your sport of choice).

Scarves
Nothing quite compares to the added neck warmth a good piece of wool wrapped around you provides. Also colour and wrapping method can help express who you are as a person (or how rushed you were that morning).

Primer
Was made for 7000 dollars on film ends and still manages to be the most believable movie about time travel I have ever seen.

Movie Posters
Can get you excited about a movie without giving away all the good bits like trailers do. Also collectible.

A Book With A Good Title
They say don't judge a book by its cover but if a book's title can make me laugh out loud or intrigue me I am more likely to pick it up (see The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time or The Island of the Sequined Love Nuns). If I was a professor I would probably be likely to give better marks to a wittily titled paper.

Blowing Bubbles
My days have been more fulfilling ever since I discovered a closet full of bubble fluid while attending a concert at UBC.

Breakfast
Recently rediscovered this one. It is fabulous. Nothing compares to preparing yourself a good breakfast. Even the race against the clock bowl of cereal is fantastic. The new brunch.

Cheerios
Hated them when I was a kid, but now I know what I was missing. No sugar. No nuts. No dried reconstituted fruit just Cheerios and milk. Delicious.

Esquire Magazine
Genuinely good articles without too much of a leftist bent. Has the unfortunate side-effect of making wish I was several million dollars richer.

Rolling Stone Magazine
Genuinely good articles with just the right amount of a leftist bent. Has the unfortunate side-effect of making me want to be a Rolling Stone Writer (which conflicts with the side-effects of Esquire).

Tetris
Still as basic as can be and still the most replay value of any video game I have ever played.

Photography With A 35mm Camera
Digital cameras make the "whrrr-chk" noise now but you still can feel the "chk" and this is all important. Plus for at least the next five years 35mm will always look better than digital. Plus manual focus really makes you think about your picture.

Brick
Set in a high school and filmed in colour yet it still manages to out-noir most old toughguy movies. Was talked about a lot when it came out but now is apparently not as good as Dreamgirls in the critics Top 10 lists. This should change.

Eva Green
So hot right now.

Daniel Craig
So hot right now.

Blue-Footed Boobie
Like the Penguin only not played-out and way more cool looking. Bonus points for having an awesome name.

Any Book By Tom Robbins
Always refreshingly odd and filled with interesting characters with a touch of fantasy. Often presents the meaning of something (occasionally life) and breaks the fourth wall in a delightful fashion. Almost a Robert Altman of literature and was Once described a been "written like Dolly Parton looks."

Starting Your Day By Thinking About Puppies/Kittens
Try It. You'll thank me.

Stella
A little late on this one, I know, but this Sitcom/Improv show is downright random and hilarious. Watch for great celebrity cameos.

New Hoody Feeling
Soft, warm, and cuddly. Arguably the greatest clothing feeling available for under 75 dollars.

Watching Larry Bird Play Basketball
Over a decade late on this one, sure, but trust me. A sports announcer once said "He couldn't run and he couldn't jump but at least he was Larry Bird" and that is the truth. The gangly, Indiana born Celtic is amazing to watch. He turned the game into an art form, and his pre-game interview cockiness is priceless. Always there with an impossible pass, buzzer-beating three, or self-rebound he was truly deserving of a sold-out retirement ceremony.

Footnotes*

Steak Sandwiches
Generally cheaper than a steak of the same size but lacking in the multiple sides. Good for when you want a steak but not a huge meal and when you don't feel like paying 20 dollars for a good piece of meat.

Not Watching Comedy Inc.
Seriously, why is that show even on anymore.

Snow Angels
Much like blowing bubbles this shit is relaxing.

Bars That Give Out Free Shots When The Home Team Scores
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Nurse a cheap beer and hope the other team's defensive line sucks.

Word A Day Calenders
salubrious \suh-LOO-bree-us\, adjective: Favorable to health; promoting health; healthful.

Casablanca
It really is that good and it has so many memorable lines you continually be going "oh that's where that is from."

The Adventures of Robin Hood
The 1938 version with Errol Flynn. It is delightfully fun and moves at a quick pace. Plus the expert archer they brought in to do all the trick shots actually twinned an arrow which is something even the Mythbusters couldn't duplicate. Still holds up remarkably well for being almost 70 years old.

"Fidelity" by Regina Spektor
Russian born Indie-pop princess belts out this beautiful number. The first song that really made me appreciate it solely for the way it was sung.

Being Inspired
Totally helps you get things done.

Steve Nash, Pheonix Suns
I know I'm not the only one that loves the fact that the best player in the NBA is a short, white Canadian. Looking for a three-peat on the MVP this year. Also the best TSN Sportsnight segment ever (The Nash-Register).

Pasta With A Good Cream Sauce
No chunky bits makes for a more complete pasta experience. Much better than a pasta-followed-by-eating-bits-of-vegetables-afterwards experience. Adding Chicken is acceptable.

Led Zeppelin (I)
How real rock 'n roll sounds. Doesn't get enough attention anymore.

Licking Frosting/Whipped Cream Off Of Stuff
Beaters, Spatulas, Spoon, The Little Reindeer Santa Ornament That Came With The Cake. It's all good and all satisfying.

"Too Short For Gidget" by The Brunettes
If you are the Tall Guy or Short Girl in any of your groups of friends then this song should be your anthem. Also it uses an organ which tends to sell me on the spot.

Fluke by Christopher Moore
An insanely, comedic book about whale biologists. Contains characters that will remind you of at least one science teacher in your past and is chalk full of science jokes that will double the humour value if you were ever a science major in University (even if you dropped out to pursue your love of theatre, dance, astrology, or anything else that your parents totally supported but not without a hint of disappointment in their voices that you still haven't come to terms with...I mean...nothing).

Stick It
My ultimate guilty pleasure. The epitome of so bad it is good and secretly appealing to anyone who defiantly tossed up "the horns" when they were in high school. Plus you can always lie and say you were confused by the presence of Jeff Bridges and you though it was the sequel to The Big Lebowksi. And as an added bonus it actually manages to be a little bit charming and funny, but don't tell anyone I said that.

Returning Library Books On Time
The library is awesome because it is free and has a better selection than Chapters so it stand to reason that not having to avoid going there because you don't want to pay late fees is awesome too.

Having A Gallery Showing Of Your Artwork
Granted I've never done this but doesn't it look like it would be so much fun. Also loads of friends, praise from friends, and booze.

British Accents
Still awesome, but mostly only if you are actually from Britain.

Good bye Lenin!
Funny, smart, emotionally touching and I don't even speak German. Wolfgang Becker's third feature film is a genuinely good movie that doesn't need an over-abundance of style to be interesting.

The Warriors
Pure style. Pure Awesome. The only film I would ever personally want to remake just because it would be so much fun and not because I think I could do a better job.

Downhill Winter Sports
Nothing quite beats the brilliance of strapping in to something edged and waxed and flying down a mountain through 2 feet of fresh powder. My personal poison is snowboarding but skiing is just as awesome (I don't discriminate).

At Least One Pair Of Garishly Coloured Socks
If you have shoes on they can be your little secret, and everyone likes to have secrets. In a pinch they are also good for a quick laugh. Very satisfying. Mine are orange and brown. I like to wear them with a suit.

The semi-colon (;)
I know just enough to make me wish I knew how to use it properly. Some day.

BBC's The IT Crowd
A near perfect mix of physical humour, wit, and brilliant comedic performances. The first season is available on DVD so you should pick it up. Manages to keep each episode self-contained but have evolving character relationships over only six episodes.

Bernard Black
The Irish lead character of Britain's Black Books. Manages to be bitter, drunken, and whimsical all at once and I am convinced he has the greatest facial expressions of all time. Played by Shaun of the Dead's Dylan Moran.

Owning A Suit
If you are a man there is nothing more empowering and satisfying then suiting up. It always makes you look at least 3 times better than you normally do and it makes you feel like the most awesome man in the room no matter how deep in to the hard times you are.

Hi-Fives
Still the single best way to show approval, friendship, and pretty much any other positive emotion.

Hugs
Arguably equal to hi-fives in satisfaction but not quite as all-purpose. Generally reserved for greetings, departures, and stronger positive emotions/affirmations. Always socially acceptable unless you are a douche bag.

"Frontier Psychiatrist" by The Avalanches
It's got a good beat, it's catchy, and has some killer samples. Also it's downright hilarious and the music video is even better.

Dropkick Murphys' Blackout
A solid punk album that is a refreshing departure from the whiny-voiced, high-pitched guitar schlock that passes for punk these days. It's loud, a little angry, rough, and unabashedly Irish. Some of this band's songs were also featured in The Departed which adds a little extra cool to them and by association this album.

Blackouts
A little time away from TV and the internet could do us all good. Also there is the chance for pitch-black makeouts.

Everything Is Illuminated
Has a couple of good laugh-until-it-hurts moments, assuming you find people refering to their dog, Sammy Davis Jr. Jr., as a seeing eye bitch funny, and then it sucker punches you with a touching and thought provoking ending.

Running With Scissors
Way funnier then I expected it to be and based on a true story. Alec Baldwin, Annette Benning, Gwyneth Paltrow and Brian Cox are all brilliant. Evan Rachel Wood is slowly gaining my respect after the cliched pile of dung that was Thirteen. I didn't even regonize Joseph Fiennes but he was pretty excellent too. Jill Clayburgh broke my heart as the only normal one who just wants everyone to be happy. Is often remarked as being "more like when it was called The Royal Tenenbaums" by pretentious film snobs. Strongly recommended.

What Not To Wear on TLC
Another guilty pleasure. Heartwarmingly good natured when you see people succeed in becoming fashionable normal people, yet it also caters to the inner sadists as the host are brutally honest and sometimes even mean. Stacy and Clinton also have a great dynamic as hosts that make them a blast to watch.

Not Having Your Longboard Stolen
I mean really, what the hell!!!

Fuck
It's a great word and I think you will enjoy saying it. Not for use around children.

Watching The Saturday Afternoon Game In Your Pajama Pants
There really is nothing more relaxing that doesn't involve hot water or another person. A bowl of Cheerios can also add that extra something to the mix.

Restaurant Garlic, Mashed Potatoes
It's the craving you never knew you had. Creamy, fluffy, and with just the right amount of garlic that you can never get at home.

Barbeque On The Beach
Bring a frisbee and the boche balls. Perfect way to spend an afternoon off. And for those in need of a quick letch there is bound to be at least one scantily clad girl in the midst.

Bose Headsets
They give a good, clean, rich sound and add that little extra amount of seperation from the real world. Musical escapism at its best.

Robert Altman
I don't know if this whole overlapping dialogue thing will take off, but I just saw M*A*S*H* and I think this kid is going to do alright.

Boxer-Briefs
They breathe like boxers and provide the lift and lack of riding often found in briefs. Also look the coolest.

Having Friendly Gatherings Over TV Shows
OC night, The Office parties, weekly Lost addicts club, and many more. Turning something naturally non-social into an excuse to hang-out (more friends need it then you would think) and drink is considerably cool.

PaperMate Clickster .5 mm Mechanical Pencil
My art pencil of choice. Rarely breaks lead by producing too much when clicked and has a comfortable grip and conveinient clicker location. Is affordable enough to lose even when recently filled with lead.

Admitting That You Like At LEast One New Hip-Hop Song/Artist
We all know you do because we all do too so just own up. You'll find that we probably like that song too. This doesn't apply to people who just like any old rap as you just have bad taste. I personally dig Gnarls Barkely and not just because of the awesome basketball pun in the name.

Bacon
Yep, It's still good.

Pit: The Game
Card-based simulated commodities trading game. Shouting not-so-random numbers at your friends is more fun than you'd think and also makes a great drinking game.

Poker
The media attention may have warn off but it is still being played by pretty much anyone and everyone. Make no mistake this is still the best (and most fun) way to lose twenty bucks to your friend Brian.

America: The Book
A little late here too but it is still funny and biting with great diagrams. The text book format continues to amuse me and the Canadian jokes are pleasent and manage to avoid being only about hockey (plus we still come out looking cooler than the US).

*footnotes are like director's commentary for literature. Bonus features without having to buy the DVD. Plus they are still the best way to toss in some exposition without disrupting the pace of a novel.

2006: A Retrospective In Which My Year Isn't That Exciting

2007-01-04T13:39:00.000-07:00

As many National Events do, The New Year began with a party at my apartment. At this party the single most badass picture of Myself, Mike, and Pete was taken. There were other pictures taken at this party but they are not nearly as awesome. Pete and Mike would go on to have an astounding year of performances with their band London Spy and I would go on to neglect to photograph each show I attended.
There were birthday parties in which I drank alcohol from a fishbowl with old roommates. The consumption of such alcohol in no way contributed to my decision to...

...get a new hairstyle (the first new hairstyle in 2.5 years). I enjoyed the faux-hawk but would later decide to let the hair grow back due to laziness. I would later re-hawk and then get lazy again.
I may have also attended film school. Achievements whilst attended this institution include losing and then finding the locking pin for the transport truck we rented. Here Brian and I celebrate having found the pin. The location here is Riverview Mental Asylum (Celebrity Sighting #1: Matthew Perry)
But mostly at film school I spent a lot of time on photoshop. Above is one of the many fake pornographic magazine covers I made for the surreal (anything could happen) comedy Appalling Self-Abuse as well as a poster for the Cannibal Romantic Comedy of the year Curious Feast. I may have worked on other shows but I lack pictures from those so we will just pretend they don't exist.
Summer arrived and so did my cousin, Courtney. She is from the strange land of Oakville and likes to kayak/canoe competitively. Anywho, she accompanied my sister and I to the beach (Jericho to be exact because Kits Beach is largely filled with people from Surrey and I have misplaced anger toward Surrey-ites for no apparent reason other than fitting in with the rest of the Greater Vancouver Regional District).

Where we barbequed with friends. Also I sang a song with hand motions I think.
Look how much fun we had!!!
Then I went home for a week. A stay in Fernie which promptly led me to go on a road trip.
To Alberta (which promptly led me to return home to Fernie). The lack of mountains was unsettling so I...
...Graduated! Pictured here is the illustrious DP2. A friendship forged in the early days of the school year whilst working on a Documentary about a boring old man who did some things during World War 2. If you are reading this blog chances are you have met at least one of these people.

A better retrospective of my year at Vancouver Film School can be found here: http://bjrproductions.com/class_107_1.html

I had nothing to do with it escpet for appearing occassionally.

After graduation some of us shot a short film and I started taking pictures on 35mm. Here is one that I have already posted but reposted due to the need to have a picture of this particular event in the retrospective.

Then I did a lot of job hunting/writing and was unemployed for a bit. I did do a bit of Teacher Assistant-ing for the Location Sound department at VFS which led me to use the term "My Students" much to my amusement and nobody elses.

Finally I managed to find work as a highly respected and cared for Production Assistant* on The Greatest Film Ever Made. (Celebrity Sighting #2: Jessica Alba but don't tell her that or I might get fired).

The I went home for holidays. I went snowboarding on the now incredibly expensive hill. I did however manage to catch some fresh powder which is always a bonus.
My sister also got some Freshies (or First Tracks depending on your colloqiualism preference). Seen here is a picture of her actually snowboarding because she is better than me at that and I am better at taking photographs so it was the natural order of things.
Here is my hometown as seen from the Lizard Bowl on the ski hill. I could try and point out my house because you can see it in this picture but that would be a lot of tedious, time-wasting effort on my part and I'm sure most of you would give up before you actually found it anyways.
And to bring things back round in the full circle I returned to Vancouver and threw a New Years Party (co-hosted by Amanda). Seen here are roommates, BFFs, future roommates, friends, and friends of friends. It was a good event and I will probably throw another next year if I am not living in a gutter somewhere.

Now you are probably asking "Didn't anything else interesting happen this year?" and the answer is yes a whole bunch of way, way more interesting stuff happened only I don't have any pictures of it or it is more of a personal nature and as you may know I don't discuss them on this blog rather I tend to drink and talk about them loudly at bars.

That's it for 2006, I suppose I could a few top 10 lists or something like that but I won't because we are already four days in to the New Year so I think it is time to get on with our lives and brace ourselves for all sorts of new favorite things.

Enjoy 2007 and I will see you Next Update (4-1 Cody and this one had substance like a motherfucker).

*In case you are unfamiliar with the film industry this is sarcasm. I actually stood in -20 weather on street corner and parking garages and could have been fired for looking at certain things I should not be but have not been told to avoid looking at.

Stu Posts an MSN Conversation...

2006-12-20T14:05:00.000-07:00

...In which I share that the key to gaining weight is eating greasy meats, write the plot to every sports movie ever as a run-on sentance, and explain that cancer is a sadder disease than AIDS.

(enjoy)

Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
then you should eat
Yumi says:
ooohh
Yumi says:
I am eating
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
and not something healthy either
Yumi says:
isn't that rediculous though? x.x
Yumi says:
*sobs*
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
like a big fucking pizza
Yumi says:
I'm eating hot chocolate and banana bread?
Yumi says:
LOL
Yumi says:
grooosss
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
loaded with cheeze and greasy meats
Yumi says:
I'm really not a very big fan of pizza..
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
carb load
Yumi says:
okaaaayyy...
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
like a football guy in the movies trying to add pounds cause coach told him to and if he doesn't then he will be off the team and if he isn't on the team not only will his dad disown him because his dad is a terrible parent and trying to recapture his lost glory days by living vicariously through his son but also Shirley his cheerleader girlfriend will leave him because she only date guys who have
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
letter jackets and are on whatever team she is currently cheering for despite the fact that he gave her a promise ring and she totally said they were going steady so he really has to gain those ten pounds by the big game even though he really wants to go to the big party and Mr. Kingston the renegade teacher who cares is trying to get him involved in something more academic and it is turning out
Yumi says:
o___________________o
Yumi says:
*blink blink*
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
that he is actually a talented writer and he won an award for that essay he submitted to the big magazine in town.
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
BAM
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
RUN ON SENTENCES!!!
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
EVERY SPORTS MOVIE EVER
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
I'm spent
Yumi says:
LMAO
Yumi says:
It's sooooooooooo true
Yumi says:
I don't know, I sort of just want to like... be the teachers pet and go for the writing
Yumi says:
who cares about Shirley, she's a dumb ho
Yumi says:
and my dad is a flake but my mom stil loves me?
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
your mum died in the first act because without that happening there wouldn't be enough dramatic tension and she was sick with cancer and she used to be a writer but gave up her dreams because she married her highschool sweetheart who just so happens to be your dad only the marriage ended up being loveless and she was taking a shine to the renegade teacher because she was given the courage to do so
Yumi says:
LMAO
Yumi says:
oh my god
Yumi says:
can we write this movie
Yumi says:
but can it be about a sport like badmitton or something?
Yumi says:
table tennis?
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
because she was dying only she realized that if she ever followed through with her desires then she would be hurting you so she kept them to herself and even on her deathbed said nothing
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
YES
Yumi says:
LOL
Yumi says:
we need to think of an even more rediculous sport though
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
feel free to come over immediately and we will write it
Yumi says:
LMAO
Yumi says:
I have to put on clothes and go to the library
Yumi says:
to pick up books on business administration
Yumi says:
(exciting!)
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
well anytime after immediately you can also feel free to come over and we will write it
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
I will think of more cliches
Yumi says:
his best friend has to steal his girl
Yumi says:
and then he has to become buddies with the high school dork who was his best friend in elementary school but who chose not to be popular
Yumi says:
possibly a girl, so that there can be a love thing
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
and he realizes that his best friends aren't really his best friends they only like him because he is popular and he is only popular because they like him
Yumi says:
LOL
Yumi says:
totally
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
and he needs a grizzled old mentor played by sean connery
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
who is an author or a painter or something like that
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
maybe an author and a painter
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
and a photographer
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
and other artistic things
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
but everyone thinks he is just the curmudgeony old crazy guy
Yumi says:
totally, he's the neighbor
Yumi says:
and he does things like prune his roses naked
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
he is the neighbor only his house is somehow on a hill
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
and there are trees
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
and rose bushes
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
to further seclude him
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
and he shouts at people
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
he could also optionally be played by Samuel L. Jackson in age make-up
Yumi says:
LMAO
Yumi says:
omg can he please
Yumi says:
can he mutter something about mother fucking snakes in his mother fucking bushes?
Yumi says:
*dies*
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
oooooohooohohoh
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
it could be both Sam Jackson and Sean Connery as a lovable pair of curmudgeons who are lifetime friends
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
heterosexual lifemates if you will
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
who once led a life of adventure
Yumi says:
whose wives died together in a terrible car crash
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
yes
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
and of cancer
Yumi says:
so they relied on eachother for strength
Yumi says:
LMFAO
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
at the same time
Yumi says:
wait wait
Yumi says:
can we be contemprary
Yumi says:
and have them die of AIDS?
Yumi says:
or maybe the athletes mom can die of aids
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
no cancer is sadder
Yumi says:
is it?
Yumi says:
I hate cancer, it's so lame
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
there can be a kid at school who has AIDS though
Yumi says:
LOL
Yumi says:
oooh this is absurd
Of Course Space Is Hot! Where Do You Think We Get Pineapples? says:
who he befriends
Yumi says:
I need to run and catch a bus so that I can get to the library
Yumi says:
but you keep thinking, and I'll talk to you later

*NOTE* My MSN name comes from a wonderful BBC TV show called Black Books. Go and watch it straight away. It is truly fantastic *END NOTE*

I Have Invented a New Kind of Blogging

2006-12-20T12:29:00.000-07:00

The Update Blog.

This blog post has been created for the sole purpose of informing you that I am updating.

I have updated. This is the update.

Just in case you were not aware of what this was. It is an update.

The next update will update you on the status of the next update.

UPDATE!

I Update Because I Can, Not Because I Want To

2006-12-16T16:58:00.000-07:00

I am Bored. For those keeping score that is bored with a capital "B". So bored that I am using sayings that my parents use in day to day conversation and I told myself I would never say. Only I didn't ever actually promise myself but writing out both of these explainations has helped to alleviate my boredom for at least a minute or so. But enough rambling, at least for now there is important news to deliver to the masses. Or at least Cody. Here it is:

I have updated!

Nothing of substance mind you but that is only because I am contractually obligated to not talk about my job. At least not somewhere that the lawyers can see me. ANYWAYS, I really really really want this on a shirt:

I call it Elitist Appliances. So If any of you are feeling particularly charitable (I am unemployed again if that makes you feel more inclined to buy me things) then you can buy this for me. Also I don't care if you don't get it because Amanda understands so I know I'm not crazy. Or we both are. Either way I've managed to avoid boredom for 7 minutes while I made this post.

AHAHAHHAHA.*

*I am going stir crazy

Goodbye

Some Arts VI: Bride of the Arts

2006-11-09T17:00:00.000-07:00

Got back on the Masked Avenger-verse horse a little bit this week doing what I enjoy doing most: Creating superheroes based on my friends. The results, based on everyones favorite roommates and my BFFs, can be found below.

Why Amanda is The Journalist is pretty self explanatory, I think. The design is one of the few "classic" cape and mask characters I have done. The only other really being The Masked Avenger himself.
As always the inspiration for these characters comes from life even if it is simply an inside joke. This one sort-of falls into the same catagory of Garage-Man (ambiguous jester hat-based powers that have nothing to do with a garage), Iankylosaurus (very few people understand Ian's love of armored dinosaurs), and Muffin-Gal (Katie + Never-ending crumbly muffin = had to be there). If you truly want to understand get Amanda to sing you a song called "My Roommate Has A Bionic Armpit". The design came from a noted lack of the stereotypical multinational spy organization (S.H.E.I.L.D. in Marvel and those guys Guardian and the telepath dude with Horns work for in DC). More on this organization to come when I post the picture I am currently working on of it's leader.

35mmm: The Extra M is for Magic

2006-10-31T20:36:00.000-07:00

Recently I came into the possession of my Dad's Canon 35mm still camera. The following photos are what resulted.
I christened the camera with the stereotypical "taking picture in the mirror" picture. Actually it was some other picture and this one was near the end of the roll so I could get it developed, but for the purposes of this photoblog I put it at the beginning despite my strict chronological rule of photoblogging.
BAM! I graduated film school, hooray for me I'm officially unemployed. If you know anyone who wants to give someone a few hundred thousand dollars to make a movie please let me know. Anywho this is Julia (one of my classmates) at the graduation.
Julia and Chad (aka Neutron of the Equipment Room). It looks like it is late at night but it is really only like 4pm. Fear the magic of Film! (The extra capitalization means its serious) This is also the last of the grad day pictures because the place where we held our after party was too dark for photos and also because I didn't bring the camera on the account that I was drinking and that it was the only thing my dad bought with his inheritance. If you want to know more about the graduation check out the next post for it will be filled with highlights (in point form!).
After graduation some of us went on to make a short moviefilm about a musician and the two ladies in his life (his girlfriend and his fantasy girl). Pictured here is the crew minus myself we have Eric (DOP and Camera A operator), Dillon (Director, Writer, Editor, etc.), Byron (Art, Scripty, and fellow Scrubs fanatic), Phil (Grip), Ryan (Camera B Operator), Wes (1st AD and pictured later), and one of the talking prop...I mean actors. Also not pictured is Chris getting behind the scenes footage of me getting behind the scenes pictures.
This is my favorite photo from the production stills I took and not just because it is the one with the best focus. Rather, it showcases one of the things I love about 35mm film: The depth of field control. It is such an amazing tool for getting one's audience to focus there attention where you want it. Also, I have no joke here.
Hey it is everybody's favorite cute but kind of ditzy (Devin I am talking "Deers have teeth?" ditzy here") actress who played a pornstar in a VFS film. She is all kinds of a nice person though and I really like this picture despite the fact that her face is out of focus and the back of her fur hood is crisp as fresh lettuce (iceberg not romaine). The rooftop patio we were on provides a great background...
...Just like the checkerboard interior of the elevator we shot in does (see what I did there? That was a segway). This is the lead actor Jesse (who's name I couldn't remember until I had finished writing this sentence which I then had to go back and re-write to correct my memory error). Jesse plays Otis the semi-famous musician. In this photo he is bringing back groceries to woo his girlfriend with S'mores and Screwdrivers. MMmm that's good lovin'.

And just in case everyone was having too much fun with this photoblog here is the 1st Assistant Director, Wes, in his best AD pose to remind us all that we probably have more important work to be doing and that we are in fact 5 away (5 what? Away from what? Who knows? But it's close...I think!).

-Stu

PS Holding a boom pole on your shoulders for over 30 minutes straight is extremely bad for your back and will result in pain. I learned this for free and now so did you. No charge. Thank me later

Welcome To Rocktoberfest!

2006-09-14T21:46:00.000-06:00

Hans (obviously German) and I (though Irish, I am also Austrian which is sort of like German and I'm pretty sure the Austrian guy in my class said something about celebrating Octoberfest) are celebrating our ancestors love of drinking with a Welcome To Rocktoberfest! Party on Saturday, September 30th. Everyone who knows me is welcome to attend. The theme is german and rock so feel free to dress up German-Style (but any nazis will not be allowed in because I have morals) or Rock Star-Style (If you're Emo that's okay but don't pretend like you dressed up) or both (aka The Hoff).

See you there!

-EDIT- Poster is courtesy of Cam and his Magical Offensularious Poster-Making Skills -EDIT-

Bam! I'm Back On The Internets!

2006-09-14T21:31:00.000-06:00

AND I BRING WITH ME SOME ARTS!

These are some fake travel stickers that adorned a piece of set dressing that I am actually pretty sure you can't even see in focus in any of the shots in a short film called Curious Feast. The movie is about a grad student who is writing a dissertation about suburban cannibals and these were for his Zany Professors office.

Anyone who is offended by this one is a jackass. There are tribes in Kenya, deal with it!

...and there are drugs in Columbia. I know because I watched Scarface once.
And monkeys really are the only selling feature of the Congo. They probably have tribes too but google doesn't have any pictures of them readily available so I went with monkeys (I know the gorilla is an ape but "monkeys" is a funnier word, so again I will have to ask you all to DEAL WITH IT!).

T-Shirt Design: Political Incorrectness Ahoy!

2006-07-10T22:16:00.000-06:00

Inspired by the popular Christian, primetime drama 7th Heaven and made for my sister who coined the phrase "Church Is For Sluts" in response to the behaviour of the characters on the show.

Ode to the Internets: 4th Verse: Dance Number

2006-07-04T16:37:00.000-06:00

The Winter Of Dance: http://www.current.tv/studio/media/7090419

Everyone should check out this 10 minute doc I found online. It was shot entirely on a digital still camera in film clip mode and is quite excellent.

Musings About Irrelevant Things #4

2006-06-16T14:09:00.000-06:00

Why is it that only mammal flesh is named independantly of the animal? I mean, when you eat a trout or a chicken you are eating trout or chicken, respectively, but when you eat a cow you are required to refer to it as beef (or veal if you subscribe to the "younger = tastier" philosophy).

There are exceptions like buffalo or bear or even moose, but for the most part you have to think of a different name for what you are eating, or three different names in the case of pig (god help you if you call your ham "pork").

Some Arts V: Arts In Space

2006-06-05T01:58:00.000-06:00

Here is a little glance at the upcoming page of The Masked Avenger. This hopefully signals my triumphant almost return to comic-ry. Ian take notice, I am only a few pages away from being finished issue 6. And I think I will make it this time.

To make up for the wait colour and crisp word bubbles may be involved (the word bubbles for sure the colour, well I've gotten lazy before let's just say it could happen again). The following page is in a similar state of completion only it has not been scanned.

At any rate it is guarenteed to be more enjoyable than X3 which as you may have guessed I did not enjoy. But if you did enjoy it then just think of how much more you will enjoy these coming pages of Masked Avenger.

Cheers

Ode to the Internets: Chorus: I'm Sorry

2006-05-22T01:40:00.000-06:00

I am sorry for the mean things I have said to you Internets. I only said them because I love you. I should have known that eventually you would surprise me with something like this:

http://hatesong.com/2006/05/12/guest-strip-by-clay-hampton/

The Helicopter is bleeding. Bleeding.

Thank you.

Ode to the Internets: 3rd Verse: Disappointment

2006-05-10T17:10:00.000-06:00

Oh Internets it has been a while since you have provided me with something so profoundly excellent I could not help but smile. The trailers on Apple.com have been lacking (with the notable exception of the 2nd Superman Returns trailer) and blogs have fallen into a lul or dissapeared entirely (et tu Amanda?).

However, it is not simply a lack of material, no, Askaninja.com proved that to be incorrect. I am angry with you internets because you have betrayed me. I'm looking at you MySpace. We always had a tenuous relationship, it would be fair to say that I alternated between finding you mildly amusing and merely tolerating you. Then you went and tried to steal my intellectual property. Shame on you.

Now you may have changed your policies MySpace but I am still dissapointed. No amount of midget ninjas can change that.

Good Day!

Digicine X: The Concept Art

2006-05-02T21:40:00.000-06:00

Digicine X was deemed too expensive for production in the midterm drama round of shooting. Seeing as how I was told pretty much once a day by my instructor's that this would happen I was not shocked and awed. I will now however proceed to continue to leak some of the work I did on the film. The full script is not going up because of paranoia that blogspot will pull a myspace...anywho without further ado here are the character concept designs that I did for my art direction proposal:

In the script it is supposed to be an oversized men's shirt but I guess my comic book style (ie scantily clad women with insanely unrealistic proportions) got the better of me.

May has been in the script since long before it was even science fiction. Basically I expected Katie H. to play her because a)she's blonde b)she actually has a sword c)she has a black belt in Tai Kwan Do (which to the unknowing eye I could easily pretend was Kung-Fu).

Hotaru was the first design I did. He had no lines and was pretty much inteded to be played by Ian because basically Ian looks exactly like I imagined this Japanese-named white guy, and also because Ian has previously demanded that I put him in a movie that I make.

Mr. Wong is not necessarily my favorite character (that honour goes to Eddie, the only character I did not do a design for), however, he is definately my favorite design. I like the mix of modern and traditional in his design. I also like the tatoos which was something I continued over from Hotaru.

And here is the protagonist. Basically I wanted a guy that looked like he was decked out for war but rode a basic bike. he also needed to look like he fit right into the poor, illegal-lofting, drug-using, street-fighting world. I am definately happy with the way he turned out and the fanny pack amuses me to no end.

These pieces also represent my return to the world of colouring (hold the cheers I'll probably still back out when it comes to Masked Avenger comics).

Stuart: 1 Riptides: 0

2006-04-04T21:09:00.000-06:00

Ah the ocean...

Beautiful, serene, wet.

I have wanted to try my hand at surfing for a while now as I have needed something to fill the void of snowboarding during the summer and my longboard is still broken. My friend Katie happens to love surfing and also happened to be going to Tofino this weekend. Tofino, for those of you not in the know, is BC's own little surf town (featured in an MTV movie no less). Needless to say I decided to tag along and try my hand at the only style of boarding I have not yet experienced. I traded my frozen oceans for the real deal.

The trip to Tofino is a pretty beautiful one. It oddly reminds me of the area around Fernie (Elk Valley) only with about a foot of moss covering everything. Despite that, however, I only took one picture out the window trying to perfect my Spielberg-esque "rear-view mirror" shot. You can see my hand so I guess I failed.

So we arrived and went to get some dinner at a restaurant on the waterfront. I saw some Killer Whales, or Orca for you Politically Correct Cetacean Crusaders out there. I did not have my camera on me so no pictures of the creatures for you.

The next morning we went and picked up some gear for me and made our way out to Cox Bay, the only place that looked like it had managable waves as opposed to waves that would crush and fling me about like a ragdoll. 45 minutes of pleasent attempted surfing followed. I managed to get up onto one foot and a knee which I hear is pretty good for a first attempt. My second attempt never came.

We were too far from the middle of the bay and thusly we were in the out flow zone i.e. The currents were flowing in at the middle of the bay and out at the sides of the bay. Caught in the back current Katie and I quickly found ourselves a little less than a half mile from the shore.

We paddled to little avail, essentially staying in the same spot and tiring ourselves out. A kayaker noticed our plight and towed us in abit but he too soon realized that the current was too strong for him to pull the both of us in to shore. He scouted out the rock wall of the side of the bay and found a place for us to climb out of the water. We waited for the water to recede and then scrambled up onto the rocks before the next wave had a chance to throws us against them.

We were safe but still a long way from the shore, so we started to hike. We stuck close to the water where barnacles lent some grip and the danger of ravines was more easily avoided. It was slow going but thankfully the Coast Guard showed up. We jumped back in with our boards and paddled over to their boat. Somewhere in the activity I sprained my right wrist (which happens to be the one that I damaged during the summer and which has not healed to full capacity).

They got Katie in fairly close to shore and back in the middle of the bay and she paddled back in to the beach so she could get the car. A park ranger surfed out a bit to help her along the way. I opted out of the paddling seeing as how I could barely move my wrist and was treated to a sweet, high-speed boat ride over some huge swells.

Back at the CG station the Coast Guard hooked me up with some hot tea and cookies. They also gave me the ill-fitting, fleece onesy to warm me up and replace my soaking wet wetsuit. Katie soon showed up bearing dry clothes and beer and we were on our merry way. Kudos to the Tofino Coast Guard, I really can't say enough good things about those folks, even if they did dress me up like an Oompa-loompa.

And that is the story of how I was almost washed out to sea this weekend.

Some Arts IV: Return of the Son of the Arts

2006-03-20T12:46:00.000-07:00

I've been practising my photoshop colouring and I think I don't entirely suck at it.

SNAKES...ON...A...MOTHERFUCKING... PLANE...

2006-03-19T20:21:00.000-07:00

the trailer is here:

http://www.tagworld.com/snakesonaplane/

GO NOW!

Musings About Irrelevant Things #3

2006-03-16T16:42:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or is the first person they cut to at the Oscars ALWAYS Jack Nicholson?

Just more proof of the awesome power of the Jacks.

Ode to the Internets: 2nd Verse

2006-03-09T01:54:00.000-07:00

God, I love the internet:Superman is a DICK, and I couldn't be happier.

Things Primetime TV Has Taught Me: Part 1

2006-03-03T00:07:00.000-07:00

Jack is the single most badass name anyone can have. I know it sounds all lame and harkens back to the lameass from the Jack and Jill fairy tale but I am not talking about Old Timey Jack, no no, I am talking about the 21st century Jack. Don't believe me? Here's proof:

Jack Bauer. In the span of 24 hours Jack saved the lives of his wife and daughter (the ultimate alpha male move), killed several assassins, threatened to shove a wet towel down the throat of an investment banker. Took out a sniper/mid season boss with a pistol and three bullets, shot his boss in the thigh with a tranquilizer because he did something Jack didn't like, and generally said more badass things than most people do in a year. Then he went on to be more badass on 3 other occassions and is working on a fifth.
Jack Bristow pretty much does all that before breakfast, he has less moral limitations than Bauer and will pretty much kill/maim/torture/blackmail anyone who tries to harm his daughter. Plus he gets bomus points for doing it and being over fifty. Seriously though, you do not want to fuck with Jack Bristow.

Dr. Jack Sheppard. Though not a secret agent Dr. Jack is a doctor, no, a surgeon which is like a doctor but you get to physically decide people's fates daily (sort of like GOD: the Game). Also he has survived being a)thrown from a plane b) living almost 2 months on a tropical island inhabited by wild boars, polar bears, crazy people with guns, sharks, and a swirly cloud of death smoke. Dr. Sheppard's other badass accomplishments: 1)tried to sew up his own back wound shortly after the plane crash and 2) gave a blood tranfusion from himself to Boone using a sea urchin spine as a makeshift needle all the while performing surgery on the man with limited tools and then attempting to amputate Boone's shattered leg by slamming a cargo container door down on it (this may be the simgle most badass course of action ever taken).

Seeing as how TV never lies the evidence must be conclusive: Jack is the most badass name in the universe. That is not to say that anyone named Jack is a complete badass but rather that by being named Jack you have better odds of becoming a badass.

Give your child a fighting chance and name him Jack. Seriously. Do it.

Digicine X: A Treatment

2006-02-26T21:01:00.000-07:00

Next week I get to find out everything that is wrong with the short script first draft that I did for school. It is called "Digicine X" though previously it was referred to as "Post-cyberpunk. bike courier. drug, kung fu story" and before that it had no name and was really just an excuse to do a kung fu film. Anyways the whole point of this post is to let you have a sneak peek. in treatment form. Enjoy:

Nick, a 26 year old unkempt but fit man, sits amid a row of boxes in the main office of a bike courier service. He puts on a bullet proof vest, combat boots, and a helmet bearing the CyclePath Deliveries company logo. While he does this he also explains what his job as a mid-21st century bike courier entails. The last items he straps on are a stun baton and a field emergency med kit.

Eve, a 24 year old stunningly beautiful blonde, lies in Nick’s bed. Nick joins her and produces two pills of Digicine X, a high tech version of Ecstasy. The two take their pills and begin to kiss. A phone rings. It is Nick’s cell phone and his boss is on the other end of the line begging Nick to come in to deliver just one package, “an emergency,” he explains. Nick pulls on his jeans and assures Eve that he will be back before the drug has time to kick in.

When he arrives at the offices of CyclePath Deliveries Nick is given a heavy square box. His boss explains that someone is paying a lot of money to get it where it is supposed to go and that where it is going is to Mr. Wing, the crime baron of Neo Hong Kong. Nick warns his boss that he has just taken Digicine and his boss tells him to use some of the adrenaline in the med kits to kill the nanobots before they take effect. Nick refuses on the grounds that several months’ salary went into purchasing the drugs and to not experience them with Eve would be a crime.

Nick arrives at the offices of Mr. Wing, who is accompanied by several guards and a beautiful blonde with something wrapped in cloth strapped to her back. Nick presents the package to the crime lord who opens it to reveal the head of a young woman, Mr. Wing’s daughter. Simultaneously the Digicine X in Nick’s body begins to affect him and he begins to lose his composure.

Mr. Wing gets very angry at the perceived insult Nick has just given him and orders his men to kill him. Ricky, a 20-something tall, lanky man in a dishevelled suit, leaps across the table at a very distressed Nick and throws a heavy right hook. Nick in his panicked state manages to dodge the punch and produce the stun baton out of its holster. He jabs the tip into Ricky’s stomach and the goon falls to the ground twitching from the shock.

Nick runs for the door, out into the streets of Neo Hong Kong, and eventually finds himself hiding in an underground parking lot. He sits down against a wall around the corner from the entrance and tries to catch his breath. “Are you specifically trying to get us killed?” asks a disembodied voice. Nick looks up to see himself staring back at him. His doppelganger tries to convince Nick to take the adrenaline and get the hell out of here. Nick rubs his eyes in disbelief and the hallucination has disappeared.

Nick hears the sound of the underground parking gate opening and he peers around the corner. Mr. Wing’s blonde in traditional Kung Fu-style clothing is walking down the entranceway. Nick turns away from the edge of the wall to keep from being seen and ends up looking into the eyes of a hallucination of Eve. The fake Eve flirts with Nick begging him to not do away with the drugs and come home and make love to her. Nick is about to give in when Eve is replaced by the Kung Fu Blonde who promptly punches Nick in the face.

The Blonde continues to beat up on Nick until she lands one astoundingly strong punch that throws nick several parking stalls across the lot and into a wall. The Blonde pulls the item wrapped in cloth off of her back and places the tip of it on the ground. She pulls the cord off and the cloth falls to the floor revealing a sword in scabbard. The Blonde begins to charge towards Nick as she slowly draws the sword from its sheath. Eve has reappeared before Nick but he ignores her and stabs the adrenaline needle into his own chest. The effects are instantaneous and Nick springs to his feet, charges the Blonde, slams the half drawn sword back into its scabbard, and delivering a killing blow to the Blonde’s face.
Nick stands silent over the crumples body of his would-be killer for a brief moment and then walks out of the garage. He leaves Neo Hong Kong through its giant archway without further incident.

Ode to the Internets

2006-02-14T00:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the internets do something that makes me love them so much I cry:

http://qcjeph.livejournal.com/#entry_46960

Production Stills, Outtakes, and Ommissions of 2005 and the first few hours of 2006 Photoblog

2006-02-13T02:01:00.000-07:00

I was going through my photography folder and decided that I would post some random photos that, except for the first, have no real relation to each other. So here it is, the not-about-particularly-anything photoblog (with witty commentary):

DISCLAIMER: VFS Film Production Class 107 Documentary Project Group #2 (13th Mission/A Wartime Log) is, honestly, a wonderfully professional and serious group. Any evidence otherwise is bullshit, lies, and likely concocted by the government to discredit us. I swear. For serious.
See, professional. Casey did not actually know what was on the sign which makes the fact that he made that face all the funnier to me. Also, just because he didn't know what was on the sign does not necessarily mean it isn't true. The sign know all!
What is the giant white thing in front of me? A styrofoam bounce board. What are we doing you ask? we are shooting a shot of the little stone man on the cabinet. What for you ask? A documentary about a WWII prisoner of war. Does my shirt have a ninja on it? Yes, for I am 10 Ninjas. What is Steve looking at? It appears to be my nether regions.
We spent the better part of a day shooting pictures of the old man's journal in the basement of our school. I do not believe any of the footage made it into the film but I did photoshop our credits so as to make them look like they were printed onto the cover. We almost used a shot of a letter from the journal (INSIDE JOKE/ Letters from home could be good and they could be bad...many of them were bad /END INSIDE JOKE)
...professional...can you guess what the pictogram says? 10 points if you can.
From an earlier shoot. We were shooting Hans in a bath all hitchcock-like (artistic choice Mr. Cinematography Instructor!) and we needed to get sound without Steve being in the shot. SUCCESS!
A rejected picture from the moustache month photoblog. This is post-midnight, I had finally gotten rid of the rancid thing and was extremely happy about it and also in Hans' room for some reason.
Devin and Jezhel. Devin is looking sceptical about having his picture taken. Steve mistook Jezhel for something she was not (I will not repeat for sake of not wanting a feud between my friends). ALSO, I did not notice until just now that Devin and I were wearing identically coloured shirts.
...I was so mad at the similar shirts (continuity error) that I fought my sister. My bosses at Saffron Productions (the travel show thing) looked on and threatened to fire me if I lost. So I didn't. I won by using a noogie-esque finishing move I like to call "A Move That Is Exactly Like A Noogie But Not."
Travel back in time to Fernie and a picture that didn't make the Fernie photoblog. I like the way the sky looks in this one and I have no witty commentary for it...sooo...BUTTS LOL!!1!!...shut up.
Travel even further back to the days when I lived in New Westminster. This is photographic evidence of the single most epic act of recycling ever, EVER! I took a low angle shot as well, for that mythic look, but it did not capture the full scope of how much crap we crammed into Hans' van. However, before you start thinking that we are awesome recyclers and such remember that this much crap had to acummulate in our house first...we're better now though I swear...
Pete kissing Ghandi, who is wearing a lei. I don't think this one needs witty commentary to be funny.
I like this one because it looks like Pete was playing the guitar so hard that his hand dissappeared. Also because it looks like Lisa and Pete and giving each other intense stares of longing.
New West. Drunken Snowman. He turns away because he is ashamed of his addiction. His outstretched hand says, "don't look at me for I am hideous." He later died of melting.
Matty. A man who truly know the meaning of St. Patrick's Day. That meaning being wearing green and drinking three beers at once. Even though the beers are not Irish. They are however in green bottles so they still count. Speaking of St. Patrick's Day I am throwing a St. Patrick's Day party here. So bring all your friends out to Kits on March 17th (a friday) 2006.

I was also going to post a picture of the high scores I got playing Minesweeper (3 seconds on beginner and 59 seconds on intermediate) whilst working night shift at the hotel in the summer, but it seemed kind of lame and also provided concrete proof of my daily reading of MSN Celebs (I can stop anytime I want...I swear). Thus I didn't post it leaving you the humble reader to have no more pretty pictures to look at.

Stupid Things I Will Be Doing In The Near Future

2006-02-04T14:29:00.000-07:00

First there was the formation of Snakes On A Plane, then there was Moustache Month. Continuing in the tradition of these momentous events here are a few stupid things I, along with several others, plan on doing in the new future:

1) Song Day - participants in this day are only allowed to speak in song. I believe this might actually be this coming monday. It probably won't be too much different then me singing "It's Not Unusual" by Tom Jones all the time.

2) Mohawk Month - at least 3 to 4 of us (VFS kids) are going to shave our heads into mowhawks sometime in the next month. Mayhem shall ensue. I'm going for the Heroine Bob look and pushing for Gamblor to do the horns.

3) Bad Pick-Up Line Night - Hansworth, Steve, and I have decided that going to a random club and trying just about every cheesy and horrible pick-up technique/line is necessary. This will likely involve no real intention to meet girls and a hat from which we will draw bad pick-up lines. I also expect to get slapped at least . If I don't then I am not trying hard enough.

4) The Competition - ever see Seinfeld? Yeah. That competition. I think it starts in a week. I should probably get prepared.

5) Who knows, but it will probably be stupid and involve me being harmed physically in some way.

Happy Picture Lock Day!

2006-01-29T23:22:00.000-07:00

My time as editor of A Wartime Log is now over until colour correction. The next two weeks will be a welcome break, hopefully complete with a return of a social life. To commemorate this eventful day here is a picture of what I did not end up becoming (though I kind of wish that I had). I present to you a piece I call BATSHIT CRAZY:

Fashionably Late

2006-01-20T18:51:00.000-07:00

Everyone and there dog is drawing Batgirl it seems. It also seems that this young artiste has known about this for some time and even drew a picture once he found out. However, in true Stu Popp tradition, I have waited a few days (completely intentionally) to post the picture. So now here is Batgirl in all her fashionably late glory:

Drawings by everyone and their dog can be found here: http://himynameisjamie.livejournal.com/345568.html

Also: who thinks I should try and update more often as a sketchblog?

Doing It Execution Style

2006-01-04T18:34:00.000-07:00

Oh man.

I think that this Penny Arcade is one of the funnier things I have seen in the past month at least. God this makes me want to buy nerf™ products and have nerf™ fights again...

I'm a nerd.

Walkin' On Down

2005-12-30T00:53:00.000-07:00

Every once and a while I see something on the street that I feel is necessary to record. Sometimes it is enough to memorize it other times it is something that can only be explained by drawing it so others can see. dirty, out of shape people walking down the street in underwear, tight t-shirts and a bathrobe with a bandana bearing japanese symbols for instance. I love seeing these little sparks in the crowd and they bring about a touch of creativity in me. Here are two of people I have seen:

Corona Man

I saw him while I was riding the 4 bus from Kitsilano to Hastings. Somewhere around Granville and Georgia I saw him. He was striding down the street in torn jeans and a dirty t-shirt. His worn work boots were speckled with mud. He must not have shaved in months as his beard flapped behind his ears in the wind. He was easy to spot in the crowd because it was raining and all the busy city-folk had there black umbrellas unfurled creating a writhing stream of water-repellant material. It was not that he didn't have an umbrella nor was it that he was not as nicely dressed as the others because he did and there are enough underpriviledged types on Granville Street to make him blend in. It was in fact that he too had an umbrella, a bright, yellow, Corona sun umbrella from a bar table, that made him stand out. He was marching merrily down the sidewalk weaving in and out of the masses twirling the umbrella behind his head like a parasol seemingly oblivious to the rain that he could be keeping off of him instead. He made me think about what possessed him to steal the umbrella if he was not using it to keep dry and just how he had managed to make off with it in the light of day when such umbrellas come out to play. Questions that will likely remain unanswered I suppose...

The Bird Man

It wasn't so much that his appearance was anything special, he was simply your usual slightly-overweight, scruffy-bearded, homeless fellow. He did not appear to be the type who would offer me drugs as he walked passed but would probably end up asking for change for food and maybe wish me a seasonal greeting. No he was nothing out of the ordinary for The City and I would have taken only a passing notice if he had not done what he had done. He crossed the street as the lights began to turn green and yet he was definately not oblivious to the people waiting to drive onwards once he had passed. They did not honk but he mocked them anyways, flapping his arms as he walked slowly infront of the car. He passed me by and gave me his greeting as I had suspected and I continued on my merry longboarding way, but he would stick with me at least long enough to write it down.

The Hanger Dance Kid

The kid was dressed fairly nicely and it was obvious he was not destitute as he still sported glasses that he had no hawked for rent, food, or crack. He carried a thin take-out container that he continually shifted back and forth in his hands to circumvent the heat problem presented by the contents of the container. In one pocket of the hoody stuck out a bottle of Green Tea Snapple™. He juggled the container continuously while also periodically removing the bottle for a drink which required an elaborate dance with the other object in his hand a single empty jacket hanger. There was no indication of any use for the hanger other than the part that it played in the juggling dance of food items. It looked so out of place and yet he showed no signs of making this realization. He most certainly had thought that this was odd and I know because that kid was me two days ago.

Musings About Irrelevent Things #2

2005-12-25T23:35:00.000-07:00

Number 1 being my treatise on my love for all floating gas stations.
I think that there are few better clothing induced feelings than that of a new hoody. New Hoody Feel™ is, I will dare to submit, even better than New Sock Feel™. NSF™ does come around more often, though that is not the determining factor in making the rarer NHF™ the more desirable of the two. Rarity has nothing to do with it. Soft and warm and awesome do infact have everything to do with it. In these areas New Hoody Feel™ is the clear winner plus it encompases more surface area of the body to ensure maximum awesomeness.

Homecoming: Good News and Bad News

2005-12-21T16:26:00.000-07:00

Good News: I survived my flight back, not that I really had any worries about that. Thankfully this time I was not seated next to the ginormously fat guy as I have been pretty much everytime I fly between Vancouver and my hometown. This extra space facilitated my writing of a few scenes for a script which is always a good thing, especially when it relates to homework for writing class.

Bad News: I will not be doing as much snowboarding as I had hoped due to a) parents unable to afford a pass for me (political statement ahead: Fuck you Mr. Campbell) and b) the company running the hill seems to be comprised entirely of douchebags who in the holiday spirit have decided to hike the prices over christmas. Merry Xmas to you too Assholes! So now I get a day of boarding and must choose my day wisely for maximimum powderability.

Good News: Cherry Tarts are still awesome

Bad News: The Weather is all about the icey rain right now

Good News: It WILL be a white christmas

Bad News: This computer does not easily facilitate my watching of short films for research

Good News: Bars are a-hopping and I feel like having some brewskis avec my Fernie friends.

Summary: X-Mas scheduling will have to be re-evaluated to account for less snowboarding and possibly more drinking. As I imagine someone might say in this situation "Crunk Crunk It's time to get Drunk!"

Moustache Month Photojournal: Week 4 and Moustaches Galore!

2005-12-18T22:04:00.000-07:00

WEEK 4: The Brotherhood of Evil Facial Hair Wow! Don't I look happy. No? that is because I am not. At this point I have seriously begun to hate my facial hair, but it was almost over so I was willing to tough it out. You may notice that the hair on one side of my face is thicker than the other. How lame is that...about as lame as the fact that this is 28 odd days of growth. I also found that the burns increased exponentially in this last week. I think it is because before Moustache Month I was nigh-unburnable at VFS and was constantly making burns on others, but with my face hair I was self-confidence-ly challenged and made less burns. People must have felt that their time to burn me was running out. It may also have had something to do with me looking like a greasy 15 year old.
I also apparently look like Garden State's Peter Saarsgard if I squint, half smile, wear a hat, and you are looking at me from a high angle.
The trend that is arising in these pictures is an overall displeasure at having facial hair and having pictures taken creating a record of the nasty facial hair. Steve and I had many a talk about how much better life would be if we got rid of the hair. Everything we discussed was proven true.
Dave hated it because he was unable to groom...but fuck him...at least he didn't look like a rapist. Stupid Dave...always coming out on top...
There is Casey with his week 1 facial hair (it seriously didn't grow any more since the first week). He is displeased as well. The general consensus was that it made him look more Cuban. discuss.
Kevin Smi...er...Mr. Fudge returns with more facial hair than two thirds of Snakes On A Plane combined. It still was not he favored facial hair arrangment and thus he too is unhappy.
Tim is 38. Tim wanted to have a beard on moustache day. Tim shaved because I said so. Tim is creepy.
Wes had a beard since like 3 days into Moustache Month. Did I mention I hate Wes.
Caset doing his best latino gang member impression. Not surprisingly it was convincing. Surprising things about Casey: He a) owns over 40 pairs of shoes b) wanted to join the Marines c) loves DDR and d) many many more things. Casey is weird, but he makes a badass gang member.
Here is me expertly demonstrating what every white guy ever looks like when he tries to be a "gangsta" of any sort. If any of you are looking at this and are thinking "bitch please! I don't look like that! You a foo for sho though!" then you are an idiot.

WEEK 4: Last Day Of Facial Hair Dang! Look how happy Steve, Casey, and I are to be able to shave that evening. Well...shave everything but the moustache anyways. Regardless it was the first major step towards cleanshaven-ness again and we were happy.
Here are all the major players of Moustache Month minus Chris, who tends to disappear unannounced, at the end of our last class of the final day of being moustachioed. Look at those smiles. Hope has been restored in the form of being allowed to shave.
And Lo I Did Shave! And It Was GOOD! and I took a picture of my hair on the razor. Can I get an eee-eew-www

WEEK 4: Moustache Day is HERE! Casey and I were Miami gangsters. I was significantly less badass than Casey, who looked like a cast member from Scarface and even more Cuban than before.
Steve kind of looked like he should be the old guy running a record store. He still has the soul patch but recognizes that he should shave it off because it lame. Or at least he says he does. I think he secretly covets the soul patch. Alternate looks like options are french beatnik poets, but although he can speak French he has no beret. A shame really. Steve shaved at midnight of this day and sent the unholey moustache back to hell, I did likewise.
I could say "Fuck Dave" again, but his supertrooper appearance makes me feel as though my embarassment by comparison was all worth it. The guy on the right is Phil. He joined in about a week and a half before the end of Moustache Month and destroyed me in the non-competition.
This is quite possibly the most badass photogramaphone of Mr. W. B. Fudge in existance. Hans voted him worst moustache but I disagree, it is quite obviously badass. Hired Gunman Badass!
Magnum P.I. made an appearance in the form of Wes. Sort of not pictured is his massive chest hair. Wes too redeemed himself for being totally wicknar in his facial hair use on this day. I don't hate Wes. Wes is too cool for school.
In the end the rumblings of Chris not shaving were untrue. He looks like a science teacher...poor Chris...give him his loud sweater and send him on his way.

And FINALLY, WHAT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR...

Up close and personal with my ronnie (that's british/irish slang for shitty moustache that is barely even there). It would probably look more substancial if my hair was darker but that isn't saying much. I look like 2 parts my dad, 3 parts wannabe rocker from every 70s movie ever, and 1 part 15 year old nerd. I sent the moustache back to the vile depths (of my drainage system) from whence it came at precisely 2 minutes after midnight. I pulled "I live here" rank to cut in line to the bathroom and then I hooked Mr. Fudge up with a cut in the line 'cause that is how I roll...bitches!

Moustache Month Photojournal: Weeks 2 and 3: The Itchening

2005-12-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

WEEK 2: Rising Action (...a little inside I know) Still a handsome devil only with more of a hasn't-shaved, leather jacket, bad boy kind of look. There is a tiny bit of shadow there which is actually quite pathetic considering it has been a week growth. This however did prolong the negative lady-repelling effects of Moustache Month, so there. I did however have to put up with people constantly asking if I had shaved every morning. This resulted in much frustrated arm flailing.
Steve had equal trouble growing but seeing as how he had darker hair his lack of growth was much less accentuated. He did however bitch a lot more than I ever did about how itchy it was at this point.
Mr. McClurken here was off to a good start and had some respectable, manly stubble. So far it looks like he is in the lead seeing as how Dave's picture has dissapeared into the ether.
Mr. Fudge had some respectable chin hair but nothing along the side. No 'chops for him.
This is Tim. Tim did not have a week 1 photo, but he does have a better five o'clock shadow than I do. This is because Tim is 38... (In the background is my cinematography professor (who refused to participate on the grounds of being murdered by his wife).
Hey, It's Chris who happens to be Mr. Fudge's roommate. Chris liked his stubble a little too much and felt it would help him with the ladies. There were rumblings at this point that he might not shave it as according to the rules of moustache month...bastard.

WEEK 3: The Horror, The Horror
Look Ma I have stubble...shitty useless stubble. This picture is in a bowling alley because we went bowling for Steve's day of birth. We left approxiamately five minutes before we would have been kicked out for our reckless bowling methods. This facial hair prompted Ian to say that I should never be allowed to grow a beard again. I agree. This picture is taken about 5 hours before the precise moment I lost all self esteem due to facial hair. It also marks the point in this timeline where I began to have to fight the urge to shave every morning.
Once again, same bad facial hair only in a darker model. Steve spent at least one morning standing in the bathroom holding his shaver and cream in front of the mirror in the grip of a battle of the wills. The outcome: he did have enough willpower to not shave. That's how Snake On A Plane rolls. Dramatic, bitch!
Fuck Dave! Fuck him and his full facial hair!
The facial hair Casey had at the beginning of week 2 seemed to have gone into a strange sort of stasis around the midway mark. His early performance however kept him from ridicule. I was not so lucky.
No Mr. Fudge this week but we do have the Abbot to his Costello, Chris, again. Chris was still giving a fairly strong performance and there were still some rumblings about not shaving. At least there were until I confronted and quashed such notions. I do these things because I am a hero and Alpha and Omega of Snakes On A Plane...biotch!

Moustache Month Photojournal: Shaving and Week 1

2005-12-18T18:16:00.000-07:00

Remember when I said that I would provide weekly updates for the terror that was moustache month? Yeah well I lied. Remember when I said that before and then promised an end of moustache month update? I lied then too. But now, just over a week later, I have come through. I present to you the carefully structured, wittily commentary'd, Marvelous Moustache Month Photojournal...in three parts...because I like to make people wait. LET PART ONE BEGIN!!!

WEEK 1: The Shavening Here are our heroes pre-shaving, though it is only noticable on Dave (a trend that would continue). From left we have Me (aka Alpha and Omega), Steve (aka Dynamite Jones), Casey (aka The Crazy Cuban), and Dave (aka The One Who Can Actually Grow Facial Hair).
If you ever wondered what the super-exclusive secret society of Snakes On A Plane looks like here is the best possible example I could find. Look how organized we are all lined up like that for maximum picturability. As a sidenot Dave isn't actually taller than me but anticipating the pattern of the picture allowed me to duck. That's the kind of quality that gets one declared leader of Snakes On A Plane, which is by the way a totally sweet position.

WEEK 1: The Handsome Years
Look at how smartly dressed this young fellow is, nine out of ten british gentlemen agree he is quite smartly dressed and would be perfect to court their daughters. This manner of handsomness will be gone by week 2 so ladies get your looks in now.
Look how happy everyone is, filled with the hopes of wicknar and badass moustachios to come. These boys truly are filled with hopes...
and smarts. Look at Dave and his looks to the future. Only he truly knows what is to come.Such youth is abound in our resident minor.

My contemporary Mr. Woodrow B. Fudge can barely contain the laughter.

NEXT: The Day The Laughter Died

December Beach Party!!!

2005-12-03T02:52:00.000-07:00

Everyone get their best beach/swim gear cause we are going partying!! At The BEACH!!!* board shorts, Burt Reynolds shorts, old timey swim trunks, swim suits, tank top, t-shirts, bikinis are all welcome. Girls in bikinis are encouraged. Guys in speedos...well...read the poster.

*Beach will be played by a kiddy pool and some sand at Hans and Stu's house.

EDIT: The keg will now be 10 dollars a piece as we are getting a 50 litre one

The Snakes On A Plane Application Form Is Here!!

2005-12-02T19:32:00.000-07:00

Your eyes do not decieve you folks! That most excellent and mysterious of mysterious secret organizations Snakes On A Plane is opening up its doors to applicants. Simply by filling out this application form you are potentially entering the world of secrets previously known by four special individuals: Stuart, Steve, Dave, and Jesus. Those with the highest scores may even learn some things we know that Jesus does not. We are that awesome.

So get out your pencil and get to the writing. You could be the next Snake on a Plane.

-Disclaimer-

Filling out this form does not ensure entry. It does ensure that your answers will be scrutinized and ridiculed by Snakes On A Plane members and their close friends...and maybe Jesus. By filling it out and sending it back to me you are giving me the right to make fun of you, so just remember that and don't sue me.

The Snakes On A Plane logo is courtesy of Mr. Jeffrey Rowland (www.wigu.com)

Dr. McNinja is courtesy of Dr. McNinja (www.drmcninja.com)

Moustache Month: One Week Left Update!

2005-12-02T18:57:00.000-07:00

We, the poorly bearded boys of VFS, have braved our way through 23 of the required 30 days of Moustache Month with only a few casualties. We lost the resident foreign/Austrian guy, Max, to no apparent reason and our Cine TA Jason to demands from his "girlfriend". The rest of us however are fighting on against the trials of itchy faces and unimpressed pretty ladies.

Some of the participants have grown respectable facial hair (some have full beards) and are already expressing that they are loathe to part with it for reasons of either their girlfriend likes it (take that Jason!) or they think it makes them look "cool" or something like that.

Others spend at least ten minutes every morning staring themselves down in the bathroom mirror, gripping their razors and cream tightly as the cold ceramic of the floor saps the heat from our toes, fighting the burning desire to end it all and shave off the ratty uneven mess that marrs their once clean features.

I, myself, have never come so far as to fight a battle of the wills over my bathroom sink but I am by no means proud of the sparse facial hair that litters my face. In fact, the only thing that has saved me from such an early morning war is my competitive spirit. I, in fact, am the worst off of those still holding to the pact. Not only is my beard patchy and slow growing but I am also the fairest haired of the bunch rendering what hair that does grow nearly invisible from any kind of distance. Everyday I am subjected to questioning from my peers as to whether or not I have shaved the previous night, yet I still itch as bad as the rest. Girls still avert from my gaze. I could deal with these things if I was in fact gaining a "wick-nar and totally badass" moustache at the end of the month, but all signs point to grade 9 puberty nerd-stache. I will attempt to offset this by wearing AVs (aviators for those of you playing at home) all day and throwing a supremely badass December Beach Party in the evening. If you are reading this and have the means to contact me for directions that means you are invited.

Where are the pictures you ask? Well seeing as how the promised(?) weekly pictures did not happen but were taken I will post them all at the end of Moustache Month thus given you the full embarassing experience. I will also post a photo journal of the party so you can all relive my drunken foolish escapades.

Moustache Month!

2005-11-09T01:21:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I will be bringing my shaving kit to school nice and early. "Why?" you might ask.

"Because tomorrow is the beginning of the official Snakes On A Plane Moustache Month," would be my answer.

To clarify, Snakes On A Plane is an elite organization of badass film students. It is comprised of Myself, Dave, and Steve. We do have an application form should someone wish to apply and are working towards getting T-shirts. Basically we are awesome. There have been some copycats but what they gain in numbers they lack in awesome. We are not an exclusive bunch, however, and we regularly do things with non-members. In fact rarely does Snakes On A Plane (or S.O.A.P. if you will (we're cleaning up VFS)) do any exclusive activities. We're just good like that.

One such activity is Moustache Month. All participating parties are, tomorrow morning, to bring their shaving gear to VFS tomorrow morning where they will shave off any facial hair (excluding sideburns because I will be god-damned if I'm parting with those!). Then they shall not shave for 31 days straight. Or to be more specific they cannot shave everything, goatees are allowed and any manner of design can be shaved in. However, one cannot shave the moustache region in anyway and more than just the moustache must remain unshaven. Furthermore, what is left unshaven may not be trimmed. On the 31st day we will all shave off any non-moustache facial hair resulting in a bad 70s gang appearance. All Snakes On A Plane members are then required to wear Aviators and talk like dirty cops for the ret of the day.

Oh YES! It's On Now! Also, I expect to look.... ...Like this.

Fear the badly photoshopped moustache!

Gas-O-Line

2005-10-29T02:40:00.000-06:00

I think I have an undue fascination with floating gas stations. I don't know why...there's just something about them. huh.

Some Arts III: Son of the Arts

2005-10-21T19:22:00.000-06:00

I've been doing some drawing lately in my free time, which has been surprisingly sparse. This has resulted in drawings which are high in quality but low in quantity. Some of you anonymous internet critics out there may be shouting to the high heavens about how you disagree with my quality content (or not because I doubt you read this) but I could care less about whether or not you think I "suxx0rz", in fact this entire sentence was entirely so that I would have a larger pre-drawing paragraph. Now on to the art:

I experimented with a new method of doing the speech bubbles and I like the results (though in the future using a ruler to help with lines will be a good idea, I think). Astute people might notice a cameo from the Punk Ninja (All for you Devin, all for you) and the Snakes On A Plane I am so obsessed with. You may also notice the change in font. I found the new font over at a real comic artist's page.Hey, Look it's Jacqui! Or at least it is Screech, the tone-aly challenged supervillain, who is based on Jacqui. The rest of the SFU girls supervillain characters can be seen in similar drawings over at The Masked Avenger-verse (linked on the side).

Urban Assault Ultimate Frisbee Cross

2005-10-15T14:13:00.000-06:00

I present to you an idea conceived after several beers and the use of recreational pharmaseuticals by certain parties: Urban Assault Ultimate Frisbee Cross.

The rules are fairly simple, or at least they are simpler than that Sodoku game that is sweeping the nation of Britain. What you need are at least two teams of two people (though more teams = more fun) and enough frisbees for a 1:1 ratio of teams to frisbees. The game takes place in the downtown area of the city late at night or early in the morning when there is less chance of people getting hit by traffic. The teams will start at a pre-determined location and they must race to another pre-determined destination. They must pass the frisbee back in forth, but much like Ultimate Frisbee the person who is in the possession of the frisbee can't move. As in most races whichever team catches their frisbee across the finish line wins, but how they get there is up to them.

Dirty play such as pushing members of opposing teams into various obstacles (though pushing someone into moving traffic is discouraged it is not illegal in the sense of disqualifying your team, the police may feel differently however) or stealing an opposing team's frisbee and throwing it onto the open door of a bus so that it seriously hampers the forward movement of said team is not only allowed but encouraged. Style points for the most creative way of fucking with the other teams may even be awarded, sort of like how being the best climber won't win you the Tour de France but it will get you a fancy red polka dot jersey.

Possible additional and optional rules have been suggested:
-All frisbees would be matte-black and painted with invisble phosphorescent paint and the teams would wear night vision googles so that only they could see the frisbees. In this variation wearing urban assault gear is a must.
-Course extended to include North Van and thus likely requiring teams to cross the Lion's Gate Bridge upping the frisbee loss danger.
-The inclusion of smaller, harder attack frisbees (putting or chipping frisbees from frisbee golf would be ideal) for use in crippling opposing teams or knocking enemy frisbees out of the sky.

And there you have it. The greatest sport since African Outdoor Tire Cricket where the best (or at least dirtiest) team wins.

Fernie Photo Tour Part 2: Why Snow Days Are Bad

2005-10-13T15:02:00.000-06:00

Contained within this post is evidence of the debauchery Fernie is fraught with as well as pictures of natural disaster aftermath. We are like a mini-New Orleans without people getting raped in the superdome(ooh sort of topical). Anywho enough of my blabbering and on to the pretty pictures. Photo-tourgasm begin! This shot depresses me a little because it is the Ski Hill lacking in snow. For those of you thinking "Wow, that is a pretty shitty Ski Hill!" I would like to note that all you can see in this shot is the run known as the Mighty Moose which is Fernie's "bunny hill." Not pictured is everything awesome about the Hill. Anyways this was raken from the parking lot of the hotel where I worked night shift for way to many nights. Every day I saw this and wished for snow. Then snow came. Twice. Once in June and then again in early September. This made the longest period without snow this year in Fernie 3 months and 2 days. This picture was taken in the morning before it proceed to become a shit storm. See normally when it snows in Fernie it is cold resulting in light, fluffy, champagne powder, but it was warm and wet in the summer resulting in heavy, clingy sleet. This proceeded to cling to trees causing their branches to freeze and... ...snap off. This tree wins the award for most fucked as it pretty much snapped in half. I stood outside my house and listened to the snap crackle pop of my powerlines getting destroyed. There was about a snap every 5-7 seconds for several hours. It was eerily cool. I ended up having to knock snow off my family's trees with a broom stick to save them (the trees not my family). Also reading by candlelight hurts my eyes. This is why I will never be one of those people that spends large amounts of time grooming their hedges. Nature hates those people. Also as you can tell the snow didn't last very long. Why? Because it was summer...moron.But it did last long enough for the local avant-garde artist's kids to make snowmen. Not show is a poorly built snowfort that looks like a really tall snowman fell over.

That's it for wreckage pictures. Now it is on to the debauchery portion of the show, and by debauchery I mean mild partying and community events. Welcome to the Taste Of Fernie, an event where all 7 of the restaurants in Fernie get together to show off samples of items on there menu. It is like a giant grocery store free sample booth except you have to pay to get in and then you have to pay to get the samples. Also some bands played some songs. Highlights of this were the 12 year olds playing generic shitty punk and who also apparently didn't grasp that an event where people can bring there 5 year olds is probably not an event where you should scream "fuck shit cunt" into a microphone. At least not at age 12 when you are playing music I don't approve of...when you hit twenty it is totally badass and cool to swear at kids, I do it all the time. The band in the picture is Big Bubba and Cottontop (the drummer doesn't have a nickname). They are a pretty cool folkish rock band that sings about things like vampire clowns and features my high school Biology teacher Mr. Tomney (Cottontop). This was shot from the beer tent.And this is the beer tent as seen from behinf the stage. mmm beer. This is the inside of the food tent. Notable restaurants include The Curry Bowl (voted best date restaurant by Snowboarder Magazine), Sawai Thai (awesome Satay Chicken), and The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. The latter is notable simply because... ...My friend Chantel works there. She wasn't too excited about being photographed in uniform and will likely be unhappy about being shown and talked about on this site. So moving on to... ...Other people I know. Three of the four people pictured here are Teacher's Kids (we're like a club who's only perks are getting to go in the teacher's lunch line at the cafeteria and getting ridiculed by the student body...). The fourth is a teacher's wife. Specifically a teacher-who-is-a-member-of-a-previously-mentioned-band's wife. From left we have Jesse (who I was in some plays with), Steph (more later), and Chrissy (Steph's sister, known her since I was 3). Here is a shot from the inside of the DJ's booth at the Fernie Hotel (mentioned in the previous post). My friend DJ'd here and hated it because people made him play shitty old rock and country songs. I generally only stopped by to keep him sane because I hated that bar. The hooded figure is Lee (probably stoned), Fernie's local paintball fiend. Also pictured are "cougars" and a local stagette party.This leads us to my favorite Looks Like A Hick Hangout But Is Filled With Nothing But Snowboarders Bar: The Royal. I was here almost every Thursday for jam night. Also I really wish I had stolen that red PeeWee Herman bike. That or the elk head. Usually that involved hanging out with the big, goofy-looking fucker shown here. His name is Will I've known him ever since we were in the same little league team in elementary school (to answer your questions: I was a pitcher. I was okay, but had a habit of beaning specific people. We lost a lot.). Will is originally from the coast and will eventually be moving back. The girl in these pictures is Trista. I didn't mention her in the previous paragraph because there are like three pictures of her which I need material to write captions for and I don't know much about her other than we hung out like 2-3 times at the bar, her dad owns a local pizza place, and she's pretty hot. She also apparently likes to blow on random guys bums. For those of you who might be wondering: No, quantity of photosis not necessarily indicative of anything other than that Trista liked to vamp for the camera (is that an actual expresson? or am I an idiot?). Anyways I have no idea who the guy in the picture is so lets move on to people I do know. Hey, It's Elliot! Not only does this guy play a mean guitar he was also my connection at Frozen Ocean when it was still up and running. Also strangely enough every year when I went in to buy new shoes he had always just bought a package of socks for himself and would give me a pair. Coincidence? Yes, but an eerie one considering it happened like 4 years in a row.

-EDIT-Picture removed on pain of slow, excrutiatingly painful death-EDIT-

Ah, Family. I am probably courting death by posting this crappy, taken-when-she-wasn't-looking-and-had-her-eyes-closed picture of my sister, but whatever...I live on the edge, baby! I said I would talk more about Steph and so here we go! This is Steph, daughter of Cottontop of Big Bubba and Cottontop, who I have been friends with since I was 2 (confirmed by memories of a house she lived in until the tender age of 1.5 years old (at which point I was 2)). Needless to say she the person who I hung out the 3rd most with. She is also the same Steph who rents the smallest house in Fernie. She also is likely going to be moving to the coast in a year...maybe.And to wrap things up I present Kelly (or Kelli, I didn't ask), the cute Aussie who stole my heart (but not really) by wearing a Spider-Man costume to the bar. It was for her workplace's "S" party (other costumes included Sid Vicious, SpongeBob, and a guy named Steve who went as himself). She works at the Same Sun Lodge, one of the many Hostels in Fernie (I recently discovered that there is one on Granville too).

To conclude, this is what Fernie is really all about: Snow, Cute Snowboarders (of Canadian or Aussie descent), and drinking. Screw the picturesque mountainscapes, let's get drunk!

Come With Me...

2005-10-12T17:04:00.000-06:00

...as I take you on a magical journey through the City Of Fernie. Before we get to the pictures I would like to share some fun historical facts about the City of My Birth:
-Fernie is named for William Fernie, a right asshole who stole a Kutenxai princess and ran away chased by her father. He settled in the Elk Valley and established Fernie because there was coal here.
-The chieftan then proceeded to put a curse on the town which proceeded to burn down twice in the early 1900s and have a flood so bad than houses actually floated down the river.
-sometime after WW2 the mayor and a different chieftan smoked a piece pipe and started Fernie's long marriage with weed culture. oh...they also lifted the curse.
-only one major flood has happened since and it was a bit of a wuss.

On To The Pictures! Unlike Cam's home-city phototour this one will lack any works of art because Fernie is small and filled with people who "don't like no artsy crap" but there will be mountains because Fernie is surrounded by them. This one ties into the fun historical facts because the shadow on this mountain is the "ghost rider" and is supposed to depict William fernie on his horse followed by the princess and chased by her father. Also pictured are, in geographical relation to the camera, the Fernie Hotel (or where you can find half of my graduating class drinking themselves into oblivion), The Overwaitea where I earned the title Least Productive Service Clerk, and my old old High School.

This is Castle Mountain as viewed from my front yard. Hidden by the tree is a set of radio towers on the mountain that I was covinced at age 5 was the castle for which Castle Mountain was named. Turns out it was just cause of some stupid cliff.Continuing the history lesson apparently the chieftan was mad at his daughter and her two sister tried to help her hide. They failed and the chieftan turned them into a mountain. Or a god turned them into a mountain to protect them. I forget. Either way there is a mountain called the Three Sisters one mountain over from the Ghost Rider. Finally we have Fernie Mountain or Mt. Fernie...see how well I know the town I grew up in. Anyways on the left side of the mountain you might be able to make out a clearing which I am personally convinced looks like a duck wearing a) aviator goggles b) a leather flight cap and c) a scarf. Will agrees with me so I think that proves I'm not crazy.This picture is a seguay to the building portion of the tour. This is a shot of historic downtown Fernie and in the background is the Lizard Range, better known as The Ski Hill. What you can't see is that half these storefronts are empty or closed because the Ski Hill has no snow on it yet and thus the various hippy and head shops aren't selling too much product right now. Well...okay...the head shops are doing okay. And so is the vacuum store (I don't get it either).Speaking of empty stores. Frozen Ocean was once my favorite board shop in town, and not just because they (the owners/employees) knew me and thus gave me 30% off everything. This is a picture from last winter because the store is now empty. Apparently, the guy who ran it was doing the finances for his unrelated juice shop through FO and the owner didn't like that too much so he came in the dark of...evening and took everything. I happened to see this happen actually. Sadly I will no longer recieve cheap skate shoes. However there is an FO on Granville Island so all is not lost. I call this one "And I wonder why people have such a hard time believing I am a snowboarder from Fernie and I don't smoke pot" for fairly obvious reasons. Continuing the board shop theme is the Edge of the World hearse which screams, "I can desecrate the dead and catch some freshies all in one go!" I personally think this is a genius way of transporting snowboards which always have a nasty habit of being too big to fit in your car. It also makes you look like a complete badass. It also has a monty python quote painted on the back window. A dollar for whoever guesses the right quote. ...and back on the head shop theme. This is a Mexican import store. Despite all odds it has managed to stay open in an area where better stores have failed. My conclusion: drug front. Poorly disguised too as shown by the statue of a smoking guy outside the store.I'm not entirely sure why there was ever a grain elevator in the middle of the Rockies but apparently there was and now it is an overpriced restaurant where the financially elite assholes can get a 30 dollar steak that, honestly, tastes no better than something I can get for 9.50 at Whitespot.This is one of the better restaurants in town. One where I caused a waitress distress by suggesting I would simply climb out the bathroom window rather then pay the bill. It is home to the Hungry Harold, a 1.5 foot wide platter of poutine (real poutine with cheese curds) topped with vegetables and two cajun chicken breasts. For those playing the home game that is a shit-tonne of food. Also those flower baskets are actually chairs from one of the ski lifts.This is my old high school. At least it was until it was deemed unsafe due to it's backwardsly installed ventilation fan and a structure that was so old it could no longer take the snow load an buckled every winter so much that doors could not be opened or closed without the use of excessive force. So a new high school was built......out of tin cans by some guy from Whistler. It was a vast improvement on the old school because whereas the old school only threatened to collapse under Fernie's snowload the new school actually did...twice. Conclusion: people from Whistler know fuck all about snow.Outside the new school is the closest thing we have to a statue...a giant rock. Many a drunken attempt to climb onto this has been made, not by me because I am not an idiot (I only climb on it sober...I swear). Also people like to ride bikes off the top of this usually resulting in injury. This is the house where a bulk of The Off-Season was shot. It is also the home of the girl whom I have dubbed "She Who Ruins Movies". There is a couch in the middle of the back lawn which is infested with maggots and also which I made my actors sit on. When I took this picture it was titled Smallest House In Fernie because...well...look at it, it's tiny. But I am convinced my friend Steph (whom you will meet on the people/events/bars installment of the tour) recently began renting something even smaller. The entire lawn of this house used to be a rock garden that was supposed to represent the sea floor. Nobody thought it was cool...because it wasn't. This shot may seem to have no real significance and it doesn't. I took it because a) mushroom shaped trees b) it's a good shot of the Three Sisters and c) That house is the most Italian house in Fernie (You can only see one Italian flag painted on it here but there are at least four that I can think of). I walked by these houses anytime I needed to go uptown. That included walking to and from school. In my 18 some odd years of living in Fernie I never ever saw these garage doors open. As a kid I thought the house that lay behind that gate was abandoned and haunted. Then on the day before I was to leave Fernie this summer I was walking uptown and lo and behold: Doors Open. This is what is behind my house. Well behind the dyke that is behind my backyard. To either side of this shot is trees meaning I literally have a forest out my backyard, complete with cougars, mooses, and bears...oh my! Also pictures is my chocolate lab Teva. She is not the smartest dog when it comes to finding something you are pointing directly at but she can understand commands in French (seriously). This is the creek that runs into the river that runs behind my house. I have to cross it (via bridge) anytime I want to leave my neighbourhood and go uptown. It is also the site of many a childhood fishing/swimming expedition. In 1995 it overflowed and ran down my street (nobody anticipated that the levees would break) hence the reinforced by stainless steel dykes. It is also the site of this: I have dubbed this Beetle-Jesus and it is quite frankly one of my favorite things in all of Fernie. I don't know who did it but they are obviously more artistic than the people that write the usual Grad '02 graffiti around town. They are also incidentally my hero.

I'm going to end things there for this installment. Join me tomorrow for my snow damage/events/bar tour of Fernie.

The Warm Seat: Now With Less Journalistic Integrity

2005-09-30T00:44:00.000-06:00

Okay after last night's lesson, which taught me that when sleep deprived I gain journalistic integrity and lose what little funny I have, I have decided to take another crack at this self interview thing. This time I have come prepared with a bottle of caffienated beverage and pre-prepared questions. It is also earlier in the night which should help. So let's start this bitch off (cause swearing is funny) with a question suggested by Mr. Haas.

Fictional Interviewer: Who the fuck are you? and why should I care?
Stuart Popp: I'm the guy who writes this blog and you probably shouldn't and/or already don't care.

FI: You have a comic that you co-write and draw so what do you think of webcomics in general?
SP: I think that more people generally need to read my comic because there are a lot of shitty comics out there that are all blah blah emo blah blah anime blah blah livejournal. So why should my shitty comic be left behind?

FI: I get the sense you don't think very highly of livejournal/blogs.
SP: No there are some excellent blogs out there that are quite enjoyable to read. They also provide a way of keeping friends who are far away up to date with what going on with you without having to talk to everyone individually. That said, there are a lot that are simply, to quote a friend, BlahBlahBlah Let's talk about me.

FI: While I've got you on an opinions streak what are your thoughts on a)organised religion and b) America?
SP: Those are some complex issues. It will be hard to be funny and also not piss off people by generalising here. So let me explain what I think...no that'll take too long let me sum up a) Faith = good but organized religion = not all that super and b) Bush administration and lots of the shit that is going down in the states = bad, but lots of Americans = decent to pretty cool. Or alternatively: OMFG AMRICA SUXXORZ LOLZ!!!1one!

FI: You are going to film school soon. Do you see yourself becoming famous?
SP: Yes, but I think most of the people that go into this industry hope for that. Even the strictest artists do because they want people to see their art. Plus I've got the triple threat: talent, looks, and a big head (I'm talking huge!), also I've already had one failed celebrity romance so I'm halfway there already.

FI: Continuing on this film tangent, what is the deal with The Off-Season. Will it ever be finished?
SP: Not anytime soon, and definately not with live actors for the remaining scenes. I will either refilm the entire thing someday or when I have time do the last five scenes with hand puppets. I figure if I go the puppet route I'll have a better chance of making it in a film festival because people love irreverant things.

FI: You seem like a decent guy yet you have claimed on many occassions to be an asshole. Why is this?
SP: See everyone else thinks that I am a nice guy because I always seem polite and say I am going to do nice things...This is a trap. The politeness is a ruse and the nice things never happen. For example, I promised Devin a cookie in return for MS Paint art on his blog but there will be no cookies, I'll probably just punch him in the face when I see him. Why? Cause I'm a dick.

FI: As a self-proclaimed nerd who do you think would win in a fight: Ninjas or Pirates?
SP: Well that is a complex issue. On the open seas I would say pirates because ninjas aren't exactly known for there seafaring ability. Anywhere else...Ninjas. Unless the ninja in question was Batman then he would be able to take on the pirates on the open seas. Cause he's mother fucking Batman.

FI: Speaking of comic books characters, let's talk about yours. Many readers are asking will MA and Muffin-Gal get together?
SP: Well most likely yes. That is what I intend to happen, however, the characters are all based off my friends so in the case that I start dating a girl who has some quality I can exploit for my own amusment and profit I will likely change the love interest of MA accordingly.

FI: Other fans have been asking whether the Punk Ninja will get his own series.
SP: To them I say, "Shut Up Devin!"

FI: I'm now going to ask you some questions from your readers. How did you meet the biggest influence and life long friend, all together great guy: Devin Misner?
SP: see above answer. Devin is a good guy though and a great friend. We actually met over Pokemon. I was playing some old school Red on my gameboy, cause let's face it everyone loved that shit when it came out, and Devin gave me a business card for his Pokemon fan website. You all laugh now, but I bet if I asked you what type of Pokemon Marowak was you'd know...and at least half of you knicknamed yours Boner. NERDS!

FI: Moving on, Sterling asks, "What director had the biggest influence on your film career choices...and none of this bullshit about how there are just too many brilliant directors asshole. Just give a straight answer."
SP: That question provides enough humour that I can give a serious answer here, if nothing else then for fear of painful repurcussions. The answer is definately Kevin Smith. Say what you will about the man I am a fan of everyone of his movies, each for there own reasons, and it was he who first made me realize and think about what goes on behind the camera. He is the reason I even considered going into film.

FI: Will asks, "As a giant corporation we like to abuse our employees. On an unrelated not if we required you to wear a purple mowhawk to work would you find our secretary attractive?"
SP: That all really depends on whether the secretary is a Wugalo aka Willing, Ugly, and Legal (see all the asshole things I say) or not. Also if the dye from the mowhawk could be a factor if it seeped into my brain and affected my judgement. Generally, though, I just don't hold with ugos (what an asshole!).

FI: Your former co-writer Ryan L. writes, "If your penis fell of yesterday, and today terrorists were threatening to cut off your balls, what would you do?"
SP: Well I generally considered the penis and the balls to be included in the same package so I'm going to go ahead and assume that they would have fallen off as well. Also I would assume that they [the penis] sort of just pinched off like a cell dividing because I didn't die from blood loss. So that said I would taunt the terrorist knowing that if they were making such threats they hadn't taken a peek under the ol' androgynous hood. I would then hope that they would be freak out at the sight of my barren genital area or they would think that I tucked 'em back like that crazy fuck from Silence of the Lambs and be even more freaked out.

FI: Another reader writes, "Why do the ladies love you, Stu?" (I'm serious, it was Ron. Ask him yourself, I'll give you his email if I have to)
SP: Well it probably has to due to the fact that I invested in a gene splicing company a few years back and had them put a gene in me that causes my pheramone glands to overproduce. I have to shower like 7 times a day or I stink like shit but the ladies love it.

FI: Brendan would like to know, "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?"
SP: First I would like to say BOOOORING...then I would like to answer. I see myself living in a huge Hollywood mansion married to some hot young actress spending most of my time drunk, surly, and snorting the finest china white of a hooker's back. For those of you not in the know... that was a joke. Or was it?

FI: Mr. Lewis also asks, "If a tree falls in the woods and kills a mime, does anyone care?"
SP: I don't know, but I do know that if a tree falls in the woods it will probably kill something. And that is AWESOME!

FI: Kim wonders, "What are your biggest strengths? Weaknesses?"
SP: What is this...a job interview? I have a hard time believing that anyone cares. Next question!

FI: Hans wrote in, "Would you ever consider returning to geology/paleontology as a career option?"
SP: I've said it before, but I'll say it again. The UofC natural science program literally killed my inner-child. They pulled it out, tied it behind a horse and dragged it around for a while, and then they shot it. Actually the professors were quite good but the way the program itself was tailored just turned me off sciences. I still love paleontology and would love to continue to pursue it as a hobby but not as a career. Film is where it is at for me and that is that. Good question though.

FI: Cathy's question for you was: "If you could date one celebrity who would it be?"
SP: Colin Farrel, he's just sooooo dreamy. Seriously though, Scarlett Johannsson, I have a silly schoolboy crush on her. I am also tempted to say Lindsay Lohan now that she is no longer a fucking stick person and has red hair again, but she smokes and making out with smokers is just an instant turn off. Unless it is Scarlett cause goddamn she is attractive.

FI: Our final reader question comes from Paula, she asks, "What would people be surprised to know about you?"
SP: I have a 14 inch penis, though I know some people who won't be surprised. OHHH SNAP!!!Seriously though, I once choked a baby giraffe to death while eating a 5-foot hogie, riding a Siberian Tiger, and making love to 7 supermodels all at once. I also kicked a gavial in the eye as I rode by because gavials are stupid. (Honestly I couldn't think of a real answer for this one, unless the ladies are readin this...then it's the penis thing)

FI: Okay so I've just got a few final questions of my own before I let you go. You are from Fernie, so do you ski or snowboard?
SP: I love how whenever this question is asked it is always whether I do one or the other and not whether I enjoy winter sports. It's like a pre-requisite to living in Fernie is that you must either ski or snowboard. That said, I snowboard and am somewhat of a geek about. I get giddy over Freshies or First Tracks as some of you may know them.

FI: So do you want to go smoke some weed after this?
SP: No! Jesus I hate how everyone assumes that because I am from Fernie and a snowboarder that I must automatically smoke weed. Just because there is a head shop right beside the biggest board shop in town and more than like 20 grow ops have been busted in the homes of seasonal residents who just so happen to be boarders doesn't mean a things...GOSH!

FI: Ok...Final Question. What's next for Stuart Popp?
SP: Well I've got a few more pages of Issue 6 of The Masked Avenger in the works and after that it is onto scripting Issue 7 with Ian. Also I'll be going into Film school so I'll be working on my "prententious asshole" voice to take the place of my "just a plain ol' asshole" voice. And also I should have three short movies out of post-production by the end of October 2006.

FI: Thanks for your time.
SP: It was a pleasure this time.

Weeeeell I think that turned out better than the last try. It was long and if you made it through the whole thing I commend you and your a real friend...not like those other assholes who gave up halfway. Also, there may be some unintentional Dane Cook references in there. I wasn't trying to rip off his jokes or anything, I've just been watching a lot of his stuff and thus similar ideas may have seeped in.

Interview Shminterview: Tyler Durden or Why I Shouldn't Write After Midnight

2005-09-29T04:31:00.000-06:00

Shortly after typing the title of this post I learned that Tyler Durden was actually a figment of character played by Edward Norton's imagination. Distraught but also inspired by this shocking revelation, yet too lazy to change the title, I decided to talk to myself; see how I was doing; do an interview with me in the hot seat. The results can be found below.

Me: Hello
Stuart Popp: How's it going?

M: Hey I ask the questions here!
SP: (laughs) sorry...ask away?

M: Let's start things off with your comic The Masked Avenger. What brought about this strange and wonderful beast.
SP: Well, for the past three years I have had a roommate who liked to tip over things in my room and also steal things such as my watch. It was mildly to not very annoying but I decided to put a stop to it once he started leaving rhyming riddles which pertained to the whereabouts of the stolen items. I feared that this would be the start of a supervillainous career for him so I needed a superhero persona to end his reign of mild annoyance to society. I wrap a t-shirt around the lower half of my face, donned a blanket cape, and proceeded to confront him as The Masked Avenger because it was the most generic sounding superhero name I could think of. He repented by fashioning a ninja mask out of a t-shirt (instructions available somewhere on the interweb), calling himself the Punk Ninja, and offering to help find the stolen goods. Thus the Masked Avenger and his sidekick were born.

M: How did it make the leap from one improvised costume to full on comic mythology?
SP: Well, the idea proved humourous and became a bit of a running joke around the household. Shortly after the original appearance the first drawing of the duo came about as a result of another roommate and his drunken friends playing shitty music and thus evoking my artistic anger. The drawing washastily and poorly done and featured character design which would not be repeated. After this I began to use The Masked Avenger as my MSN screen name which prompted my friend and early co-writer Ryan Lee to act out a scenario of MA vs Random Arch Nemesis, later to become Garage-Man due to his screen name at the time "The Garage". I began drawing up character designs for the heroes and then one day a group of people in a UofC club who's club office, which had several comfortable couches, really annoyed me with their overbearing nerdiness. They had been given the nicknames "The Super-Friends" after the group of nerds from The Simpsons. I drew a picture depicting a comic book cover in which the Masked Avenger and Punk Ninja fought "The SuperFriends" which inspired my friends to suggest I should draw a comic to go with the cover. Some were even willing to pay. Blinded by money I drew 4 short issues and sold them for a dollar each. I made around 50 dollars which basically paid for my food that month. I also quickly ran out of people I hated and started basing villains on my friends. The comics have since become an underground cult sensation at UofC and SFU.

M: Is any of that true?
SP: All of it. I swear to whatever god actually exists.

M: Will issue #1 of your comic ever be released?
SP: I actually drew a 6-page origin story for MA as issue #1 about a year after issue #2 was released but destroyed it once I started to revamp the comics. The story that was held within those pages does remain canon however and sometime in the future I may redraw it as a full size comic.

M: What is in store for MA next?
SP: Well I have a new co-writer, Ian U. who will be helping me shake things up a bit and also help me to avoid the problems that came with writing a comic as I drew it which I tended to due and resulted in shorter comics because I got lazy. Rest assured however it will contain plenty of superhero satire, pop-culture references, and visual nods to Batman who is my favorite superhero.

M: Just How big of a nerd are you?
SP: a huge, HUGE nerd, but I am also a ninja nerd able to conceal my nerdiness for extended periods of time due to my boyish good looks, sideburns, and ability to talk about less nerdy things like sports and music. However, I also recognise that calling myself a "ninja nerd" doesn't make me seem like anything less than a complete loser.

M: Sports eh? How do you think the Canucks are looking this year?
SP: Fuck Hockey! Basketball is my sport? Ask me about March Madness and then we'll talk.

M:Okay tell me your thoughts on March Madness.
SP: I think it is in March and thus too early to tell anything. Chances are I will start off rooting for Gonzaga and then end up rooting for Duke once gonzaga loses early on. Also, I was only half kidding about the hockey remark. While not my favorite sport I have started to follow it since befriends some serious hockey nuts. As for the Canucks it looks like they will be able to hold on to most of their team post-negotiations so I think they have a good chance at taking the Cup this year.

M: Yawn...I thought you were going to be funny in this interview.
SP: Honestly so did I, only then I got off track and ended up conducting an almost serious interview with myself. My I should start asking more humourous questions.

M: I'll ask what I want to ask. Rumour on the internets is that you are a bit of an asshole. Is there any truth to this?
SP: well certain friends have reassured me that I am a nice guy, but they also call me pretty so I'm pretty sure they are full of shit. That said I think I am the only person I've met to outwardly claim that I am an asshole.

M: Why would these friends calling you pretty cause you to suspect they are lying? Didn't you previously state that you have boyish good looks?
SP: I prefer to consider my good looks to be ruggedly handsome-esque as opposed to pretty.

M: This interview isn't very funny is it?
SP: Not really, it is also getting boring to write so I think I am going to stop. I would also like to remind people that I am currently working night shift and thus while my drawing improves with a lack of sleep my writing does not. I might try to interview myself again at a later date...or maybe someone more interesting.

M: Okay well then, goodbye.
SP: Cheers

I apologize for the lack of funny. I got really off track after the first question then tried to reel things in and it got all convoluted like this metaphor. Also if I ruined Fight Club for you then you are an idiot. I mean seriously who doesn't know who Tyler Durden was by now. Also chances are I don't know you and thus I don't care.

Tune in next time for something better (I hope).

Childhood Paradigm Shifts A-Plenty

2005-09-24T20:26:00.000-06:00

I spend a lot of time on the internets or the "interweb" if you will and I have noticed somewhat of a trend among many a blogger. Also this is just something I have noticed in general amongst people I know or people I read about/see on the telly. This thing is as follows: Everyone seems to have had some life changing/defining moment at a young age that has dramatically affected the way they live their life.

Now granted this may not seem so strange or even noteworthy to many of you. This is because a)you probably aren't reading this blog and thus have no knowledge of the strangeness or b)have had one of these "childhood paradigm shifts" (see how I relate things to the title) and thus assume everyone probably has...

Well I haven't. Do you want to know what significant events I remember from my early childhood? Do you? Alright, here goes:

-My younger cousin placing a pickle at the edge of the table, running around the house like a ferret on speed, returning to the table, taking a bite out of said pickle without using his hands, saying, "Crocodiles have big teeth," and repeating this until the pickle was gone. (he may have said the line before biting but the memory is a tad fuzzy, I was eight so sue me).
-I spent most of grade three a Chicago Bulls fan, like one of those fans that would paint there faces in the team colour, go to the stadium sans shirt, and threaten the opposing teams mascot with sodomy. Lucky for me the Bulls were doing well that season so it wasn't an unpopular choice.
-Finding out my grade 4 teacher left her job at the high school because, and I quote, "someone farted on her arm."
-Knowing more than my teacher on the subject of Dinosaurs in grade 2. I was a cocky little shit back then.
-Always playing the green Power Ranger when me and my friends played Power Rangers (I was a nerd even then). Then when I went away for two weeks on vacation and came back one kid was the White Ranger thus totally stealing my ranger (for those of you who were not total nerds the Green Ranger and the White Ranger were the same person).
-An irrational love of Garfield
-making a rediculously complex series of snow tunnels in my yard (like I am seriously talking a fucking labrynth) which I have not since been able to recreate.
-carving a picture of a boat into our family's mantle with a butcher's knife and catching a whole lot of shit for it.
-quiting beavers

That's it. If anyone can find anything there worhty of shifting my paradigm please let me know. Until next time: CROCODILES HAVE BIG TEETH! (it's true)

2 Year of Waiting...for this?

2005-09-23T22:25:00.000-06:00

Hello,

I am a popular primetime soap opera featuring 25 year olds playing characters who are ten years younger and impossibly well off. I show these characters kissing and groping all the time in public places like a pair of rabbits in heat. Of course, while I never directly state it they have not had sex yet because it must be a gigantic event when they do despite the actual scene being nothing more than an allusion to them about to take their clothes off followed by a morning after scene. All without any real emotional buildup or impact.

Sincerely,

The OC

-Seriously what is it with TV shows that have teenagers remain abstinant for years. I sort of just assumed that Ryan and Marissa were doing it. Now all of a sudden the wait is over? Plus the OC just sucks it up lately. I am very dissapointed. I'm off to watch some HBO. Rome and Entourage will make things all better now.

SNAKES ON A PLANE

2005-09-21T19:27:00.000-06:00

seriously Snakes on a Mutherfuckin' Plane!

Also, in related news this blog is one of the better written blogs I have seen plus it has snakes on a plane.

Snakes on a Plane!

Random Thought At 6 am

2005-09-14T06:01:00.000-06:00

Does anyone else find themselves thinking "wasn't she on YTV?" whenever someone mentions PJ Harvey?

Or is it just me?

About Artists

2005-09-01T19:08:00.000-06:00

My new favorite quote of the day is from Scary-Go-Round:

I think that struggling is something artists have to do. It offsets the guilt later, you know? When they sell a smashed pie label 'Death of a Party' for ten large."

That is all.

Production Journal 3: The End

2005-08-29T23:41:00.000-06:00

As many of you reading this know or may have guessed from the title I have put an end to finishing my movie with actors. There are quite a few reasons for this which do not all involve me bitching about Leslie, who in all actuality was a cool chick who was extremely nice and friendly except for the fact that we butted heads a bit when it came to scheduling. So on to the other reasons:

1)It has taken just under two months to film 2/3 of this movie. There were constant delays due to my dedication to working around peoples jobs and social lives because I was trying to be a nice guy and also because I wasn't paying anybody so I couldn't make them be there whenever I wanted. This led to a lot of phone tag, rescheduling with my locations, backing out of locations at the last minute, and having to change locations. I started this movie because I thought it would be a fun project for the summer (and if possible to make a little cash either through grants or doing a screening). It has become more and more of a hassle then anything else at this point thus I'm giving it the axe.

2)I have secretly become stoked to follow through with the hand puppets idea because it will be fun to do and that is what doing this project was all about.

3)There isn't really a third reason. The film was becoming a source of unnecessary stress so I canned the part of it that was making me stressed.

This experience has not made me jaded about filmmaking though. I eagerly await the next film I get to make and the chance to edit this one together and maybe even get it into a festival (stranger things have happened then a half-live action/half-puppet show film being accepted).

I will keep you updated on the process of puppet making and voice-overs as these things progress.

Finding Answers, Ignoring Facts

2005-08-29T19:12:00.000-06:00

I have gained membership into the Loch Ness Monster Adventure Club. My new title is the High Minister of General Badassity. To prove it I even have this certificate:
I would like to add that I also recieved a t-shirt. So there Cam, not all my shirts come from scary-go-round, I have some from WIGU too.